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post #121 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-24-2013, 10:25 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

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Nowhere in scripture is a wife told to "leave and cleave" i didn't say that, you did That is only ever directed to husband. So you are putting the pants on your wife expecting that.so the Lord says that husbands are expected to cleave unto their wives.. but not vice-versa. This is not the teachings of the Lord I worship

It is your responsibility to leave your family of origin (FOO) and cleave to your wife and I have done that over and over and over again. I've now lived with my wife longer than I have ever lived with my parents
Your relationship with your mother versus your wife makes me question whether you have done this? Can you please explain why you think this? What would make you think I'd rather be with my mom instead of a loving wife? what normal man would want that? I left when I was 18 never wanting to live there again not because I hated them and that they were awful people, but because I was now a man and wanted to go have my own life and family

BTW Twas my husband who abandoned me and the children no man would leave his wife for no reason which makes me wonder what you did to make him leave since you say you had a normal sexual marriage. Long story and this is not my thread. But I stand by my opinion that your wife is right to stick with it for the sake of the children. I wholeheartedly disagree that the wife should just fake it that she loves her husband just so the kids will have a father figure. This is a sick and abusive anti-husband and anti-marriage behavior

ETA: JFTR unlike your situation, we have never had a sexless marriage so you're doing him even though you don't love him anymore? does he know this?.
I answered you in bold above

So you're saying women are to have their needs met by their husbands...and husbands are just there for their fathering skills only (aka sperm doners)



.


Last edited by uncool; 01-24-2013 at 10:30 AM. Reason: punctuation
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post #122 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-24-2013, 10:37 AM
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

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.. and I have done that over and over and over again. I've now lived with my wife longer than I have ever lived with my parents
What do you mean that you have cleaved to your wife "over and over"? It should only take once. And living with your wife for however long is not the same as cleaving to her. It's a state of heart and mind, not a physical event.

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no man would leave his wife for no reason which makes me wonder what you did to make him leave since you say you had a normal sexual marriage
Seriously? You need to do some reading around on this forum alone, and you will see plenty of men leaving their wives. Whether they are leaving them because they don't want to be married, leaving them for another woman - whatever - there are reasons that have nothing to do with the wife "making him" leave.
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post #123 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-24-2013, 12:02 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

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What do you mean that you have cleaved to your wife "over and over"? It should only take once. And living with your wife for however long is not the same as cleaving to her. It's a state of heart and mind, not a physical event.
come on now I think most people know what I mean when I say I cleave unto my wife. I think we all know it's not a physical event.

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Originally Posted by janefw View Post
Seriously? You need to do some reading around on this forum alone, and you will see plenty of men leaving their wives. Whether they are leaving them because they don't want to be married, leaving them for another woman - whatever - there are reasons that have nothing to do with the wife "making him" leave.
yes, I stand by what I said and I'll slightly rephrase it for you "no unretarded man would leave his wife for no reason" and I'm sorry you don't agree.
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post #124 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-24-2013, 12:26 PM
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

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I wholeheartedly disagree that the wife should just fake it that she loves her husband just so the kids will have a father figure. This is a sick and abusive anti-husband and anti-marriage behavior
Hmmm. So that is what you think of your wife? No wonder her passion has died.

The scripture nowhere gives a wife the responsibility for agape love. That is only ever assigned to the husband. Again you are trying to put the pants on your wife!

Now, Titus 2 does talk about older women teaching younger women to be their husband’s friend. And I am my husband’s best friend. And I believe that as far as actions go, I have lived out love (Jesus ‘greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friend’) I have laid down my life in millions of ways, not the least of which is the wear and tear of bearing his 8 children.
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post #125 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-24-2013, 12:26 PM
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

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.so the Lord says that husbands are expected to cleave unto their wives.. but not vice-versa. This is not the teachings of the Lord I worship
Well then I misunderstood you. I thought you went by the Bible not things you made up.

I go by the Bible. The scriptures only ever tell husbands to leave and cleave, not wives. I think this is because women tend to have an inordinate clinginess toward their husbands. If you look for example, at cheating spouses on TAM, a woman who has been betrayed is much more likely to work through it and stay together than a man. We women are inordinately clingy which all started in Gen 3:16. God is too smart to add fuel to our sick clinginess by telling us on top of it that it is our responsibility for the “leave and cleave”.
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post #126 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-24-2013, 12:29 PM
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

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no man would leave his wife for no reason which makes me wonder what you did to make him leave since you say you had a normal sexual marriage.
It was about like this:
Casting Crowns - American Dream (with lyrics) - YouTube

My husband’s job choice kept him chronically away from home for as long as 3 months at a stretch and the very first night at a hotel he dived right into internet porn, followed by strip clubs, then an affair. Accompanied by piles and heaps of neglect and abusiveness toward the children and I...

Slow Fade by Casting Crowns with lyrics - YouTube
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post #127 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-24-2013, 12:33 PM
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

Since you (uncool) quoted Scripture.....then, maybe this article will "speak" to you.

Quote:
Are you struggling right now with one of your in-laws who has been intruding into your marriage? Or, have you allowed your own parent to interfere in your relationship with your spouse? If you are unsure about what I mean by these terms intruding and interfering, let me explain.

Are you the spouse that doesn’t understand why your mate has such an angry and resentful attitude when it comes to your parent’s influence in your marriage? If I’m speaking to you right now, please understand why your mate is so upset.

..... he or she believes that your parents are invading private issues that should only be talked about or decided by you and your spouse alone.

Second, your mate views your unwillingness to stop these intrusions into your family as a betrayal. Your mate believes that every time you take your parents’ side or do nothing to stop your parents’ intrusion, you are betraying your vows to honor your mate above all others. Betrayal is one of the deepest offenses that can ever be inflicted upon the heart of your spouse. This betrayal will create tremendous anger and will drive you and your spouse further apart with each infraction.~Dealing With In-Laws
In my opinion.....this may be something good to share with your wife and ask her what she thinks of the article.....if it *does* express how she feels. It may be a good way for the two of you to be able to change the direction your headed.

Last edited by mkgal1; 01-24-2013 at 01:07 PM.
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post #128 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-24-2013, 12:36 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

dear Ms. Blonde.

Lets just agree to disagree.

You think my wife has every reason to keep me in a sexless marriage for the soul reason we had kids together. And that she has every right not to love her husband anymore because you think the bible says it's ok. That's disgusting to me, I'm glad I don't go to your church where there's no hope for happiness among men. I disagree with your view.
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post #129 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-24-2013, 12:36 PM
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

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no man would leave his wife for no reason
Can't people be deceived by their own interpretations of something? Isn't that what "led astray" means?
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post #130 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-24-2013, 12:44 PM
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

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So you're saying women are to have their needs met by their husbands...and husbands are just there for their fathering skills only (aka sperm doners)
Where did I ever say my husband meets my needs? I am his best friend but he is not mine. I have given up any expectations of him being able to meet my emotional needs. I have girlfriends for that.

As for fathering skills, to be brutally honest, the reasons I think it is better for our children for us to be under one roof has nothing to do with "fathering skills". I can protect them better when they are under my roof. I feel they are safer this way than off on "visitation" with a man who is capable of what he has done.

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post #131 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-24-2013, 12:45 PM
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

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You think my wife has every reason to keep me in a sexless marriage for the soul reason we had kids together. And that she has every right not to love her husband anymore because you think the bible says it's ok. That's disgusting to me, I'm glad I don't go to your church where there's no hope for happiness among men. I disagree with your view.
I've been following this thread but this is my first time commenting.

Do you feel your wife is responsible for your happiness? Do you not feel free to seek that for yourself? I ask because in this last comment, it sounds like she's imprisoned you. You're a free man but you don't see yourself that way. Maybe I've misinterpreted you and if so I apologize.
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post #132 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-24-2013, 12:49 PM
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

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dear Ms. Blonde.

Lets just agree to disagree.

You think my wife has every reason to keep me in a sexless marriage for the soul reason we had kids together. And that she has every right not to love her husband anymore because you think the bible says it's ok. That's disgusting to me, I'm glad I don't go to your church where there's no hope for happiness among men. I disagree with your view.
You have put words in my mouth. I think it is noble of your wife to lay down her life for her children.

But I also think a sexless marriage breaks the marriage vows and is grounds for divorce.

So, divorce her.
or, lay down your life for your children (if you think they are better of with both of you under one roof)
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post #133 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-24-2013, 12:52 PM
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

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Originally Posted by Blonde View Post
Where did I ever say my husband meets my needs? I am his best friend but he is not mine. I have given up any expectations of him being able to meet my emotional needs. I have girlfriends for that.

As for fathering skills, to be brutally honest, the reasons I think it is better for our children for us to be under one roof has nothing to do with "fathering skills". I can protect them better when they are under my roof. I feel they are safer this way than off on "visitation" with a man who is capable of what he has done.
uhh. You're depressing me Blonde. At least the thoughts of living in that environment sound grim for both of you. You know the interaction between you and your husband who you definitely have no respect for (maybe with good reason) is teaching your kids how to interact in relationships later on. It's a scary thought that they may repeat what they see in this case. That seems more dangerous than visitation.

I'm as deep as a puddle. Holland.
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post #134 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-24-2013, 12:55 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

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the very first night at a hotel he dived right into internet porn, followed by strip clubs, then an affair. Accompanied by piles and heaps of neglect and abusiveness toward the children and I...
I'm sorry you married an un-normal retarded man. Seriously I do. If I were him I wouldn't even be tempted because I'd be looking forward to comming back home to you and would send you emails, phone calls, texts etc. to reinforce my devotion for you.
There are better men out there. I encourage you to go find one.

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Originally Posted by mkgal1 View Post
In my opinion.....this may be something good to share with your wife and ask her what she thinks of the article.....if it *does* express how she feels. It may be a good way for the two of you to be able to change the direction your headed.
Quote:
Are you struggling right now with one of your in-laws who has been intruding into your marriage? but she's not because there is no intrusion. I talk to my mother maybe 3 times a year tops
Or, have you allowed your own parent to interfere in your relationship with your spouse? No, my mother doesn't touch or know anything about my relationship with my wife. Nor does she ever talk about it.

Are you the spouse that doesn’t understand why your mate has such an angry and resentful attitude when it comes to your parent’s influence in your marriage? again my parents have no influence on my marriage. They don't ask about it, they don't hint or imply anything about my marriage etc. They stay completely out of my marriage.


First, intrusive, pushy, interfering, and opinionated in-laws are upsetting to your spouse because he or she believes that your parents are invading private issues that should only be talked about or decided by you and your spouse alone. Agreed, but luckily my parents aren't like that and don't ever say anything to either of us about our marriage. They both know that's a no-no
Your mate believes that every time you take your parents’ side (I don't take my parents side) you are betraying your vows to honor your mate above all others. never betrayed my vows Betrayal is one of the deepest offenses that can ever be inflicted upon the heart of your spouse. agreed, and I do feel betrayed my my spouse This betrayal will create tremendous anger and will drive you and your spouse further apart with each infraction agreed
yes I quoted scripture back to someone else who used it to reinforce their pro views to my sexless marriage
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post #135 of 288 (permalink) Old 01-24-2013, 01:00 PM
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Re: Wife hates my mom with a passion

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come on now I think most people know what I mean when I say I cleave unto my wife. I think we all know it's not a physical event.
So, how can you have done that "over and over"?

Quote:
yes, I stand by what I said and I'll slightly rephrase it for you "no unretarded man would leave his wife for no reason" and I'm sorry you don't agree.
I don't understand why people feel the need to use the word "retard" in such a manner. Anyway .. yes, men leave for all kinds of reasons, and for no reason at all, other than they want to.
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