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My Pathetic Fxckvjdkding story ugh!

12K views 114 replies 27 participants last post by  all4her 
#1 ·
As many of you know on here, my gf has been hugely irresponsible and kind of a brat...to say the least.

Well turns out shes also been lying to me for 5 years.

When we met she was talking to me on the phone one of the first times and joked about....a devils threeway she'd just had.

and I stopped her and told her right then that to each his own but for my own personal comfort, I couldn't be with someone who had or would do that. just my thing. ok? Fair?

She backtracked a million miles and said no that she didn't, she was just "kidding" and I said why that would be a joke??

Come to find all her friends bought into the devils threeway story and assured me it was real. I asked if she was really kidding?? These two men continued to hang out with her and text her flirty messages.

ugh

so she then tells me one day that the truth is that she got really drunk one night, went to bed, and woke up and they were raping her. I asked why she would ever maintain contact ppl who'd raped her???? She said she didn't want to ruin the friend dynamic.

Naturally I was RIP**** and I stated no more contact. She did but what I didn't know is that she told them an entirely different story---that I was emotionally abusive and jealous and couldn't handle their presence.....

WTF?

So cut to 2 years down the line this story is still coming up, pieces don't add up, I don't feel I am getting the truth. She leaves me, tells me I have a personality disorder and inherent distrust issues, and demands I seek therapy. Meanwhile she goes out with these characters...while we are living together...once even while I was making her latkas (shes jewish)

So I did I paid out of pocket for 3 months therapy.....

in the end it didn't help and I just chose to drop it bc the truth was she was gonna leave if I didn't. In the end I chose to believe her. and tolerate she would want to hang out with two rapists....

UGH


So recently she came into extra $$$ from her wealthy family and I was reading some post on here about a wife who lied to her husband for 15 years or something. and it hit me in the stomach. I couldn't help but feel I WAS being lied to. So I said ok we have this money lets take a poly. You want me to trust you forever? a poly will determine and help us rebuild.

She went A-balls through the roof angry talking about my lack of trust, my 5 years of hounding her, my emotional abuse, how she would fail it.

WHY WOULD U FAIL IT? She said bc ppl fail those things all the time, and I said no that its really accurate and people who say that are the liars trying to get away with it.


So I asked her again the next day. I scheduled an appointment at a poly to make sure she knew I wasn't kidding.

She then admitted, no it wasn't rape. It wasn't even their idea. it was ALL her idea. She wanted it and asked for it and they were even a little awkward at the thought of it but liked her so did it.

MAkes. Me. SICK.

So like a doormat, I took her back.....only to find out 4 days later that there was more she was lying to me about in her past....like how many people, like quadruple the people she told me. I didn't take that as hard bc girls lie bout that stuff anyway but the fact that 4 days I kept hounding her if I knew the whole truth....she kept reassuring me, and then when I said I didn't feel like I knew everything....she tried to make me feel crazy AGAIN.


So cut to, I have a total nervous breakdown. She starts attacking me saying she Had no choice to lie bc of my serious hangups on the issue...

So I reveal to her (what ive kept secret from the world until now I guess) that my first girlfriend seriously raped me and its really wounded me and made me very scared of sex and lies put together.

She promises she wont ever blame me for her decision to lie to me again

We discover shes probably a pathological liar and needs therapy, serious therapy.

We get into another huge fight and she ends it again with, she had no choice but to lie bc of my weird hangups. It crushed me. I left for the night planning on driving to my hometown but came back the next morning...

Meanwhile I learn that she was gloating on facebook that she inherited the apartment and whatnot and befriended ALL those people and began messaging them

I came back and she was telling me how we wouldn't work bc of my hang up and because she wasn't going to give them up as friends.....people she hasn't spoken to in 5 years?? Really??


Her fb was online and I saw the messages, all BS about what an ass I was and how done she was with me.

That night she calls daddy and books a flight back to new York. I should say that the next day was out 5 yr anniversary and despite everything I wanted us to stay together on it and go to vegas and just call everything in the past at 0, just restart.

She didn't go for it, instead she left THATNIGHT on a redeye

Shes been gone for several days and as I speak she is meeting up with one of the "rapists" in DC.

And I spent our anniversary kinda sobbing and cleaning up the trashed out apartment, Again dog feces everywhere. Took hours and I packed my stuff.

I talked to my dad who urged me to keep the apartment that it was mine and he'd help me out financially until then. Something he's never done, I was amazed. We aren't a wealthy family like hers.


So I began to unpack my stuff and pack away HER stuff.

Now shes all pouty about how im much happier without her. I actually am! Its weird and Im lonely but I feel much more like a less damaged person without her.

Today I am going to pawn off the engagement ring.

She wants those friends, she wants to keep lying, she wants to keep blaming me for her choices, she can do it all. Just not with me in the picture anymore.


Im an idiot. 5 years. Lost. BIG SIGH. Let my story be another one of the thousand cautionary tales out here....
 
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#59 ·
Only SPECIFIC book recommendation is "No More Mr. Nice Guy"; don't forget to check your local library as it's FREE!

Also see, what kind of books you can find on SETTING BOUNDARIES (try a search on Amazon, then check at your FREE library).

I see NO REASON for you to be texting or talking to her.

She contacts you by the 3rd, or the cat goes to the pound. (No 'reminding' her about the cat or what day it is...she's a big girl, let HER figure it out.) Delivery the castle WITH the cat (don't ask her...have her REMOVE it); if you're taking the cat to the pound, then take the castle to the dumpster.

If the phone hasn't shown up in your mailbox within a week, then send her ONE short text about the phone. "Am still awaiting MY phone; have you received your new one yet?"

Why are you waiting to get on your Dad's USAA account? You don't need to 'get off hers'; if SHE forgets to take you off of her account, that is HER hard-luck. Guess she ought to stay on top of her paperwork! Get on your dad's account NOW. Waiting for HER to do something is COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE.

Give her ONE WEEK to return the mailkey. If it hasn't been returned, then send her ONE short text about the key. (see example above).

Call up USAA banking YOURSELF and have yourself removed from her accounts. Again, waiting on her...COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE. It's irritating AND you don't know WHEN/IF she'll even do it!

all4her looks out for all4her. Nobody else does it...and he doesn't expect them to.

Look through the self-help section of your local library, or ask some of the older, more-established male posters for book title recommendations.

You're doing GREAT, all4her. I am really happy you're making good progress. We can see it, even if you can't!
 
#62 ·
Dude get that car insurance done NOW. In most states you are looking at a $1000 fine and losing your freaking drivers license for a YEAR!!!!!!!

BTW Esurance (Allstate online) beats that the general unless your driving record sucks. I don't have a stake in either company but it is something that can be done immediately.
 
#64 ·
Im feeling okay, feeling better physically for sure. My job is very understanding and been very supportive.

Still waiting on the books about boundaries to come in, Ordered the nice guy one, the disease to please, youre too nice for your own good, and getting past your breakup.

Thinking of joining an intramural league, maybe baseball, or some other hobby. Hoping the desire to paint will come back, today I found some inspiration which is a good sign.

I am basically trying not to let anger override me, its a poison and sometimes I slip into it.

Beautiful day in La don't plan to spend it indoors :)

I left my business card with a bank specialist ive been seeing a lot bc of all the bank changes, that was fun. DONT WORRY do not plan on getting into another relationship. Just baby steps to learning how to flirt/date again and have fun. Though we do know this girl has a job, and when I made a self deprecating joke about my license photo instead of laughing and bashing me along like my ex always did she said "oh my gosh don't talk about yourself like that!!" haha, anyway baby steps
 
#66 ·
He has nothing to lose. That puts him in a powerful position.
 
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#67 ·
I had five years with a sweet farm girl wh&re too! Be very happy that you did not waste one more minute with her. Be VERY happy that you did not marry her. In fact NEVER MARRY, EVER! Just a waste of money.
OK, Now, work on yourself. Kick Boxing,Running, Weightlifting, change your diet, Raw Food if you can. Start a new social training. Ballroom dancing or Country Western dancing. After three months of this, write back to us and tell us how you are doing. David
 
#69 ·
Funny you mentioned kick boxing, I did some last night. Celebrated the Friday night with a bottle of my favorite wine, went out for a little while. Immediately met a blonde uk girl, but wasn't feeling up to anything so I went home---like left mid-drink and mid-conversation. In the end all I wanted was to just hang out with my dogs. Fun to be out, but also kinda depressing.

I didn't expect to be back in that world after 5 years of commitment, the change has been so drastic its hard to stomach sometimes.

But all in all, I think im doing alright. Cleaned the apt, **** and span, paid bills, walked dogs, keeping busy.
 
#71 ·
Thanks guys, good news is I painted yesterday,3 new pieces! Im headed now to venice beach to show them, whats the worst that can happen? Spend the day at the beach and no less broke than before? haha.

Its true, ive lost so much its become a powerful position. Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose. Went hiking this morning. Its been an emotional rollercoaster but my main goal is just to get back to my old self and keep busy and positive. Take it 1 day at a time.
 
#75 ·
TY!! I went with what I could literally carry on my back--table and all-- since ex took our rolling cart even though I loaded the car for her and packed her stuff. This happened of course when I let her inside to take some of "our" food. and am still watching the cat. So she's keeping it super classy.

Ran into her yesterday and all her stuff is jam packed in her car still, she looks like a hobo, its really sad and pathetic. I hope to god (and who knows if she will) she can see for the first time in her life that the mess is her. there's no one left to blame. Hope the bed she made is nice...looks like its full of maggots from this view.
 
#77 ·
Great news on the art show! Please post some pix here on this thread (via 'Go Advanced' button and 'manage attachment' buttons) of some of the pieces for your show!

You are doing wonderfully!

Still think the cat should be in a shelter and the cat castle in the dumpster...more room & more time for ART!!!!!
 
#83 ·
Hi thanks guys for the kind words... all ties are cut, cat was picked up today. I got my books in but its been hard to read them, they keep making me feel worse about the breakup for some reason. Mostly its been work, hiking with the dogs, and sleep. Needing a ton of sleep lately. Trying to stay *positive*
 

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#93 · (Edited)
Hi thanks guys for the kind words... all ties are cut, cat was picked up today. I got my books in but its been hard to read them, they keep making me feel worse about the breakup for some reason. Mostly its been work, hiking with the dogs, and sleep. Needing a ton of sleep lately. Trying to stay *positive*
Looking at things that you didnt want to look at before will make you feel bad because you are facing things you previously didnt want to face. It is a good thing even though it feels bad at the moment and probably will feel bad until you work through it. Its a process. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
 
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