what is he waiting for?

wonder · 07-15-2009, 08:59 AM

seriously, when is he going to file? i asked him this and all he said was his head was messed up. i'm not filing coz i'm not going to file for something i don't want and waste money i don't have. i don't think he's waiting because of money, the lawyer i talked to said in his vast experience w/ divorces, money to pay for the divorce was never an issue. if someone wanted a divorce, they'd do it. the sad thing is not 1 person understands his reasoning for how he's acting lately.
i just want opinions on what might be going on in his mind about why he's not doing anything

1nurse · 07-15-2009, 09:07 AM

Maybe the finality of divorce is hitting him now. I know people who have been separated for years, settled things but are still not divorced. The legal date of my soon to be ex husband's and my separation is Nov 1/08. If I don't get divorce papers mid November I will file myself. I want the divorce now although last year I was upset when he left. I personally don't believe in dragging things out. Good Luck.

dcrim · 07-15-2009, 02:12 PM

It may not be the money (for the divorce), it could be the money (for support)!

Corpuswife · 07-15-2009, 03:44 PM

Was the divorce a mutual agreement?

Perhaps second thoughts?

preso · 07-15-2009, 04:04 PM

In the end it boils down that someone is going to have to have a severe change in lifestyle. Could be he is trying to figure out how to not move out and go into instant poverty.
That his head is messed up sounds to me, like an excuse to buy time.

wonder · 07-15-2009, 07:54 PM

i don't know. this is not a mutual decision, it's his. he knows i still love him. he's all moved out and has been settled in his new place, so the novelty of a change of lifestyle is starting to die down (he told me he's bored) . as for support, he already gives me more money than the courts would order so i don't think that's it. like i said, i doubt this has anything to do w/ money.

Corpuswife · 07-15-2009, 08:10 PM

Sounds like he's figuring the "grass isn't green?"

If it's not money. If he's already moved out, then what else could it be? I think he's changing his mind (a hunch).

How long has he been out of the house?

recent_cloud · 07-15-2009, 08:45 PM

it may be that he enjoys his new life with the safety net of going back to you.

why not force his hand and file. however he reacts will be good for you.

it really is time for you to move on.

if nothing else to moving on will bring clarity to your situation.

provided of course that's what you want.

and i don't simply mean clarity about what your sort-of ex might do.

i mean clarity about exactly where you are and why because of the decisions you have made.

preso · 07-16-2009, 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by recent_cloud

it may be that he enjoys his new life with the safety net of going back to you.

.

sounds reasonable

wonder · 07-16-2009, 08:53 PM

maybe, but then where does that leave me. either decision i make, i'm screwed. if i wait it out for him to come back, i'm miserable and going insane. if i file and the divorce goes through, i lose my health insurance that i desperately need. a private policy's too expensive. my jobs' insurance plan sucks. state assistance is a joke for people w/ my condition.

preso · 07-17-2009, 09:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wonder

maybe, but then where does that leave me. either decision i make, i'm screwed. if i wait it out for him to come back, i'm miserable and going insane. if i file and the divorce goes through, i lose my health insurance that i desperately need. a private policy's too expensive. my jobs' insurance plan sucks. state assistance is a joke for people w/ my condition.

I think it would be better to start making alternate plans now
rather than being suddenly dumped.
I would not stay married just for health insurance. More so because its not yours and if you divorce it will suddenly end. At least now you have the time to make alternate plans, get on your works insurance, find a new job with better insurance or even begin the paerwork for state assistance.

I do not believe he will be required to insure you after the divorce... I have never heard of any man being required to cover his ex wife on his insurance...

am I wrong?

wonder · 07-17-2009, 01:39 PM

he looked into it. the insurance company said he would need a court order to keep me on the insurance

wonder · 07-17-2009, 02:34 PM

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! that f*cker just told me he's going to give me $300 less a month. Well there goes all the tips i make a month, those are going to have to compinsate for the loss. then he had the nerve to ask why i haven't moved to a cheaper house yet. HELLO!!!!!!!! i have no savings and now i'm really screwed. i can't get a better job coz my job is already 1 of the better paying salons, and i can't work extra hours or get a second job coz that money will just go to daycare for my daughter. F*CK!!!!!!!

Corpuswife · 07-17-2009, 05:02 PM

I have heard many people get a court order (via divorce) to maintain their health insurance. It's not that rare.

Perhaps meeting with an attorney and knowing your rights would be a good idea, if you haven't already? Usually, the first consultation is free.

Ask him, to help you move into a cheaper place (financially). He will figure, it will help him (less$$$) but it really will help you in the long run....if a divorce occurs.

You mentioned a salon....could that possible be a side job, that you could do in your own home?

preso · 07-17-2009, 06:06 PM

I thought you said none of this was about money?
Seems its ALL about money !!!!! ( lack of it)

Quote:

Originally Posted by wonder

like i said, i doubt this has anything to do w/ money.