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post #31 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-21-2013, 10:53 PM
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

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Originally Posted by Wiserforit View Post
My eyes are working perfectly, thanks. Yes, he is. See how right we were?

Having "reasons" for it doesn't change the fact he is hiding it.

You can't have it both ways: asking for input but concealing something relevant. If you aren't prepared to tell the full story, then don't be asking for input.
I don't think wanting to keep some things private and not post them to the entire world is hiding something.

The OP posted his interpretation of what is going on and was hoping for help in how to mend his family. We often take peopel at their word here. AFter all we seldom get the 'rest of the story'. We get one person's side and that's it.

Well he posted his side of the story and wants help.

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post #32 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-21-2013, 10:54 PM
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

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He went to Thanksgiving dinner after 8 years of not going... so ya, he supported wife.
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post #33 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-21-2013, 11:04 PM
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

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I'm posting this because of the speculation and negative remarks that are starting because uncool (the OP) has not posted what his mother said.

Uncool is not trying to hide anything.

He PM'd me and told me what his mom said. What was said is related to something very private to the entire family, his extended family and his immediate family, and he's concerned about posting it here. I have suggested that he post it so he's thinking about doing that.

I can understand his reluctance to post but think it would be beneficial for him if he does.

It's not my place of course to divulge what was told to me in private.

I will hold of on any other comments until he does or does not post.
So you're a reasonable person, and likely respected in these parts. If he gives you permission to comment, would you say the MIL comments were grudge-worthy? 6 months worth? 6 years worth?

Just wondering...

C
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post #34 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-21-2013, 11:25 PM
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

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So you're a reasonable person, and likely respected in these parts. If he gives you permission to comment, would you say the MIL comments were grudge-worthy? 6 months worth? 6 years worth?

Just wondering...

C
I'll send him a PM and ask if it's ok is I give my opinion on here.
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post #35 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-21-2013, 11:35 PM
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

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I don't think wanting to keep some things private and not post them to the entire world is hiding something.
You are free to think whatever silly thing you want.

He's not posting to the entire world. He is posting anonymously to less than .00000000001% of the world.

For practical purposes his entire life is private, and will remain so even after divulging whatever this is. Nobody here knows who he is, so this is a ludicrous position.

It is manipulative to start a thread and then enlist support through PM's to people who value petty privilige of secret information. My response to that would be to ask that if they can't give people the truth, then delete the thread.
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post #36 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-21-2013, 11:46 PM
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

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Originally Posted by Wiserforit View Post
You are free to think whatever silly thing you want.

He's not posting to the entire world. He is posting anonymously to less than .00000000001% of the world.

For practical purposes his entire life is private, and will remain so even after divulging whatever this is. Nobody here knows who he is, so this is a ludicrous position.

It is manipulative to start a thread and then enlist support through PM's to people who value petty privilige of secret information. My response to that would be to ask that if they can't give people the truth, then delete the thread.
So now I"m someone who values "petty privilige".

Thanks for that
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post #37 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-22-2013, 12:37 AM
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

This message board might not have many viewers, true, but isn't anyone else creeped out by the "share" button in the corner? Do you know how many times I've almost accidentally clicked that and posted something to Facebook? I understand the OP's reluctance to share identifying details. That "share" button would have driven me away by now if there was any other place with such great, marriage-wise people to go to!
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post #38 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-22-2013, 03:07 AM
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

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Another thought I had is.........I'm not sure how the conclusions were drawn about your wife "hating" your mom.....and your mom "liking" your wife. It's a pretty common tactic for a person that doesn't have true remorse to be the one to say things like....."I sure do miss Sally Sue......" when they (not saying your mom does this....just that it's possible)....the ones that caused the rift in the first place, are the very reason that Sally Sue doesn't feel safe to come around the group any longer.

It sounds like your mom has loads of support (including you....OP)....but, who has your wife's back? It seems that your wife has become the scape goat.
This sounds very familiar to me...

I remember seeing my ex-MIL from hell after about 20 years at my son's graduation. She was sweetness and light towards me in front of my son, but the minute his back was turned she deliberately started trying to provoke me. My son loved and defended her to her death, telling me how she only ever praised what a good mother I'd been etc...

I'm not saying that this is the case with the OP's mother, but some people are very clever at keeping a rift going without appearing to be the instigator.

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post #39 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-22-2013, 05:25 AM
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

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This message board might not have many viewers, true, but isn't anyone else creeped out by the "share" button in the corner? Do you know how many times I've almost accidentally clicked that and posted something to Facebook? I understand the OP's reluctance to share identifying details. That "share" button would have driven me away by now if there was any other place with such great, marriage-wise people to go to!
On popular forums like these, there are hundreds, it not thousands, of 'guests' reading for every member who is on line at any one time.
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post #40 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-22-2013, 07:24 AM
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

BINGO!!!!! Then she'd tell him how rude I'd been to HER and he'd be pissed at ME. UFB how manipulative she was for years. He finally caught on but not before she did it to HIM. In front of him she'd smile at me and use the sweetest of voices, the minute he left the room she'd turn her back on me and refuse to acknowledge my existence or she would directly insult me then when I'd respond she'd pretend to be offended and tell him how rude I was to her. I stopped attending family functions as well.

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post #41 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-22-2013, 07:51 AM
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

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BINGO!!!!! Then she'd tell him how rude I'd been to HER and he'd be pissed at ME. UFB how manipulative she was for years. He finally caught on but not before she did it to HIM. In front of him she'd smile at me and use the sweetest of voices, the minute he left the room she'd turn her back on me and refuse to acknowledge my existence or she would directly insult me then when I'd respond she'd pretend to be offended and tell him how rude I was to her. I stopped attending family functions as well.
It's very difficult to win with people like this because they play the game so well.

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post #42 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-22-2013, 07:59 AM
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

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It's very difficult to win with people like this because they play the game so well.
Yep. It only took 17 yrs but he finally caught on. I had stopped attending family functions with him a couple of years before that. And yes, it irritated me every time he went but on the other hand I understood it. The part that made me so mad was that he would get mad at me for not going. Well, then deal with your mother. EVERY time there was an issue between the two of us- it ALWAYS fell on me from him bc he wouldnt say anything to his mother. That built some resentment from me toward him for not defending me to her.

He now sees that he should have. Live and learn, right?
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post #43 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-22-2013, 08:12 AM
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

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It's very difficult to win with people like this because they play the game so well.
I dont think MILs play it well normally. Everyone else around them has just come to accept that's how they are. Well a child can accept his mother's flaws and minimise them but a self respecting SIL/DIL doesn't have to accept anything less than decency and respect from thier MIL. Mohters have a way of thinking they are queen B in their children's marriages. Good luck seeing the grandkids often when they are like that.

But still I'm curious about OP because 14 years is a long time. I could see once every few years that she tries and then get's pissed again.

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post #44 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-22-2013, 08:19 AM
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

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Yep. It only took 17 yrs but he finally caught on. I had stopped attending family functions with him a couple of years before that. And yes, it irritated me every time he went but on the other hand I understood it. The part that made me so mad was that he would get mad at me for not going. Well, then deal with your mother. EVERY time there was an issue between the two of us- it ALWAYS fell on me from him bc he wouldnt say anything to his mother. That built some resentment from me toward him for not defending me to her.

He now sees that he should have. Live and learn, right?
It's good that your H finally saw through his mother, but sad that it was necessary for him to do so. Do you think she'll mend her ways? Hopefully, her son is more important to her than point scoring and playing games with you.

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
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post #45 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-22-2013, 08:25 AM
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

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Originally Posted by Wiserforit View Post
You are free to think whatever silly thing you want.

He's not posting to the entire world. He is posting anonymously to less than .00000000001% of the world.

For practical purposes his entire life is private, and will remain so even after divulging whatever this is. Nobody here knows who he is, so this is a ludicrous position.

It is manipulative to start a thread and then enlist support through PM's to people who value petty privilige of secret information. My response to that would be to ask that if they can't give people the truth, then delete the thread.
Wiser, I think you're being unfair and unnecessarily rude to Elegirl and to uncool. It's ok for someone to decide how much of a situation to reveal on a public forum that will float around in cyberspace forever, just like it's ok to believe that it's anonymous and always will be.

I can't understand why you'd feel hostile over it?!?!

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