As many of you know on here, my gf has been hugely irresponsible and kind of a brat...to say the least.
Well turns out shes also been lying to me for 5 years.
When we met she was talking to me on the phone one of the first times and joked about....a devils threeway she'd just had.
and I stopped her and told her right then that to each his own but for my own personal comfort, I couldn't be with someone who had or would do that. just my thing. ok? Fair?
She backtracked a million miles and said no that she didn't, she was just "kidding" and I said why that would be a joke??
Come to find all her friends bought into the devils threeway story and assured me it was real. I asked if she was really kidding?? These two men continued to hang out with her and text her flirty messages.
ugh
so she then tells me one day that the truth is that she got really drunk one night, went to bed, and woke up and they were raping her. I asked why she would ever maintain contact ppl who'd raped her???? She said she didn't want to ruin the friend dynamic.
Naturally I was RIP**** and I stated no more contact. She did but what I didn't know is that she told them an entirely different story---that I was emotionally abusive and jealous and couldn't handle their presence.....
WTF?
So cut to 2 years down the line this story is still coming up, pieces don't add up, I don't feel I am getting the truth. She leaves me, tells me I have a personality disorder and inherent distrust issues, and demands I seek therapy. Meanwhile she goes out with these characters...while we are living together...once even while I was making her latkas (shes jewish)
So I did I paid out of pocket for 3 months therapy.....
in the end it didn't help and I just chose to drop it bc the truth was she was gonna leave if I didn't. In the end I chose to believe her. and tolerate she would want to hang out with two rapists....
UGH
So recently she came into extra $$$ from her wealthy family and I was reading some post on here about a wife who lied to her husband for 15 years or something. and it hit me in the stomach. I couldn't help but feel I WAS being lied to. So I said ok we have this money lets take a poly. You want me to trust you forever? a poly will determine and help us rebuild.
She went A-balls through the roof angry talking about my lack of trust, my 5 years of hounding her, my emotional abuse, how she would fail it.
WHY WOULD U FAIL IT? She said bc ppl fail those things all the time, and I said no that its really accurate and people who say that are the liars trying to get away with it.
So I asked her again the next day. I scheduled an appointment at a poly to make sure she knew I wasn't kidding.
She then admitted, no it wasn't rape. It wasn't even their idea. it was ALL her idea. She wanted it and asked for it and they were even a little awkward at the thought of it but liked her so did it.
MAkes. Me. SICK.
So like a doormat, I took her back.....only to find out 4 days later that there was more she was lying to me about in her past....like how many people, like quadruple the people she told me. I didn't take that as hard bc girls lie bout that stuff anyway but the fact that 4 days I kept hounding her if I knew the whole truth....she kept reassuring me, and then when I said I didn't feel like I knew everything....she tried to make me feel crazy AGAIN.
So cut to, I have a total nervous breakdown. She starts attacking me saying she Had no choice to lie bc of my serious hangups on the issue...
So I reveal to her (what ive kept secret from the world until now I guess) that my first girlfriend seriously raped me and its really wounded me and made me very scared of sex and lies put together.
She promises she wont ever blame me for her decision to lie to me again
We discover shes probably a pathological liar and needs therapy, serious therapy.
We get into another huge fight and she ends it again with, she had no choice but to lie bc of my weird hangups. It crushed me. I left for the night planning on driving to my hometown but came back the next morning...
Meanwhile I learn that she was gloating on facebook that she inherited the apartment and whatnot and befriended ALL those people and began messaging them
I came back and she was telling me how we wouldn't work bc of my hang up and because she wasn't going to give them up as friends.....people she hasn't spoken to in 5 years?? Really??
Her fb was online and I saw the messages, all BS about what an ass I was and how done she was with me.
That night she calls daddy and books a flight back to new York. I should say that the next day was out 5 yr anniversary and despite everything I wanted us to stay together on it and go to vegas and just call everything in the past at 0, just restart.
She didn't go for it, instead she left THATNIGHT on a redeye
Shes been gone for several days and as I speak she is meeting up with one of the "rapists" in DC.
And I spent our anniversary kinda sobbing and cleaning up the trashed out apartment, Again dog feces everywhere. Took hours and I packed my stuff.
I talked to my dad who urged me to keep the apartment that it was mine and he'd help me out financially until then. Something he's never done, I was amazed. We aren't a wealthy family like hers.
So I began to unpack my stuff and pack away HER stuff.
Now shes all pouty about how im much happier without her. I actually am! Its weird and Im lonely but I feel much more like a less damaged person without her.
Today I am going to pawn off the engagement ring.
She wants those friends, she wants to keep lying, she wants to keep blaming me for her choices, she can do it all. Just not with me in the picture anymore.
Im an idiot. 5 years. Lost. BIG SIGH. Let my story be another one of the thousand cautionary tales out here....
Well turns out shes also been lying to me for 5 years.
When we met she was talking to me on the phone one of the first times and joked about....a devils threeway she'd just had.
and I stopped her and told her right then that to each his own but for my own personal comfort, I couldn't be with someone who had or would do that. just my thing. ok? Fair?
She backtracked a million miles and said no that she didn't, she was just "kidding" and I said why that would be a joke??
Come to find all her friends bought into the devils threeway story and assured me it was real. I asked if she was really kidding?? These two men continued to hang out with her and text her flirty messages.
ugh
so she then tells me one day that the truth is that she got really drunk one night, went to bed, and woke up and they were raping her. I asked why she would ever maintain contact ppl who'd raped her???? She said she didn't want to ruin the friend dynamic.
Naturally I was RIP**** and I stated no more contact. She did but what I didn't know is that she told them an entirely different story---that I was emotionally abusive and jealous and couldn't handle their presence.....
WTF?
So cut to 2 years down the line this story is still coming up, pieces don't add up, I don't feel I am getting the truth. She leaves me, tells me I have a personality disorder and inherent distrust issues, and demands I seek therapy. Meanwhile she goes out with these characters...while we are living together...once even while I was making her latkas (shes jewish)
So I did I paid out of pocket for 3 months therapy.....
in the end it didn't help and I just chose to drop it bc the truth was she was gonna leave if I didn't. In the end I chose to believe her. and tolerate she would want to hang out with two rapists....
UGH
So recently she came into extra $$$ from her wealthy family and I was reading some post on here about a wife who lied to her husband for 15 years or something. and it hit me in the stomach. I couldn't help but feel I WAS being lied to. So I said ok we have this money lets take a poly. You want me to trust you forever? a poly will determine and help us rebuild.
She went A-balls through the roof angry talking about my lack of trust, my 5 years of hounding her, my emotional abuse, how she would fail it.
WHY WOULD U FAIL IT? She said bc ppl fail those things all the time, and I said no that its really accurate and people who say that are the liars trying to get away with it.
So I asked her again the next day. I scheduled an appointment at a poly to make sure she knew I wasn't kidding.
She then admitted, no it wasn't rape. It wasn't even their idea. it was ALL her idea. She wanted it and asked for it and they were even a little awkward at the thought of it but liked her so did it.
MAkes. Me. SICK.
So like a doormat, I took her back.....only to find out 4 days later that there was more she was lying to me about in her past....like how many people, like quadruple the people she told me. I didn't take that as hard bc girls lie bout that stuff anyway but the fact that 4 days I kept hounding her if I knew the whole truth....she kept reassuring me, and then when I said I didn't feel like I knew everything....she tried to make me feel crazy AGAIN.
So cut to, I have a total nervous breakdown. She starts attacking me saying she Had no choice to lie bc of my serious hangups on the issue...
So I reveal to her (what ive kept secret from the world until now I guess) that my first girlfriend seriously raped me and its really wounded me and made me very scared of sex and lies put together.
She promises she wont ever blame me for her decision to lie to me again
We discover shes probably a pathological liar and needs therapy, serious therapy.
We get into another huge fight and she ends it again with, she had no choice but to lie bc of my weird hangups. It crushed me. I left for the night planning on driving to my hometown but came back the next morning...
Meanwhile I learn that she was gloating on facebook that she inherited the apartment and whatnot and befriended ALL those people and began messaging them
I came back and she was telling me how we wouldn't work bc of my hang up and because she wasn't going to give them up as friends.....people she hasn't spoken to in 5 years?? Really??
Her fb was online and I saw the messages, all BS about what an ass I was and how done she was with me.
That night she calls daddy and books a flight back to new York. I should say that the next day was out 5 yr anniversary and despite everything I wanted us to stay together on it and go to vegas and just call everything in the past at 0, just restart.
She didn't go for it, instead she left THATNIGHT on a redeye
Shes been gone for several days and as I speak she is meeting up with one of the "rapists" in DC.
And I spent our anniversary kinda sobbing and cleaning up the trashed out apartment, Again dog feces everywhere. Took hours and I packed my stuff.
I talked to my dad who urged me to keep the apartment that it was mine and he'd help me out financially until then. Something he's never done, I was amazed. We aren't a wealthy family like hers.
So I began to unpack my stuff and pack away HER stuff.
Now shes all pouty about how im much happier without her. I actually am! Its weird and Im lonely but I feel much more like a less damaged person without her.
Today I am going to pawn off the engagement ring.
She wants those friends, she wants to keep lying, she wants to keep blaming me for her choices, she can do it all. Just not with me in the picture anymore.
Im an idiot. 5 years. Lost. BIG SIGH. Let my story be another one of the thousand cautionary tales out here....