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Nervous about posting as new member

781 views 4 replies 5 participants last post by  drained 
#1 ·
I'm hoping to find useful advise from other members who may be going through or have gone through some of the things I have been going through in my marriage.
I have been married for over 20 years and have only been unhappy in the last 3 to 4. I have three children. Two are now in their 20's and on their own, one is in high school.
All good kids thank god!

There has been no infidelity on my part and I'm confident it is the same with my wife. I trust her 100%.
I'm not your "standard husband". I cook, I clean, I iron, I do whatever it is that needs to be done to keep our family organized and functional. Both my wife and I work. She is part time and I'm full time.
My wife is a hard worker at her job and always has been. But when it comes to the house, thats another story. She sleeps alot and takes pain pills for a bad back. Although she is always okay to go to work, but not okay when it comes to the house or outdoor activities and events. She has completely lost interest in sex so we really don't have a sex life and that is very hard for me because I'm ready 24/7.
I feel bad because she is in pain, but she doesn't eat healthy, she smokes, and she doesn't take any action to try and improve her current health situation.
I want to stay married, I can't imagine not being with her, so I truly do not want to leave. I have to find a way to make this work so we can grow old together while being healthy and happy.
I do my best to absorb this and appear happy as best I can but she knows things are not good. She tends to put the blame on herself yet year after year there is no change. When I talk to her about my concerns she says she is going to make healthy changes but nothing ever changes. Don't get me wrong I'm far from perfect, but if she came to me and told me she wasn't happy with me, I would do what I could to change and make it better.
The fact that she smokes is a real problem for me. I've been waiting for her to quit for 15 years now. She didn't use to smoke. I never have and I'm super sensitive to the smoke.
What to do!
 
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#4 ·
Does your wife have any idea of just how much you're bothered by these things?

Depression is certainly one possibility that should be ruled out.

As far as smoking, if she expresses an interest in quitting, you might encourage her to use nicotine patches. They make the process MUCH easier. Nicotine is a stimulant, which means it will actually aggravate whatever pain she already has. Knowing her pain will be decreased, too, might help her desire to quit.
 
#5 ·
I would suggest getting her an E-cigarette. I smoked for 15 years. Patches, gum and oral medicine did not help me quit for more than 3-4 weeks. I have been 1 year without a cigarette thanks to the E-cig. You have the option of reducing the nicoteen content gradually. And they have all sorts of flavors. My favorite tastes like strawberry and coconut.
 
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