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What do I do?

878 views 3 replies 4 participants last post by  Terran007 
#1 · (Edited)
Last week, my wife of 23+ years has a meltdown and tells me she doesn't think she loves me anymore. I am lost. Heres a little background. We have been together almost 27 years. Have been friends for a year or two prior. We have 2 sons. About 6 months ago my youngest was diagnosed with an illness. Treatable but life altering. Our older son quit school and moved out. He works Pt but is happy. She has been going through something for a few months. She had not shared any of it until 2 weeks ago. She was vague and said she needed to see a specialist. After a week of walking on eggshells I finally asked her what was going on. Bombshell. She spilled about several things, but most important to me was she did not think she loves me as a husband anymore. She told me it had nothing to do with me. It was all her. She did not understand it totally herself. I am not sure if its all of the family issues coming to a head, plus she started a diet 2 months ago. The fact that our youngest is 5 years from being on his own. Could it be her age(48). All I know is I am devastated. I asked how she wanted to handle things while she figured it out. I offered to move out. No. She wants us to stay together as "friends". She starts seeing a therapist today, which I hope helps her. I just needed a place to express my thoughts. I cant really say anything to anyone for fear of her hearing about it. I love her with all my soul. She knows that. Its is all in her hands know. :scratchhead:
 
#2 · (Edited)
wow...
I think from what you wrote some of this was brought on with your youngest son being diagnosed with an illness...
depending on the illness ( major or minor) that could have started all this.
Good to hear she is in therapy as she sounds devistated and in grief and very confused.
You can maybe join her in her therapy soon. Usually what happens is they get medication and continue to follow through with therapy to learn coping skills, and she may in fact become better after this. The combo of drugs and therapy can be very successful, much more than one or the other.
Because of her age too, she may be going in menapause or be in it... which only adds to it.
If you love her, try to stick it out and let her know your there for her.... and you may be able to save this marriage, long as your willing to also do some work ( patience, kindness, emotional support, etc)

strange she wants you to stay as "friends" ??? that makes no sense to me... and maybe she wants this because of some financial fear?
 
#4 ·
Hey man, I'm sorry about your situation.

Obviously I can't say for sure, but are you sure she hasn't been cheating on you? A friend of mine at work went through something similar with his wife of 20+ years. She would throw in some comments like "I love you like a friend" and things of that nature. Almost a year later they got separated / divorced and he found out that she had been with this other guy for a long time (from the time when she started saying that her love for him has changed).

He went through all the slow agony of trying to figure it out, and why did she start saying those things to him. He started telling me about it about when it happened. It really baffled me for a few months and rocked my world too, because I started thinking if my wife would ever do such a weird thing! So it really did affect me even if I wasn't involved in their situation because of what it could mean for me. But then I actually figured it out when I started thinking with the premise that she had been seeing someone, the things she said made sense. How do you let someone down slowly in a situation like that? Then the things she said made perfect sense. I told my friend about my thoughts and he still wasn't sure. Obviously I was correct in the end - not that it made things any easier for my friend.

Anyway, it is a really good thing that your wife is going to therapy. Maybe she doesn't know why she feels this way about you, but she realized it maybe because she saw someone else, but finds it unacceptable behavior for her to be cheating on you; so she is trying to / has stopped it and trying to seek therapy for it.

It could obviously be a number of things no doubt. But have you checked into the possibility of her cheating?
 
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