.. but that I keep thinking it will change. She keeps giving me little glimmers of hope leading me on I guess.
I hear ya. I've lived with shreds of hope for years. The thing is, I finally realized that hoping things will change is wishful, what-if thinking.
We are dealing with the here and now. That is what-is thinking. You have a wife who is consumed with hurt, which has metastasized into hatred for your entire family.
My gut instinct is telling me that when you assert yourself and say, "Enough!" she backs down and wants you to be with her. As soon as she's comfy again, she kicks you back to the curb.
That is her agenda. And it doesn't sound particularly healthy. I lived with my alcoholic husband for years. I thought I was a total failure as a wife if I left, so I stayed and witnessed him decend into the depths of his addiction. It was lonely, scarey, and a no-win situation.
He didn't want help. He still doesn't want help. Assuming your wife identifies herself as a Christian, I'm sure you realize her behavior is anything but. So, that puts the onus of responsibility on your plate. There are times we have to confront.
You have an undiapered elephant in your living room. It stinks. No, I'm not saying your wife has to forgive your brother. But she has to find healing and peace. Apparently, that isn't forthcoming.
I think you may want to reconsider moving out again and not coming home until she gets solid help for her issues. Don't get sucked in if she offers sex or improved communication. Let her get help. If she refuses, live apart.