I regret getting married
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Old 11-24-2012, 04:46 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default I regret getting married

I love my husband like I love a best friend or brother. I married impulsively and to get out of a bad situation. I regret the decisions I made that lead up to our marriage and now I struggle with being emotionally faithful and not having eyes for other men. We don't have kids. If I could go back and do it again I wouldn't have married him. I was 20 and very immature.

This is a feeling I've had since day one. I walked down the isle knowing I wasn't marrying the love of my life, but I was in a state or fear and fog. I've suppressed it for two years but now I'm ready to confront it. I'm not passionate about us and our wedding day wasn't the happiest day of my life. I could say I've had better. I feel like I'm living a lie.

How should I move forward? Councilor? Honesty? Suck it up and have children with him, or divorce? Are their better options? Should I just try and forget I feel that way and not confront it at all?
I can't believe I made vows that I didn't have drive to keep. I didn't understand what the heck I was doing.
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Old 11-24-2012, 05:46 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: I regret getting married

Do you both a big favor and get a divorce. If you truly don't "love" him as a husband, he or you will eventually start cheating and the pain of discovery will be worse for the betrayed than if you just split now. With no children involved, it's "no harm, no foul".
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Old 11-24-2012, 06:00 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: I regret getting married

Don't you dare have children with him!

I think you should explain to him how you feel, expect for him to be EXTREMELY hurt and sad.

However, we don't know you here and I think you should get the advice of people who know you maybe there is something else at play
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Old 11-24-2012, 06:03 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: I regret getting married

Please divorce your husband, do NOT bring children into this world feeling this way about their father, it will only destruct their lives... No man (or woman) wants to be in a marriage where the other feels as you just described, sex would be reduced to pity sex, happiness a sham. Laughter will not fill your home.

Just be honest about your hand in why you walked down that aisle, he will be very hurt, a bag of emotions, even anger. But ultimately he deserves the right/ the freedom to move on with another woman who has Passion & desire for him.
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Old 11-24-2012, 06:23 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Do him and yourself both a favor and tell the truth. Lies have a sneaky way of coming out and biting you in the ass.

Just let him go as he deserves someone who truly does love him. And you deserve to be with someone you love as well.
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Old 11-24-2012, 06:35 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I don't know what your vows were, but mine promised to be faithful, to always be sincere about taking care of her, to respect and to care for, no matter what.

Conspicuously, you say nothing much about the man you married. As this is all about you. You're focusing on you. No, not a criticism... But you saw him as an escape from something, I don't know what, and now that the bait worked, you're ready to switch...

I guess I have to ask... Is there some terrible reason you can't love him? I suspect he has clues that you've used him, and I suspect he wonders why you have certain aspects of your marriage that just don't seem right, but he married you, hasn't abused you, and I'd say loves you and committed to you.

Are you that cold inside that has no effect on your heart? My gawd, you have someone that loves you, gave you the ring and said "I do" and apparently has done, with all the women here talking about not finding a man who'll pull that trigger. And here you have one who gave you his name, makes love to you (we assume there's at least some sex.. or maybe he's here with a different alias, but I don't recognize the story), and does husband things to, for, and with you.

You have a love right in front of you, all but surrounding you. Can't you let any of it in? It sounds to me a little like you might have walled yourself off to a degree, made a "deal with the devil" so to speak.. But you say nothing of him being the devil or even being bad.

I hate to sound like I'm begging for him. But in this case, my heart breaks for him and his love hasn't seemed to have moved you an inch. Or has it?
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Old 11-24-2012, 06:39 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Mavash. View Post
Do him and yourself both a favor and tell the truth. Lies have a sneaky way of coming out and biting you in the ass.

Just let him go as he deserves someone who truly does love him. And you deserve to be with someone you love as well.
She can't "let him go", he's not trying to leave. She's the one trying to let herself go. I'm thinking that all the elements are there, except the one that says "I freaking want this guy..."

I think she might be able to see that in him, if she stopped navel gazing.
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Old 11-24-2012, 07:12 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: I regret getting married

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Originally Posted by ariadne12 View Post
I was 20 and very immature.
Now, are you mature enough to tell your spouse?
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Old 11-24-2012, 07:28 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Being married to your best friend isn't a bad deal. Being married to your brother would be a little sick. If you were expecting to feel fireworks every day for the rest of your life, that aint happening, no matter who you start with. I expect every married person looks at other folks now and then. That doesn't mean your marriage is bad or you married the wrong person. It just means you can see. Folks all over the world marry people they don't even know and those marriages tend to last far longer than our "forever love" style unions. The folks with 70 plus year marriages didn't marry a perfect person, they just married someone who happened to be equally committed to making it work. What you did three years ago at the ceremony isn't as important as what you did today and what you will do tomorrow.
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Old 11-24-2012, 08:48 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: I regret getting married

Let go of him and let go of the lies.

YOU are keeping him from being with a woman who TRULY loves HIM, who TRULY wants to bear his children, who TRULY wants to build a life with him.

You used him and you feel like cr*p. You have lost respect for yourself. The only way to gain it back is to "woman up" and tell him the truth, NOW before the holidays. Do not let him believe your lies for one more week.

There is NO WAY to repair the damage you have done, BUT you CAN atone to some degree by learning the lesson, moving forward, living your life with dignity, being an honest and forthright person from here on out, and being BRAVE enough to face YOURSELF, your fears, your husband, your future.
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Old 11-24-2012, 09:26 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: I regret getting married

It's almost impossible to go wrong by being completely, 100% honest.
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Old 11-25-2012, 06:37 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Having kids before you work these issues out is criminal.
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Old 11-25-2012, 07:07 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Leave the marriage. It's not a difficult thing to do.

I left my first husband. I did find the perfect man to spend the rest of my life with. However, I'd be perfectly happy living life alone if I never met my current husband. I do not need a man to make myself happy. Only I can fulfill my own happiness.
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Old 11-25-2012, 08:08 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Divorce him and be good friends. Continue to respect each other. I married the wrong man too. He was terrible as a husband, but alright as a friend.
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Old 11-25-2012, 07:23 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: I regret getting married

How long have you been married? You say you have felt this way the whole time, but how long is that? There had to be some reason you got married, regretting the entire thing might not be necessary.
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