General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
mtyfmog - Sorry for the silliness, but it helps us all ya know?
I also forgot. Dont expect things to be like when you were first married. It CANT stay the same. There are waaaaaayy to many changes in life for that to happen. Add stress + stress +stress = a right mess if youre not careful. Perhaps the two of you just got of track together somewhere in all that and forgot what as important.
Sometimes you just gotta laugh through the tears....and trust me I've had my fair share of those tears
Glad I can bring ya'll a smile every once in a while
I try...
Mtyfmog...may I suggest if the wifey is willing that you guys schedule a dinner w/o the MIL and you sit down and have an honest conversation w/her...you guys need to discuss this alone, she needs to know you're serious about your feelings and this is NOT a joke period. She also needs to know that her reactions are not kosher, they aren't things you say to a spouse and slinging around "oh you can just leave" not cool at all...I wish you luck keep us posted and let us help you if we can...
__________________ "Cause I'll be there, in the back of your mind, from the day we met to the very last night, and it's just too bad, you've already had the best days, the best days of your life..."
What do people do who find themselves in a situation like this? They put up with it until it hurts too much, then they find a way out....
How do I decide if I want my relationship to continue? I'd just write the pros and cons and figure out if you are being cared about, then decide If I don't do I stick it out for the kids? Personally, I think your situation is a very bad reason to stick it out for the kids, I believe your wife is a bad example for your children: she is showing your kids how to NOT treat a spouse, your kids are LEARNING a BAD lesson from your wife, and you are enabling HER to teach them a bad lesson, you are as responsible as your wife is.Use protection just in case?If it were me, I'd not even be thinking sex with her.....because I truly do not think she goes out as much as she does, picks guys up and drives them places, and stays faithful; I think you naive. I am just over reacting? If ANYTHING I would say you are UNDER-REACTING BIG TIME!
Call me old fashioned, but I don't think married people should individually go out dancing very often, IF AT ALL! Together, yes, but not when you are married. Your wife sounds like a party girl, and she wants to be single.
You said: "Why would she say that and stay with me? She makes more than enough to live on her own with the kids. If she truley didn't care I think she would have been gone. I don't know."
She says that BECAUSE she is fishing WHILE you are still with her! She is CLEARLY hunting for your replacement, and isn't woman enough to get out! Her mom gets to run all over you, her sister gets to run all over you, SHE runs all over you, WHY would she leave?
Your kids deserve better than this....you should not let them be raised watching the way she, her mother, and her sister are treating you; your kids are LEARNING this way of living and it is wrong!
You don't even have any say in your own home for NINE months of a year. You work hard, you are trying to do better (college). I think you deserve so much better a relationship, and I think IN YOUR HEART you know that too.
I think you naive. I am just over reacting? If ANYTHING I would say you are UNDER-REACTING BIG TIME!
I was checking phone records for her cell phone tonight.
13 calls (since June 29) from on of her married male friends that she goes dancing with. The guys wife lets him go out alone too. The same guy who she gave a ride home to Friday(really early morning Saturday) and the same guy she went to go pick up Saturday morning to get his car.
Her cell phone rang at 1:30 am this morning and she said it was a wrong #. Turns out it was from this guy... The converstaions are not long just 1-4 minutes per call.
Am I wrong to tell her no more going out w/o me and no more contact with this man?
__________________ "Cause I'll be there, in the back of your mind, from the day we met to the very last night, and it's just too bad, you've already had the best days, the best days of your life..."
What it boils down to is that your wife is still acting single. There is one and only one reason why she goes club hopping without you. It is to play the game. Sorry dude. Read my threads and you'll see I went through the same thing. I'm actually grateful now because all this mess is making me grow a spine finally. Kick that woman to the curb bro.
I told her tonight no more contact with this man she has been calling and talking with. I found out she had coffee with him Saturday morning which surprised me.
She says I am crazy and that if she was cheating she would tell me. I don't think she is physically anyway.
She said she is still going out. She will still call this man. So, the ultimatum didn't work.
Wow. Has this woman dominated you or what? You allowed this to happen. I'm sorry to say and I wont lie. You need some lessons in assertiveness and confidence. I'm so sorry that you are in this mess but I can see several chess moves ahead and they all end with your wife having an affair and rubbing it in your face and calling you nuts and jealous and making you feel like ****.
She is having an affair, I'm calling it. You are at the point where she tries to convince you that you are crazy. Let me tell you, if you let her do that, you WILL go crazy. You are NOT crazy my friend. And I know you don't dare think it but your wife has had not one encounter but several others...she has been doing this for years as you already said. This is completely unacceptable, from both of you!
Talking to your wife at this point in my opinion is pointless. She has zero respect for you and takes complete advantage of your responsible, kind and understanding personality. You are a doormat.
Am I being too harsh? I don't want to make you feel bad but someone needs to wake you up. GROW A SPINE! BE A MAN! People tried waking me up too and I was just so far gone with trust and denial that I was pretty much hopeless. Ironically, my wife's mental condition made things so bad that it forced me to wake up....if my wife wasn't completely cookoo I would still be in this relationship...in denial....afraid to really consider and ask questions.
I'm so glad I woke up out of my daze. I am a free man. Dump her. Your kids will be fine. Take care of them as I do with mine. You are the responsible one. Let her act like the child she is, you can't control that. Be the adult, be a man, take care of your ****. Kick her out and get her to pay child support, its the least she can do. If you haven't done so already, talk to a lawyer.
I love to dance and my hubby is a great dancer, but doesn't do it much. There have been times when I just went out with the girls to go dancing, but it was like once every other weekend. Also, hubby and have "safe" people who each can dance with. I usually dance alone or with a gf. Of course, I'm just there to dance, so what is the need to dance with some guy who could get the wrong impression, or appear disrespectful to my hubby.
I think it is very easy to get into a rut, and I don't think it happens on purpose. It's kind of like developing a bad habit. It looks to me like your wife is being incredibly selfish. She does what she wants with no regard to your feelings. It looks to me like she has a huge lack of respect for you. The only way you can work this out is to sit down and communicate and care what the other is saying. The problem is that you BOTH have to WANT to do it.
Don't stay in a marriage just for the kids. They need an example of what a healthy marriage is like and you are their biggest example.
Personally, I would take love and happiness over money any day of the week!
Moving on, or working things out with your wife, can be very hard, but also very empowering and rewarding.
I'm just there to dance, so what is the need to dance with some guy who could get the wrong impression, or appear disrespectful to my hubby.
I think it is very easy to get into a rut, and I don't think it happens on purpose. She does what she wants with no regard to your feelings. It looks to me like she has a huge lack of respect for you. The only way you can work this out is to sit down and communicate and care what the other is saying. The problem is that you BOTH have to WANT to do it.
Don't stay in a marriage just for the kids. They need an example of what a healthy marriage is like and you are their biggest example.
I feel as if I am in a rut, but I would and have gone out with her. Its just she wants to go out all of the time and especially when I can't go. Combined with the fact that I ask her not to go out she says she'll do what she wants. She is big enough to take care iof herself.
I feel as if I am in a rut, but I would and have gone out with her. Its just she wants to go out all of the time and especially when I can't go. Combined with the fact that I ask her not to go out she says she'll do what she wants. She is big enough to take care iof herself.
Huge red flag.
I'm so sorry. I lived through the same thing.
Time to man up and take care of business. Stop dwelling in this, you know whats going on, stop being in denial it is hell.
We can't control women and the only control we have is to choose the choosers. If you want to be with someone that expects you to act married and a responsible parent while she goes out and acts single and gets laid every weekend then thats your decision. I don't see how you can trust anything that comes out of her mouth...hence talking = pointless.
Wow! She says you are neglecting her? Is she on the crack? You are putting up with so much unecessary crap right now its unreal. Your wife sounds like she is 19 yrs old and leaving you with the kids is definitely no way to role model or to be a mom.
I agree with Dark Angel, you are outnumbered in this situation and she got you by the ballsack. Kick them all to the curb, you are the only responsible person in this scenario and my heart feels for you.
I used to go out but was maybe once a month and my husband gave me crap for that so I stopped seeing my friends altogether. If she has any respect for you, the children or your marriage whatsoever than she will make changes. I wish you luck my friend.
Your "wife" is no wife by any stretch of the imagination. The reason you are unhappy is that you KNOW this.
Do you want to continue the example she is setting for your children?
I'd file for divorce. End of story. You drew a line in the sand, she flippantly told you she is going to do whatever she wants BECAUSE she knows you will roll over and play dead.
You need to show her, you are NOT playing. Tell her the next time she goes out, she is not to come back.
Then file for divorce ASAP. Change the locks.
You deserve more than this...good people do.
(Sorry, but I don't even know your wife, but I want to smack her up beside her head and yell at her: you have CHILDREN, and a NICE man...what is your problem, WOMAN????)
The frequency with which my soon to be ex-wife is going out is increasing and I have a lot of built up resentment. We are in the middle of divorce proceedings and she seems to just love going out without me or our 2 children. It shouldn't really bother me as
a) we're getting divorced and
b) when she's out there's no tension in the household, just resentment that she leaves me at home with the children many weekends and I have NO time for myself (after a week's work) to clean,furnish and actually move into the flat I'll be renting.
About 5 months ago she befriended some people at yoga class and through them has been going out to different social events and sleepovers. This was even before she started the divorce proceedings. I thought I was doing the right thing by giving her her space to relax and do her own thing. I don't believe she has actually slept with anyone in this time, just that she woke up, looked in the mirror and realised she was tired of her life and wanted excitement - but without me.
Anyway, although she does briefly tell me of her planned trips abroad etc. she also tells me at very short notice ie. 2-3 days prior to actually travelling, that she's been "invited" to some other event. Like I said, we're getting divorced anyway and for this reason alone I feel I don't have the right to say anything to her. Does anyone think I should just let her carry on how she is or should I put my foot down and tell her enough is enough and wait for the divorce to be final (approx. in another 3 months) before she goes off on her frequent trips?
Re: wife goes out on weekends too much IMO 
Re: wife goes out on weekends too much IMO 
but I don't even know your wife, but I want to smack her
