need help thinking about divorce! =(
First of all thank you for any help offered I really appreciate it! (and sorry for length plz read)
How we met/married:
Ok so I'm a 24 year old American man and have been married for a year and four months. I was in the US Army and deployed to Iraq to fight in a violent mission in Baghdad(I was in a combat role). Eight months into my deployment my best friend was killed, this is how I met my wife. She was my best friends fiancé at the time of his death. I had never met her before his death because she lived in the US and me and my buddy where stationed in Germany(they had a LDR). Long story short we met when I came to give my condolences to his parents, and we considered ourselves to be dating only 8 months after his death. We had a 6 month LDR with no physical contact while I was waiting to get out of the military. So the first time I ever kissed her was 6 months in when I finally came home to California, where she also happened to be from. Once I got home everything moved at the speed of light, after all this was the first and only girl I had sex with, or even a real relationship with. I purposed to her 2 months after being home, we got married roughly a year and a half later.
Before I ever even purposed to my wife I asked myself if her views on life and goals in life where compatible with my own.
I wanted to travel and learn more about human culture and people, I wanted to be with someone who would teach me things and be excited to discover the richness of the world. My dream was to help people... like red cross and such, I wanted to go to impoverished countries and help, and I still do.
So I asked my wife what her views on this where one night and she told me she had absolutely no desire to do these things. We got into a huge fight because I told her I wasn't so sure if this would work. She wanted to get married and have kids and put down roots and live a homie simple family life. I (being too scared to end it) decided to try and make this work, hoping that I could change her point of view and that I could adapt to hers, and that we would both meet somewhere in the middle. So we got married and have been trying ever since to be truly happy and content.
What made me think this marriage was always going to work was the fact that we got along so well and almost never fought. We have a way of talking to each other and communicating effectively, which is just my favorite part about our marriage. We try to always involve comedy in our lives and are always willing to help one another. The problem with our relationship seems to be that we have these deep routed desires that have never come to fruition. I have met a lot of her demands and she has done the same but I have reached my limit. I have stayed in the states and bought a house for us and tired to convince myself that I wanted kids with her and that I was happy with my new lifestyle but too much has changed about me. She has also tried to change herself for me, but can never bring herself to be genuinely interested in my favorite passions. I feel like I need to be my own person away from this all. It’s so sad because I think she is the greatest person I have ever met but feel like love is not enough and that I am truly unhappy. I sit and wonder where my life and happiness went; I don’t do anything I used to enjoy anymore, AT ALL! Our relationship has forced us away from California and our families. We now have no relationship with our parents because of their dislike for their child’s spouse. I have talked about all this with my wife and we are trying so many things to be happy like making more friends, trying new hobbies, getting new jobs, understanding each others wants more. We have even considered getting a roommate to feel less lonely. Nothing is working and I feel like I wish I could divorce her and wish her all of the luck in the world. We obviously have no kids and are very young 24 and 23, and I feel like I don’t want to ruin our lives. There are so many little things that make this hard too but just know neither of us has been unfaithful or even thought of cheating. I am going to start marriage counseling with her, but past that I don’t know what to expect from life anymore. I miss all my friends and family and miss my old passions I have abandoned in the search of the perfect marriage. I have not told her I am thinking about divorce yet, she will not ever agree I feel. Please help me, thank you.