I don't care what was said (within reason), if his mother has apologized, it's time for the wife to FRIGGING GROW UP and be an adult. His family IS her family. They have kids. She can't keep doing this to her family because she's THAT PETTY and can't let go of a grudge. At SOME point, you have to mend fences in a family (unless something truly disturbing happened like abuse).
Well, obviously you are a reasonable person.
What is not reasonable is the husband who is currently telling this story to start in the middle instead of the beginning. You also have all the intermediary development on what the "apology" was, exactly.
"I'm sorry you're such a worthless daughter in law who can't take a joke, and I miss you so terribly because we like to make fun of how retarded you are..." mkgal1
Made another catch I missed. Leaving the wife at home and going to the family dinner alone is not showing that you put the wife first. But then again, I say the same thing when I fly with my mistress to the carribean: I make it clear that my wife comes first.
I really don't know how to call this with such a sketchy accounting. If a person really wants help from others, they pour out the details.
On the other hand when we try to paint someone as bad, we often provide a stylized framing that omits game-changing details.