wedlocked

i've been married 29 years now and feel ours is a good and happy marriage. our son is 26 and paying off his own place; our daughter at 23 is finishing her nursing degree after a late start.

my wife has had her moments, but then i dont blame her as i am no perfect man. and times are tough right now; we might loose our house. but tonight's issue got me thinking. i wrote the following email to my wife, but did not send it; i might print it out and discuss it with her tomorrow evening. but, what are YOUR recommendations?

background, our house faces a t-junction, and just 60m (200ft) away is another t-junction but this one with a tiny roundabout where one could make a u-turn...

regards,
wedlocked
(i chose 'wedlocked' because i am committed to lifelong marriage - not because i feel i am forced to be married!)

"nameofwife

this is what - in my view - happened tonight:

1. we drove up to the t-junction
2. i had not switched on my turn indicators (we go 'straight' into our driveway)
3. we paused; there was a car on the street blocking our driveway
4. so i turned instead, and only then noticed there was a car inches behind - from the street we turned out from
5. he/she was not behind when i was driving slowly towards our house - or u would have noticed it too; they must have been speeding up behind us
6. okay i did not switch on my turn indicators, but that's life - not something i would consider major; yes i felt sorry for the driver behind who did not know that we lived in the house in front, but there was nothing i could do to help him/her understand at that moment why my turn indicators had not been switched On, or perhaps why i paused so "long" before turning
7. when i got to the roundabout, there was an oncoming car that may not have realised we were doing a u-turn
8. so i slowed - just in case (i do this all the time)
9. the guy behind got even more angry
10. i kept my cool
11. i wasn't going to rush around the roundabout and get hit just to please the guy behind
12. u got angry with ME (for trying to "purposely"?? upset the guy behind)
13. i said, it doesn't bother me. his problem. chill. i noticed too late that this made you get even more angry.
14. when we got in the house you side i was being unreasonable/bad tempered with our daughter about not turning on the aircon - she and her friends were cold (it's winter here in australia right now!)
15. shortly after that you also YELLED at me when i asked u a question (about the money for the gardener)
16. and now you're still mad with me and gone to bed silent

is this really something you have to be upset about? what is your view about this that i've missed??? TELL ME. help me to understand!

sure, i am useless and not earning an income/have caused us to loose this house you love; just tell that to my face if you want, but please don't use the stupid driver as an excuse to vent your anger at me if so.

me
1030pm"

swedish

Do you really believe she is thinking this, or is this your own frustration with your current situation? I'm sure you are both under a lot of stress right now, but if she is seeing you short-tempered she may just be thinking she has the same stress as well and your short temper isn't helping the situation, just adding to it.

You might get a better reaction if you open up to her about how you are really feeling about your situation so you can both talk about it.

feylovelyheart

I am amazed that You remembered all the details.

I always want to do that to my husband. Make a list for what happened that make him so angry even for something which is not big deal (at least according to me).

I agree with what swedish wrote. I think you should be open to your wife. I am sure both of you are in high stress right now and maybe by talking about it to each other will clear things up.

About your title to this thread. I would like ask the same.

Can't understand why men get mad so easily?

JDPreacher

Displaced anger is common when under extreme stress, which would be a safe guess if you are close to losing your house. And if you did act so irresponsibly with your driving then I can understand that she might feel that you did not need a potential hospital bill and the cost of getting another car or having one repaird because of an accident.

Back off...love your wife...

Preacher

sisters359

Is it so hard to say "Hey, I'm sorry. I don't want to make you feel more stressed out. I'll try to remember the turn signal in the future." And then--VERY IMPORTANT--follow through. Doesn't matter if there is no traffic; always use the turn signal. It's a little thing, a habit, and it's a good habit to have. She, frankly, is right about using it, although she may have jumped to conclusions about why you didn't use it.

Also, why would she assume you were trying to make the other driver angry? Do you like to teach people a lesson in a passive-aggressive way like this? If so, she has another point. If not, just chalk it up to her being stressed out and over-reacting--but, you were still wrong. Just apologize, love her, tell her you hate adding to her stress, and maybe it will all work out. Best of luck.

recent_cloud

your monetary problems and oddly well documented autoclash trivialities are background for your right fighting.

the stress in your marriage existed long before the economy went south, or north, since you're in australia.

as they say, do you want to be right or happy.