jasmin

I'm from india, now living in qatar with my family. I come from a middle class family, my father died very early. Now iam working in qatar. my wife and daughter also here.

I am worried about my future esp. due to my wife. she don't have any ambition. I tried to pursue her to work. but she don't want to go for work. Even no initiative for good house. If any house hold item breaks or damages, she will adjust or use same one.

For my daughter I thought I have to change my surrounding or get another child for her company, these all I think she don't have any such wish. Now I try for promotion, and waiting to write a test, but that's all she don't talk with me.

But she look after daughter very well, cooks and look after all house woks very well. but in other ways, learning, working, reading, going out, partying, investments, money managing etc. no care.

Sometimes, I get angry due to these things. my mind sometimes goes wild because of careless on these things. I told her many times to care these.
pls advice

emate1209

Hi Jasmin,

One of the toughest things about relationships is that you either accept what you've got or try and change what you've got. But the problem is you are dealing with humans and to try and change someone is asking for trouble.

What you have to realize is that your interests and hers may not be the same and hence it's a matter of compromise and to learn to enjoy what she enjoys rather than asking her to enjoy what you like.

Humans like incentives, however, and you probably should consider offering her something in return for doing something you like and vice versa.

For example you do something that she enjoys one weekend and then ask her to do something you enjoy and see what reward you can both come up with for each other. Maybe a small gift, dinner or something to show your appreciation that either made an effort to enjoy what the other likes.

I think Dave Meurer, author, “Daze of Our Wives: A Semi-Helpful Guide to Marital Bliss' best sums it up as follows . . .

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences”.

Consider this statement and hopefully you can start to enjoy her interests.

Cheers

__________________
Marriage Advice | Relationship Tips

draconis

Ambition is what people want. Your wife might want to be a good wife and a good mother. Maybe those things fulfill her. I think you need to talk to your wife and listen to what she says. It almost seems like you don't know or understand her. My wife and I rarely ever argue, but we almost called it quits because of an ambition she had that I never knew about. We where ablr to resolve things because we communicate so well and worked together to do what needed to be done for both of us.

draconis

jasmin

thanks a lot.

In the beginning we had some arguments over the things
that she don't want. after that I stopped to force. She
like to stay in home and no other ambition. But I can
see some changes whe I stopped forcing her for her
job and going out etc. but change is very very slow.

My innermind wish for fast changes in her attitude. I am
not expressing it

thanks for suggestions