General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I re-read my post, and sorry for the descriptors of my girls and on second thought maybe I should have just posted a photo of them to my album? Am rather Sorry.
Thanks for all the input. I agree with most of the comments. I agree that I am her husband not her parent. I don’t control her. At the end of the day, she can do what she wants essentially. I understand that for some women big breasts (and showing them off) somehow relates to improved worth and self confidence. Not sure how that connection ever came about but I suppose it is true. I guess what some women do not understand is what do you want to be known for? What do you want people to remember about you when you meet them? That you had a nice rack and you weren’t afraid to show them off to anyone and everyone? I know that may seem extreme to some people but that has to be brought up.
I know some say the more, the better. Do you want men and some pervs looking at you wishing they could rub their faces in your chest all the time? If you women don't think that is what men are thinking, well I have news for you, it is. Sure, it's "attention" but is it the kind that you want?
Look, I like the way my wife looks and I am not trying to get her to dress in turtlenecks. The enhanced breasts make her waist look smaller and well proportioned all around. That’s all well and good. That’s why I agreed to it (and agreed to pay for it) when she asked me for it. She wanted to improve herself so to speak. How could I say no? So, I did not look at this as the middle aged red sports car syndrome or something like that.
I’m not sure what I can say without her being sensitive about it. I am sure she loves all the attention and gawking. But, when even your young children start poking at Mom's big breasts hanging out then I think it may be worth addressing. I will just try to explain how she doesn’t need to draw that kind of attention to herself because she already has other, good attributes.
I re-read my post, and sorry for the descriptors of my girls and on second thought maybe I should have just posted a photo of them to my album? Am rather Sorry.
My husband likes for me to look "hot" for him at home as well as when we go out. At home he sees my breasts. When we go out, more is left to the imagination. I think you can look hot and still cover the essentials at the same time. After all, most women can attract attention when barely covered up. However, it takes quite a woman to get the attention while dressed more conservatively.
and there i thought because you're a moderator your post would be a buzzkill.
See I come from the school of, "I don't care what other people think" i'll do what I want.
Some days my wife is feeling sexy and wears some nice low cut blouses or dresses.
Other days she wears whatever...
bottom line she wears what she wants. As a couple you have to decide what is best.
I am just worried for MCD, he is paranoid about some pervert googling over his wife's breasts, why? you can classify 95% of men that look at women's breasts for whatever reason, doesn't mean they are all perverts.
If I think a woman is Beautiful, I will say she is beautiful and I will even say it in front of my wife, my wife knows I am not going anywhere, that she is a 15 on a scale from 1-10 to me.
The issue is your own self confidence, you need to be confident your wife is not going anywhere. That Brad Pitt can strut on over and say to your wife, "Hey baby you are smoking hot, lets go for a ride!" and your wife will reply, " Sory Brad, I am a taken woman " I have that confidence in my wife, you need to get there. You married her for her beauty, brains and love, don't let your own demons get the best of you. The more confident YOU are the happier you both will be.
I am just worried for MCD, he is paranoid about some pervert googling over his wife's breasts, why?
The issue is your own self confidence, you need to be confident your wife is not going anywhere. I have that confidence in my wife, you need to get there. You married her for her beauty, brains and love, don't let your own demons get the best of you.
Good points and agree with most. Point is not that I think my wife is going to run away with another man because he compliments her breasts or looks. Point is that if women want to known more for their cleavage (intelligence, brains, etc.) then do that. My wife has dumbed herself down as a result of her primary focus on her cosmetic appearance. Has no interest in the outside world other than in relation to glamour, beauty, etc. I compliment her all the time and she knows I feel so there's no outreach for attention because she has been neglected. The bigger problem is not my self confidence (which I admit can always improve) it is that she is becoming a shallow, materialistic person as a result of all this. She has completely changed her personality. Sounds harsh but is sad truth. I will find a solution.
On a side note, glad to hear all of your techniques work well for you. Keep it up as long as you can because you never know when things will get sidetracked. I never thought I would be addressing things like this in my marriage. It was ideal for 10+ years.
may I ask how old are both of you, how many kids? and are you done with kids? Economic status? ie poverty, lower middle class, upper middle class, wealthy (over 1 mill in assets)
may I ask how old are both of you, how many kids? and are you done with kids? Economic status? ie poverty, lower middle class, upper middle class, wealthy (over 1 mill in assets)
We are both 37, 2 boys, no more kids, upper middle class. Thanks.
so your done with kids? did you get a vesectomy or did your wife get permanent birth control (tubes tied).
So do you both go to alot of social events? does she have some "glamor" type friends.
Upper middle class and done with kids...she is tring to get back to her "20 something body" my wife wants a mommy makeover as well.
what are her friends like? about the same...
Your wife wants to have a good time and look good doing it, she can afford these toys and luxuries now. I say you take this oppurtunity and have some fun.
She wants to go out and go dancing, she wants to be the "hot mom" my wife looks outstanding after three children, she enjoys the MILF comments she gets.
woman have been programmed to "look good" or to look there best all their lives.
she is getting close to 40, she feels it, she wants to look and feel young still. It can either go with it or not.
My wife and I still go out and party, dancing and have wild fun nights. It makes her feel young and sexy, which she is. But she needs to "feel" it.
This has to do with her self esteem as it does yours. Do you dress nice? have a nice car? clean cut? a good looking guy? You see men get better looking as they get older, you ahve become more attractive and she wants to be that hot wife on your arm....or should I say Hot mom.
so your done with kids? did you get a vesectomy or did your wife get permanent birth control (tubes tied).
Vasectomy about 3 years ago.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GAsoccerman
So do you both go to alot of social events? does she have some "glamor" type friends....she is tring to get back to her "20 something body"...what are her friends like? about the same...
We actually got into this whole ballroom dancing thing about 2 years ago and that's been a main focus of hers and most likely the reason for all this. Many of the people that are around that are into the glamour thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GAsoccerman
This has to do with her self esteem as it does yours. Do you dress nice? have a nice car? clean cut? a good looking guy? You see men get better looking as they get older, you ahve become more attractive and she wants to be that hot wife on your arm....or should I say Hot mom.
All good points and all true I know it. We make a very good couple. Both good looking, fit, nice, intelligent, etc. Maybe my self esteem has taken a hit because I just seem to work all the time and see myself as old and tired. Then I see her and she looks younger and more beautiful all the time. I suppose there is some jealousy there and that's not a good thing.
It sounds like you have gone though some of the same stuff or know people who have. Marriages can be difficult because things change and it's hard to adapt to all of it sometimes. It sounds like you have overcome some things yourself and your marriage is stronger because of it.
I like your attitude and I wish more people in marriages would have the optimism you do. You can't give up as long as you have the ultimate belief that your spouse is a good person who would not intentionally hurt you. I know that and just need to work my way through all this.
You sound like a good person and a strong willed individual. The world certainly needs more people like you. I appreciate your positivity and advice. Thank you!
"You see men get better looking as they get older...."
GA this is such BS. Women are simply oogled more often, compared more often, critiqued more often in our "beauty focused society".
I am in the gym watching men and women all the time. The men getting older look about the same as the women getting older. Grey hair, lines; less hair, lines, etc.
Generally if a person is hot looking as a young person, they are likely still hot looking as an older person. It is the ones that do all the VISIBLE nip and tucking that look really BAD, IMO; it is awful. If anyone does PS, it has to look natural or they end up looking like our dearly departed MJ.
It is just that as either ages, both gain character and that character makes them even more attractive because it makes one wonder where they've been and what things they've experienced, made it through: survived.
i've watched gorgeous young men and women transform into whatthef+ckisthat adults
and i've watched ugly ducklings turn into mightily beautiful swans.
Have to agree to recent cloud. Some men get older and wiser and as a result find out how they can make themselves look good as they get older. However, many men get lazier and more nonchalant with their appearance as they get older. They get complacent thinking that their wife doesn't care any more about how they look. Dressed sloppy, beer belly, bed head - that's pretty common among a lot of men I see around.
I'm not quite sure how the dollar bill system works in relation to this but I will read again and try to figure it out. I agree with most of the points and the more posts I read the better I feel about the situation. I agree the occassion makes a big difference. I guess it was just an adjustment for me to her wear such different clothes EVERYWHERE. There's not much difference between what she shows when she helps out at the kid's school versus going out. It just seemed a little drastic and showy for me. Maybe I am reading into it too much.
Re: What's acceptable cleavage? 
and on second thought maybe I should have just posted a photo of them to my album? 
Am rather 
My husband likes for me to look "hot" for him at home as well as when we go out. At home he sees my breasts. When we go out, more is left to the imagination. I think you can look hot and still cover the essentials at the same time. After all, most women can attract attention when barely covered up. However, it takes quite a woman to get the attention while dressed more conservatively. 
