lonelynewlywed

I almost feel silly for complaining about a great guy, considering I have been in some horrible relationships in my past (abusive, ect.) but I can't help the emptiness I feel. My husband and I met 3 years ago and after 6 months of an amazing start to our relationship, to our surprise, we found out I was pregnant. (I was on the pill) We decided, after much thought, that we really loved each other and had every intention of being together forever and eventually wanted children anyway, so why not now, it was God's plan right? So we had our beautiful daughter, bought a house and moved in together. We never argued and were madly in love. At two months old we discovered our daughter has a terrible rare liver disease and would need surgery and eventually a transplant. This brought us even closer together as we fought to keep our surprise baby alive and well. That december he proposed to me as we wanted everyone to know that we weren't just getting married for our daughter but because we loved each other. In Oct of 08 we were married and one of the most wonderfully enjoyable weddings you could ever imagine surrounded my 200 of our closest friends and family.
So what am I getting at ? I don't really know when it all started but for months now I have been crying out for attention from my husband with little to no return. Don't get me wrong he is a great provider and in general a great guy, but I just dont feel that I am important or a priority to him at all. I have done everything I know how to discuss this with him (Im a firm believer in open communication) Everytime I bring up the subject he gets sarcastic and defensive. I am primarly a stay at home mom but have recently taken on a part time job to help us get by. I do the majority of our house work as well as take care of our daughter while he works a normall 9 -5 Mon- Fri job. All i want is him to want to spend some quality time with me, to want to lay and cuddle, to have something nice to say to me and not gripe because his laundry wasn't done that day. Our sex life went from once a day to barely once every other week , and it isn't because we don't have time. He always says he is tired, but I just dont understand how I can manage to do all that I do and still have energry to want to spend time with him, yet he doesn't. Not to mention just about ever decision I make during my day, I consider him, and I honestly don't think he considers me or our daughter in any decision. I honestly feel like he is stuck in bachelor mode and only thinks about himself. What happened to the loving guy that would lay with me for hours and just talk and hold each other and actually made me feel loved?


I'm sorry if this is a jumbled mess but I have so much to say and can only type so much. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

modernchica

Hey,
I dont know if I could give you any advice but I definitely know how you feel. I have been married for 7 months now and I totally feel all alone. When my H and I were dating things were different. He was much more "into" me and we did more things. If we werent together we would talk on the phone for hours, and if we were together we enjoyed one another, and Yes, we had sex all the time. But I dont know what happens when you get married. Sometimes I think I have unrealistic expectations and other times I think that he loves himself more than he loves me. But since we have gotten married I have realized something about me. I have been focusing too much on him and definitely not enough on me. I really want to start doing things that I enjoy and find interesting even if he is not there to join me. Because you best believe he does everything he wants to do while I am at home doing laundry and washing dishes. So I think that is what we need to do. We need to take pages from our H's books and start to focus a little more on ourselves. Now of course we wont go full blast but I think I need to prioritize my life again. I sometimes think that this relationship has zapped away some of my personality.

GPR

Welcome to Marriage!

It's always hard to adjust in the beginning of a marriage. It's new for everyone. A lot of couples go through this stage when the "newness" wears off. You start to find out a lot about your partner that way. But that doesn't mean it's over, it juts mean the work starts. Marriage ain't easy, ask anyone on here. I know as a guy, I started doing the same thing after the newness wore off, and it takes a while to adjust.

You've got to figure out how to get some communication lines open. And if he doesn't respond, then some actions can start. If he complains about laundry, stop doing it. When he complains about it. Tell him you are done with it until he decides to listen and take some action here. And you might have to repeat this process to some extent for a while. Because they can fall back into old habits without realizing it (I did). But he will either eventually learn, or you will just have to take some harder actions...

Blanca

well my first impression is that the relationship has been all about you and now he's bitter. his sarcasm tells me he's bitter and angry at you. Also, is staying home all day a big transition for you?

this might sound cliche, but ask your H if he feels loved. you might be surprised to find out that he feels exactly as you do- and may have been feeling it a lot longer then you.

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