Thinking of leaving wife - Letter to wife
Please help me.
Our marriage has reached a crossroads and I do not know what to do.
Would you please read this letter and express your thoughts to me in the hopes that I might gain some insight.
I would never give my wife this letter, but thought if I took the time to write out my feelings this way that I would be better able to express myself.
Thank you for you help.
I hope this letter serves to better explain my actions and behaviors towards you better than I have done recently.
Do I love you? I do not know. I know that you have many traits that I not only admire, but feel my wife must possess. You also deal with me and my emotional side better than most could I believe. You are strong and very understanding. I know how important it is to you that our marriage work out and I believe you would do everything to make work.
I am sorry that I havenít shown the same commitment.
I feel for all practical purposes, you are understanding and allow me the freedom to do so as I please. I can go out with friends; I have traveled without you and so on. You are very close to my family and this is clearly important.
I do however, feel a lack of passion or desire to spend alone time with you. I do not feel like we have much to talk about, nor do we necessarily share the same interests. There are certain limitations we each have to one anotherís lives.
I genuinely feel comfortable with you and around you. I know I that I can be a difficult person to be with as I am sometimes selfish and hard on you.
My desire for adventure and fulfillment has lately been overwhelming. I do not feel like we are situated to do different things in life that are important to me. Additionally, I am concerned that what you want from life is a constant, reliable routine. Even though I have been quiet and quite agreeable to this lifestyle over the past three years, the thought of going through my life like this is crushing. I need satisfaction.
I know that having a child will officially put an end to these childhood dreams. At my present time, I can not deal with this reality.
Aside from all this, when I ask myself if I do love you, I never feel much emotion, but rather almost a complete lack of. I know that I truly care for you. It breaks my heart when you are sad. I donít know if this is because I love you, or rather that I feel guilty about hurting you. In fact, the thought of what you would feel if I were to explain this to you is almost enough for me to entirely dismiss the idea. But deep down, there is something that is lacking and always has. I know that if I were to dismiss the notion of leaving you and committed myself to staying with you that I would grow to appreciate and depend on you as an old life partner, but I donít know if this is what a marriage should be.
Just because two people remain committed to one another over the years, yet one person is so obviously unsatisfied, does that make this a successful marriage?
On one hand the idea of freeing myself from this old, crippling thought is delightful, yet on the other I fear that I would regret losing you as my partner.
I do not know what to do.