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and he wonders why i get mad

1K views 8 replies 6 participants last post by  thatbpguy 
#1 ·
so this past week was christmas and it was my husbands and my 6th month old sons first so needless to say he had a lot more new toys, clothes and just a lot of stuff. and of course everything my husband and i recieved from our family. we had to drive around town all day to see our familes so we would stop by our place in between houses and drop off everything we had gotten. by the end of the day the apartment was full of boxes and toys.

when we finally got home it was late and time to put the baby to bed. after that i wanted to straigten things up a bit before laying down because i had to work the next morning. my husband said not to worry about it that we would take care of it later.

the next day i went to work and my husband was off and was watching our son. the only thing he did all day was wash a half sink worth of dishes. i got home and wanted to clean but he again said not to worry we'd take care of it later. so i didnt.

the next day we both worked while my step father watched our son and would keep him over night. so when i got home that night i started to clean but didnt get to much done just stuff out of their boxes. when he got home we went out to grab a quick bite to eat for dinner and when we got back we watched the rest of a movie we started to watch the night before. after the movie i started to finish cleaning. he said he had a headache and was to tired and didnt fell well enough to help out. i understood so i finished cleaning and had a huge pile of laundry to do. he said he would take care of it the next day. he stayed awake til 2 am playing video games

he only worked a half day and only got one load done. i had asked him to set out dinner...he didnt...i asked him to leave me a few bucks for when i got home...he didnt...then he came home early...actually while i was typing this. he didnt do any of the things that i asked him to do..and to find out he sent out a past due bill even later and with out a stamp and now it will be even more late.

every simple thing i ask cant be done, what am i supposed to do: do everything myself, work 40 hours a week compared to him 30, clean, cook, laundry and fit in time to spend with my son and husband?

how do i get him to help out more, at least do the things i ask?
 
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#2 ·
It sounds like your husband does not understand the work that needs to be done to maintain a family. I understand because I was that guy. Your story sounds very similar to mine.

My girlfriend and I lived (me 23 her 24) together with our young daughter and I was perfectly comfortable with letting her do just about everything. All of the cooking, cleaning, and major responsibilities I left for her to do and I helped just a little bit. She worked full time, and I was finishing up school and working around 32 hours. I understood what I needed to do but just didn’t want to, at least not consistently, and I felt like she would never leave me.

She eventually got fed up carrying the load, much like how you sound now, and I saw that… and was afraid of losing my family. The only thing that got her to come around was my consistent effort to be a man for my family. Now I’m happy to say that we work as a team. I actually take pride in carrying the majority of the load and creating an environment of comfort for my family.

For guys, I believe there is a select few at our age who have the innate ability to understand the work involved with living with their lady and child. You need to talk to him and let him know that you need help. You can’t be the only person doing all of the household chores. Tell him to get off his a**and work for his fam or he won’t have one. It worked for me.
 
#3 ·
we got back we watched the rest of a movie we started to watch the night before.
Don't sit around watching movies until after all the housework and promised chores are done.

i asked him to leave me a few bucks for when i got homework 40 hours a week compared to him 30
You work 40 hours he works 30 hours yet you're asking him for money?

I don't get it. :scratchhead:

As far as him doing nothing around the house, when he's watching video games until 2 am, walk in and unplug the computer and tell him to go do what he promised and only then will the computer be turned back on again. Or, better yet remove the hard drive when he's at work and hide it somewhere until he promises to put housework first. Of course sex is out of the question while he's being irresponsible.

There must be consequences.
 
#7 ·
I don't think it is as simple as him just helping out or paying up. As a young man he needs help to understand the weight of what he has at his hands. A family... the responsibility. Although he is treating his wife as a parent doesn't mean she should treat him like a child. Treat him like the man he should be and he will become one, if he doesn't let him go. Simple.
 
#8 ·
a few things to understand...i work 40 hours a week because i have to. we live in a college town and i have a lousy paying job and so does my husband. we cant afford to hire someone. and he had the money cause he keeps better track of it then i do. and we finished watching a movie because we finally had time to relax without having to take care of our son.
 
#9 ·
how do i get him to help out more, at least do the things i ask?
workaholic_momma92, you have just asked one of the great questions of all ages. On a par with such questions as 'what is the meaning of life?' and 'why do birds fly?'.

I'm going to tell you something that I want you to remember- Men are pigs. It is in our very genes to not clean or help out much. I know, I know, it's hard to believe. But I speak from 55 years of pigdom, so pay attention.

So how do you get him to help out more?

Again, such a question! From one so young!

Well, don't nag him and become a bitc*. Us pigs will just tune you out. Bad idea. Bad workaholic_momma92!

Try either reasoning with him and/or positive reinforcement. Tell him why it's important to pitch in more and not put things off until later. Or maybe tell him if certain things get done, the two of you can go out for a nice dinner together. Or promise him some certain sexual favor he normally has to beg for if he will do certain things around the place... Get creative about soliciting his help. We pigs like that stuff. My wife had me vacuuming the house today- of all things. But she did it nicely. Next I'm going to go and trim the rose bushes. And I hate yard work. She has her ways- find yours.
 
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