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Feeling Alone.

1K views 11 replies 6 participants last post by  Rail 
#1 ·
Hi, I'm new here and was just searching for some answers to some things. I have been married for 8 years and we have had many problems. I have often complained of her having no empathy for me. I wont go into all the details but recently I had trouble with a neighbor and after trying to talk to him I had to get the sheriffs dept. involved to fix the problem. The things he was doing was a nuisance and illegal. I had to call them out at least 4 times in 2 weeks. I asked my wife as a favor to me to not talk with them any more. I didnt ask her to be mean or not to wave to them but just to stay a way and not talk. I have come home twice and she is in their drive talking to them. Am I wrong to feel hurt and that she is not supporting me in things?
 
#2 ·
At one time I had severe neighbor problems and was in a dating situation at the time, I know how that is...
all I can say is, I've learned to not associate with my neighbors. It just isn't worth it.

He maybe has never been one to assoicate with the neighbors and cannot understand why you do if it's getting to where you have to call the police.
 
#3 ·
I asked my wife as a favor to me to not talk with them any more. I didnt ask her to be mean or not to wave to them but just to stay a way and not talk. I have come home twice and she is in their drive talking to them. Am I wrong to feel hurt and that she is not supporting me in things?
Ya, i dont think its right that you are upset that she's talking to them. She's an adult and you dont really have the right to tell her what she can and cant do. I know how you feel, though. there are times when i wish my H would do something for me and i get upset sometimes when he wont.

but i also dont think you should brush aside how you feel. if you've been feeling this way for a long time then you really need to talk about it and find out what the root of the problem is.
 
#4 ·
I didnt tell her to stop. I asked a favor of her. I never ask her to do anything for me but i did about this. I cook all the meals and if she ask me to do something for her I always do it and I am happy to. When she ask me to do something that I dont want to do, should I also not do it?
 
#5 ·
Are you a doormat for her?

You should do things you dont necessarily want to do for your wife, but there also has to be a line in the sand somewhere. There should be certain things that are considered offside.

Im just fishing for more info. This cold be very simple, or very complicated.
 
#6 ·
Dont we all do things that we dont always want to do just because we love them? I am a giver but I am married to a taker and yes it is much deeper. I have lots of resentment about the way she is. Always seems like it is me doing things for her and then just like with this one thing she cant do it for me. Just to show a little support. You know the song...Stand by your Man. Well she doesnt. It's taken a long time but I am learning and for every time this sort of thing happens I am pulling away from her a little more. Lots of little things like, fix her self a sandwich for lunch and doesnt even ask me if I want one. When putting up the folded clothes which are folded by me most the time, she puts hers away and leaves mine laying there. Never replaces a roll of toilet paper. I know little stuff but it adds up to a life of feeling alone.:mad:
 
#7 ·
Welcome to the world of "she isn't me" and "expectations of the damned".

You are an "A" spouse: the spouse that is the giver and carer, and peace keeper. "A" spouses are the ones sensitive to the other, they are the givers. "B" spouses are the takers, the ones who don't realize how they affect the "A" spouse type.

You are going to drive yourself crazy doing the tit-for-tat routine.

She is inconsiderate. You need to decide how much of it you are going to put up with, and for how long.....;)
 
#11 ·
My husband also has high expectations of what I should or should not be doing. If it is not said, or asked, how am I supposed to know what he wants? Doing little favors may seem like a sign of love to you, but to her it may be bossy or controlling, or she just forgot or she disagrees. Personally, I can't stand it when someone does things for me when I don't want them to. My mother-in-law did it constantly, thinking she was helpful, but just little things like changing the sheets just drove me crazy. Now back to the neighbor thing, it seems illogical to me how you expect her to wave and be friendly but not talk to them. The sandwich thing, why would you expect her to make you a sandwich if you never said you wanted one? I think my husband and I do the same silent dance, we second guess what each other may be thinking rather than just ask bluntly, so as to not to start fights.
 
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