Difficulty getting over arguments - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 06-27-2009, 07:48 AM Thread Starter
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Difficulty getting over arguments

My husband and I have a fairly tempestous relationship - we are both fiery, passionate characters. Over the years we have got better at resolving issues and we conflict a lot less now then we did when we first moved in together. We probably have a big(ish) row about once a month/6 weeks, which is still probably too often, but is something we are working at.

However, I feel the real issue is how we deal with the aftermath of these fights.

I always try and make sure we have 'made up' within 24 hours - at least so we are speaking to each other and being civil, even though I understand we are both hurt. I try my best to be nice to him and to keep conversation on neutral ground for a couple of days. However, I find that my husband takes a LOT longer to cool down and be civil towards me. Even when we have officially apologised and made up, he is still very grumpy, and picks at every comment I make. I feel he is looking for another argument, so I spend at least 2 days on eggshells, trying to avoid him.

He has admitted as much then after we've had an argument he wants nothing to do with me for 3 or 4 days. I've explained that I don't think this is fair, or practical - that we have to be able to function together as we share a home. He makes me feel like I can't live sometimes, everything I do or say for the next couple of days is wrong.

I have explained to him about this in calmer times, but he dismisses my feelings about this. He doesn't recognise his own moods and how this impacts on us.

We had a row on Thursday, we made up nicely yesterday evening. I tried my best to be on the good side of him. We have been out this morning and he has been grumpy and moaning about everything - in the car park he was swearing and shouting at other drivers. He then shouted at me about something entirely innocent in a shop this morning, so I have basically left him to it - I realise it will probably be Monday before he will be ok with me.

I can't live me life like this - but I am at a loss about what to do. I love him very much and he is genuinely a nice guy, but he can be AWFUL to me when he is upset, and it lasts way too long.

Any advice?
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 06-27-2009, 08:25 AM
Join Date: Apr 2009
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Re: Difficulty getting over arguments

Read His Needs Her needs. It helps explain differences between men and women. You know this is how long it takes him to cool down. It could be worse -- it could take weeks. Think about it that way.

But it does seem his way of staying in control. Everybody fights and makes up differently so it is tough to give you any practical advice from my own experiences. My wife can be similar at times - holds a grudge so to speak. Who knows.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 06-27-2009, 08:49 AM
Join Date: May 2009
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Re: Difficulty getting over arguments

Some people are just not compatible, maybe thats the bottom line here?
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