06-27-2009, 07:48 AM
Join Date: May 2009
| | Difficulty getting over arguments
My husband and I have a fairly tempestous relationship - we are both fiery, passionate characters. Over the years we have got better at resolving issues and we conflict a lot less now then we did when we first moved in together. We probably have a big(ish) row about once a month/6 weeks, which is still probably too often, but is something we are working at.
However, I feel the real issue is how we deal with the aftermath of these fights.
I always try and make sure we have 'made up' within 24 hours - at least so we are speaking to each other and being civil, even though I understand we are both hurt. I try my best to be nice to him and to keep conversation on neutral ground for a couple of days. However, I find that my husband takes a LOT longer to cool down and be civil towards me. Even when we have officially apologised and made up, he is still very grumpy, and picks at every comment I make. I feel he is looking for another argument, so I spend at least 2 days on eggshells, trying to avoid him.
He has admitted as much then after we've had an argument he wants nothing to do with me for 3 or 4 days. I've explained that I don't think this is fair, or practical - that we have to be able to function together as we share a home. He makes me feel like I can't live sometimes, everything I do or say for the next couple of days is wrong.
I have explained to him about this in calmer times, but he dismisses my feelings about this. He doesn't recognise his own moods and how this impacts on us.
We had a row on Thursday, we made up nicely yesterday evening. I tried my best to be on the good side of him. We have been out this morning and he has been grumpy and moaning about everything - in the car park he was swearing and shouting at other drivers. He then shouted at me about something entirely innocent in a shop this morning, so I have basically left him to it - I realise it will probably be Monday before he will be ok with me.
I can't live me life like this - but I am at a loss about what to do. I love him very much and he is genuinely a nice guy, but he can be AWFUL to me when he is upset, and it lasts way too long.