Ton of medical issues. - Talk About Marriage
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View Poll Results: Does your spose hove a medical issue?
No issues. 1 8.33%
No major issues. 2 16.67%
Some issues. 3 25.00%
Noticable impact on our relationship issues. 3 25.00%
A lot of issues. 3 25.00%
Greatly effected our relationship. 0 0%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 12. You may not vote on this poll

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post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-29-2013, 04:07 AM Thread Starter
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Post Ton of medical issues.

Hello. I have some concerns about dating and relationships because of my extensive list of medical issues. I am starting from the beginning so this might be a bit of a overwhelming story.

Two months after I was born I got sent to the hospital for a case of pneumonia. It was revealed then that I had contracted HIV from my mother (she dies when I am 3), who shared a needle, and that the doctors neglected to tell her I was exposed. During my 8 month stay at the hospital my medical care was sloppy, at best.

Close to the beginning of my visit a doctor did not use a properly sterilized IV needle, which is ironic, this caused an inline infection on my legs and stunted their growth at different rates. I am about 5'11 but should be about two inches taller.

While I was still battling pneumonia I had to be put in a infant incubator because my system got so weak to was considered, back then anyway, to have full blown AIDs. I lost count of how many scars' I had from tubes manually doing everything for me.

As I got worse my fever kept going higher. I peaked out at 106 degrees and stroked. The stroke paralyzed my right arm and legs, which I can move fine now thanks to a 1/5 of my life of rehab, and caused Cerebral Palsy. Still not sure if I was lucky to get the mixed variant. My muscles lock up sometimes other times I am to tired to move them and sometimes I just drop to the ground because I 'forgot' how to move them or they go spastic. Though I am not sure if being tired is partly thanks to my HIV medicine.

While the doctors where battling the fever they went over the dosage rates. This completely killed the main nerve in my right ear. Making me partially deaf.

Now a days I look like a normal kid unless you take off my shirt. The limp is mostly corrected my a 1 inch lift.


Now here is the issue with relationships for me. I simply have not had any. And am not sure how to have any considering all these issues and paranoia I have. I read a story on here about a guy who had Cerebral Palsy and he couldn't preform and his wife cheated on him. And I have HIV which people with HIV are apparently not known to be intimate. Plus I can't do things that are considered 'fun' like drinking, drugs, making out, etc which lucky for me that all anyone does around here.

I have been through so much and statistically only 1/3-1/4 the way through my life, I am 20. I simply do not have the time or energy, thank you Cerebral Palsy, HIV, and HIV Medicine, and to depressed already to deal with cheaters, insecurities, or having a girlfriend/wife that is physically unappeased but won't say anything.

Anything I should do or try to make it easier for any future girlfriend/wife? What are you stories of your spouse with Medical issues? Any general advise?

Thank you for reading!


Last edited by Buckeye; 01-29-2013 at 04:13 AM.
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post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-29-2013, 04:45 AM
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Re: Ton of medical issues.

I advise you to be up front and honest from the get go. You may get alot of snub nosed women but you will find one who will see past all your issues and care about you for the wonderful person you are. Your a strong man. Never forget that. You have been through so much and are still alive and kicking. Please stick around and even join social if you want.
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post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-29-2013, 05:01 AM
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Re: Ton of medical issues.

I will share this. My spouse had once had to be rushed into immediate surgery to have his appendix removed before it ruptured. He has a few mental conditions such as ADD and ADHD. He had been in many fights in the past and has a few bones that didnt heal properly. There are a few other things but this is all I am comfortable sharing about him.
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post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-29-2013, 05:25 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Ton of medical issues.

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Originally Posted by Gaia View Post
I advise you to be up front and honest from the get go.
Figured I should. And thanks for telling me about your spouse. Figuring out how I should do it though. It would be awkward saying, "Hello <date>, I have HIV." I forgot to mention a many people have also asked if I have ever been tested or diagnosed with Aspergers. Which doesn't help my case any.
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post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-29-2013, 05:36 AM
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Re: Ton of medical issues.

Hey people with aspergers are known to be highly intelligent so you could take that as a compliment. As far as your dates go... How do you normally go about getting them? And frankly I should rephrase myself. If your just dating then imo telling them about your medical issues isnt that important unless your planning on having sex. Then you should let them know beforehand. If you have been dating someone for awhile and plan on becomming serious then be upfront and honest.
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Last edited by Gaia; 01-29-2013 at 05:57 AM.
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post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-29-2013, 10:01 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Ton of medical issues.

I've actually never been on a date. I have a hard time finding things that I can do in this town (I live in a hilly, brewery, and drug centered town) let alone have fun with someone else my age.
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post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-29-2013, 10:07 AM
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Re: Ton of medical issues.

I dated someone who had a lot of health issues and it didn't bother me. They didn't make him sedentary and were 'invisible' to most people besides an intimate partner.

That being said, HIV is a huge deal. I'm sorry your mother saddled you with that. I think that is your biggest roadblock to a relationship. The rest isn't a big deal.

I would suggest you do some research to find support groups - whether for HIV or CP. See what others do. Find causes you are supportive of an volunteer. You have a lot of empathy to offer others who are struggling. I think getting socially involved is the best way to put yourself out there to meet people.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/family-...-my-story.html

“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer." - Albert Camus
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post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-29-2013, 10:19 AM
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Re: Ton of medical issues.

Hi Buck as a young man I feel that alot of your cares and concerns are normal growing up things, I would continue to work on yourself and go to college. I would also just be yourself when in situations with the opposite sex you will know when the time is right to reveal what you need too. Just be honest, open, and communicate God has someone made especially for you believe that and remember everyone has their own cross to carry

Take care
Good Luck
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post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-29-2013, 12:50 PM
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Re: Ton of medical issues.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Buckeye View Post
Anything I should do or try to make it easier for any future girlfriend/wife? What are you stories of your spouse with Medical issues? Any general advise?

Thank you for reading!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gaia View Post
I advise you to be up front and honest from the get go. You may get alot of snub nosed women but you will find one who will see past all your issues and care about you for the wonderful person you are. Your a strong man. Never forget that. You have been through so much and are still alive and kicking. Please stick around and even join social if you want.
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Be upfront and honest, so you don't waste your time with a woman who can't handle it.

I also want to say that my husband does not have any medical issues, so I didn't vote on the poll, but I do have a few medical issues myself. It's not something you say on the first date, but I'd mention it within the first 4 dates to see if they can handle it.

Some background info. on myself: I was born with a lymphatic malformation and have been through more surgeries than I can remember(lost count), with my latest surgery being 3 years ago. I very well may need more surgeries in the future depending on how my body reacts to infections and what not, that can cause swelling and growth. I also have a few other issues as well, but won't go into detail. I am somewhat of a medical disaster, as I like to jokingly say about myself.

I will be honest and say that there have been guys who dumped me as soon as they found out I had medical issues, but it was their loss, not mine. I am glad that they left as it's better to have someone who is strong enough to stand by your side through everything, than someone who is afraid to be there.

I told my husband on our third date about my medical issues. He didn't know much about what my medical issues were, so we talked about it and I told him what I knew about it in a simplistic way. It never bothered him and he said he wanted to continue dating me. On the next date, I borrowed his phone to look something up and noticed he had looked up more info on my medical issues. I was overwhelmed by emotions that he cared enough to do that. My husband is amazing and I do believe there is someone out there for everyone.

Just do things you enjoy in coed groups, not looking specifically for a date, but if someone catches your interest then you can make a move. You can do volunteer work or take a few classes in something that interest you. Do things you enjoy and you can meet others who share that same interest. I met my husband in college as we both were in the same social club.
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post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-29-2013, 11:25 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ton of medical issues.

How would I go about explaining Medication? I take about 10 pills a day. Most of them at night just after dinner time.

I think I found a HIV support group. Can't find any CP groups.

Anybody knows of any hobbies I could start where I could meet people?

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post #11 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-30-2013, 12:34 AM
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Re: Ton of medical issues.

lots of people nowdays take medication. Anxiety and depression are the most common reasons that I can think of. I wouldnt think you would have to explain anything on a first time date. Just relax and have fun.
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post #12 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-30-2013, 12:37 AM
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Re: Ton of medical issues.

It depends on what kind of people you want to meet. A few places I can think of to volunteer at are animal shelters and soup kitchens.
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post #13 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-30-2013, 12:54 AM
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Re: Ton of medical issues.

I married my H who had several medical problems, including a very rare autoimmune disorder. It would debilitate him about 10 weeks out of the year... ie he can't get out of bed for days at a time.

We're separated now but for reasons totally irrelevant to his medical issues. If things didn't go sour, I would have continued to be patient with his illnesses which did interfere with our intimacy.
I would only be kidding myself if I said that it didn't affect our relationship whatsoever and didn't require patience on my part.
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post #14 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-30-2013, 09:51 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Ton of medical issues.

Let me expand on the medication. I take one set at night, then exactly one hour later I have to take a second set.

Just having the feeling that it makes me look like a junkie, which actually wouldn't be surprising in this town.

I was thinking maybe a gym. That way I can finish correcting my CP.
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post #15 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-30-2013, 03:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ton of medical issues.

I still don't have enough leg movement to ride a bike for extended periods (legs lock up). I also still have a hard time finding energy between the CP, Meds, and HIV.
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