Husband dropped a bombshell on me

Loving Husband · 09-10-2009, 08:16 AM

Its posts like this that make me wonder what's wrong with my wife. I would never turn her away ever. I can never get enough of my wife sexually and this is 18 years. I feel for you. You should feel desired. I understand how this effects your self esteeme. I am battling this myself. Hang in there.
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swedish · 09-10-2009, 12:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hlnlnge

This is why I pushed to get an answer and it came out: Sex with me is an effort. Certain things that I do is a turnoff for him and has been for the past 10 years. Its me. I asked him why he never just told me "Hey, I don't like it if you do that" and I would've changed it in a heartbeat and he said that he thought that things would get better on its own.

Today, I feel like giving up. Yes he told me what's really going on (I think). I am so devastated and humilitated.

He's been pretending for our whole marriage.

and now?

Okay, I would be devastated and humilitated too. But looking at your situation from the outside, this would be the worst time to give up! He has finally opened up to you, so at least now you have something to work with.

You are not a man, you are not him, you only work with how he responds...so if he hasn't been forthcoming with what he wants, what feels good, what doesn't .... it aint about you

I hope he gave you enough detail to work with....if not, ask for details...what would turn him on etc....read up some stuff on your own and talk about it...

I think the reason many men/women keep quiet about what they like/don't like is either fear of hurting the other or fear of being thought of as a wierdo

... Either way, this isn't about you...it's about being more open with one another sexually.

dobo · 09-10-2009, 12:40 PM

When are you going to ask him what it is that you do that he doesn't like or rather, what it is he'd like you to do? This will be the real key as to whether he's telling you the truth. If he says, "I don't know" he either doesn't know because there is nothing or he doesn't want to tell you in which case there's probably an outside influence at work he's embarrassed to discuss with you (something he saw or has a secret fetish about... or worse, he's really not into sex/women and prefers going solo.)