Should he stand by me?

beanntony · 05-01-2007, 10:33 AM

If anyone can offer any advice I would greatly appreciate it. I'm 38 and married to a wonderful man 13 years now. This issue I have has come up several times and I need to know if I am out of line in being upset with him. I have an on again/ off again relationship with my mother, who has always had a bad habit of hanging up on me when she gets mad, manipulating me into feeling guilty over situations/messes she creates in her own life and going for months without speaking to me, until she is happy with life again. I have always dealth with it, and always kept going back for more, until a few months ago. She belted me again and I made peace with the fact that I was done with her, for my own peace of mind now. However, my husband has been over to chat with her a handful of times since she staopped speaking to me, she lives next door. He took over some muchrooms he fried- to share, and gave her the rest of the uncooked ones, then she called him on his cell phone to come start her mower, then she called him again on his way home from work to come share the rest of the mushrooms, and then he took her some more on another day. He has let the dogs run to her house and chatted with her while retrieving them. We have been through this type of thing before when my brother got mad at me for confronting his girlfriend over something she stole from me and my brother refused to speak to me for several months, yet my husband carried on his relationship with him as if nothing happened. I know my husband has a loyalty factor because if anyone ever says a negative word about someone in his family, he is the first to defend them, but when it comes to me, seems either I am childish or he could care less that others treat me badly. Am I being a baby, my mother is the type to really eat this up and I'm sure she is now. I guess I just wish he would stand by me and send the message that its NOT okay when someone treats me badly.

Thanks for all of your help and advice
Bean
beanntony@aol.com

angelbaby · 07-03-2007, 04:06 PM

I seem to have the same problem with my mother.she wants me around when she needs me,when it benfits her,she manipulates me,makes crazy demands and alot more,even going as far as screaming at me and putting me down.My husband stands by whatever I decide.at times,I will ignore her phone calls and everything and he stands by me.you should have a talk with him and tell him how you are feeling.he's married to you.I can see he wants to get along with her,but he needs to give you support.

tater03 · 07-03-2007, 04:36 PM

Could it be possible that he thinks that this is going to blow over like the other times you stated it has happened. I would definently sit him down and let him know that this is the last straw. That you are not going to be doing this back and forth with your Mom anymore and you would appreciate him standing behind you in your decision.