This sort of thing can be very hard to deal with, OP, and it's a pity that there hadn't been some sort of family counseling at the time...
Perhaps your M was insensitive saying what she did to your W, and I'm sure it angered your W a lot, but it's just very sad that all this wasn't put to rest years ago.
Have you considered MC?
wife won't go to MC. She will only see our bishop (church leader who councils people). The problem with our relationship is she would't speak to me or communicate with me at all about our marriage. So we went to one session together with our bishop (church leader). I was accused of not being a good listener. So I agreed in advance to have a "roasting" session so to speak. Where she could just lay it all on me while I listened. It was brutal. She told me she's been so cold to me for years hoping that I'd leave her. So I did leave her after that then she begged me to come back. I'm back now but she's being cold again. Topic for another thread. I still love my wife but am learning to fall out of love with her. It's hard but you gotta do it.
Something here still just isnt adding up. So bc your brother inappropriately touched your daughter 17 yrs ago-your W basically hates you and your MIL????? yes Thats really what youre saying here. I can most certainly understand her having NOTHING to do wiht your brother-EVER. But I dont understand what that has to do with cutting you off sexually or never speaking to your MIL again????
Surely there is some filler here.....
yes I don't get it either. I was I had more information of "filler" for you. That's why I'm on this website.
This is just conjecture on my part, but I don't think it's just that incident that erupted years ago that's the main issue. I think it's probably an overall feeling that no one is on your wife's side and that she's always expected to "get over it" and "move on". It seems to me that typically the people that suggest that ("let's just move on and get past that") are often the ones that are causing most of the damage.
You talk about this as if it all goes back to 14 years ago......but, you already mentioned a recent encroachement (your mom coming to your home, and your wife being judged for leaving). If there's been pressure for fourteen years that your wife, "just get over the past and move on"......while she is being disrespected (in the present).........that doesn't give a person much security that the future would be any different than the past ever was. To me......it seems that the fourteen year period has only given your wife *more* reason to believe that things aren't going to improve unless someone (hopefully you, OP) stands up for her and understands her perspective.
no, my wife is not being judged or disrespected by my mother. I felt I have stood up for her. If I was wrong and I haven't done it good enough, then how should I have done it?
Ummmmmm- because he touched his 2 yr old inappropriately.
- he violated my kid and me (since it was my own blood)
- He's not all "there" in his head and is a weirdo. He operates on about a 12yr old level and isn't someone I relate with.
-because it wouldn't look good to my wife to be buddies with someone who fondled her kid.