I Don't Know What to Do
Like the name of the book, my marriage is “Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay.” We’ve been married for 18 years and have 6 children ranging in age from 16 to 6. He’s a really good man, just a terrible husband. He won’t go to a doctor or dentist without me being there, but I booked myself in for an operation, was put under, went through recovery and booked myself out on my own while he waited in the car. It hurt that he wasn’t there for me. He goes to work and earns a living and that’s where it ends. I go to work, do the shopping, arrange kids school stuff, Christmas, Birthday etc presents, everything. He does nothing to help me. At Christmas time I sat for countless hours wrapping and when I asked him to help me he said he was tired and promptly went to sleep each time. I have told him on countless occasions that I’m tired, emotionally, and need support. His answer is that there’s nothing he can do, he’s stuck on the farm. I crave time with him, nothing major, just time to sit and chat, yet whenever we are alone for a drive etc, all he talks is about the farm, how his boss annoys him etc. We’re intimate only when it suits him, always have been. He used to always tell me he was tired or not feeling up to it if I tried to initiate, I eventually gave up trying. He’s told me on two occasions over the years that he’s put off intimacy because of my weight, yet apologises afterwards and says he doesn’t mean it. I am overweight, but by no means fat. In fact, I weigh less now than when we were married. He was the one person I always thought would except me how I was, but it seems not. I’ve never said anything about how his body has changed with age, it doesn’t matter to me. He never sees how unhappy I am, and if he does he says and does nothing. When I do eventually get to where I can’t handle it anymore he apologises and promises me things will be different, they never are for longer than a week though. He tells me he loves me a hundred times a day and begs me not to leave him. I love him, which is why I’m still around, but I am so unhappy. I’m so lonely and don’t like the constant feelings of bitterness that I’m feeling. I just can’t take the final step and apply for a divorce. Compared to other people’s problems mine seem so minor. Am I overreacting? We have tried counselling and it helped for about a month, then things just went back to normal.