Difficulty getting over arguments
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - Online Counseling - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 06-27-2009, 06:48 AM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2
Default Difficulty getting over arguments

My husband and I have a fairly tempestous relationship - we are both fiery, passionate characters. Over the years we have got better at resolving issues and we conflict a lot less now then we did when we first moved in together. We probably have a big(ish) row about once a month/6 weeks, which is still probably too often, but is something we are working at.

However, I feel the real issue is how we deal with the aftermath of these fights.

I always try and make sure we have 'made up' within 24 hours - at least so we are speaking to each other and being civil, even though I understand we are both hurt. I try my best to be nice to him and to keep conversation on neutral ground for a couple of days. However, I find that my husband takes a LOT longer to cool down and be civil towards me. Even when we have officially apologised and made up, he is still very grumpy, and picks at every comment I make. I feel he is looking for another argument, so I spend at least 2 days on eggshells, trying to avoid him.

He has admitted as much then after we've had an argument he wants nothing to do with me for 3 or 4 days. I've explained that I don't think this is fair, or practical - that we have to be able to function together as we share a home. He makes me feel like I can't live sometimes, everything I do or say for the next couple of days is wrong.

I have explained to him about this in calmer times, but he dismisses my feelings about this. He doesn't recognise his own moods and how this impacts on us.

We had a row on Thursday, we made up nicely yesterday evening. I tried my best to be on the good side of him. We have been out this morning and he has been grumpy and moaning about everything - in the car park he was swearing and shouting at other drivers. He then shouted at me about something entirely innocent in a shop this morning, so I have basically left him to it - I realise it will probably be Monday before he will be ok with me.

I can't live me life like this - but I am at a loss about what to do. I love him very much and he is genuinely a nice guy, but he can be AWFUL to me when he is upset, and it lasts way too long.

Any advice?
henry1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 06-27-2009, 07:25 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: NC
Posts: 1,647
Default Re: Difficulty getting over arguments

Read His Needs Her needs. It helps explain differences between men and women. You know this is how long it takes him to cool down. It could be worse -- it could take weeks. Think about it that way.

But it does seem his way of staying in control. Everybody fights and makes up differently so it is tough to give you any practical advice from my own experiences. My wife can be similar at times - holds a grudge so to speak. Who knows.
Feelingalone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2009, 07:49 AM   #3 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,295
Default Re: Difficulty getting over arguments

Some people are just not compatible, maybe thats the bottom line here?
preso is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Difficulty posting... RandomDude Technical Difficulties? 5 10-02-2011 04:12 PM
Difficulty with sex position. Day_Dreamer Sex in Marriage 6 07-26-2011 09:22 AM
Wife and difficulty orgasming valtys Sex in Marriage 5 06-12-2010 12:50 AM
difficulty being supportive to pregnant wife Mojnet General Relationship Discussion 7 09-08-2009 10:18 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads





Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:35 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage