Manly Man vs. Sensitive Man
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Old 07-15-2009, 10:21 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Manly Man vs. Sensitive Man

My wife and I started talking about his out of nowhere last night, and I thought it would be a good discussion for the forum.

Women like guys that are sensitive, loving, caring, affectionate listen to them, help them around the house...

BUT... many women will also say they still want a man to be a man. The don't want them to be too pushy about feelings, or too sensitive, etc. etc. etc.

It's a tough balance for many men to try to maintain. Where are the lines and what types of things to women like and dislike. Maybe use examples from your relationships or past relationships.

Just want to see where this goes.
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Old 07-15-2009, 10:25 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Manly Man vs. Sensitive Man

Ha Ha i dont think you will find a anwser !! for me it depends on the time of month hormone levels and how my days gone Its good to feel protected yet its still good to have someone help and lisen !!! lol mmmm ill have half of each lol
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Old 07-15-2009, 11:10 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Manly Man vs. Sensitive Man

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Originally Posted by humpty dumpty View Post
Ha Ha i dont think you will find a anwser !! for me it depends on the time of month hormone levels and how my days gone Its good to feel protected yet its still good to have someone help and lisen !!! lol mmmm ill have half of each lol
And that right there is why it can be so confusing for us men!!!

You don't even know for sure what you want, and it depends on what time of the month it is?

I'm just curious if there are certain things that you or your SO really likes or dislikes on either the manly or the sensitive side.

Like with my wife. She loves that I cook and do the dishes, but she also loves that I always drive when we go anywhere and that I always get out of bed to check on the "bumps" in the night.

And she likes that I tell her things like "You are the best thing that's happened to me", but at the same time, she likes when I say more crude things like "Damn her ass looks good in that skirt".

But if get too weak sounding or say too much, it can be kind of a turn-off to her.
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Old 07-15-2009, 11:15 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Manly Man vs. Sensitive Man

Being sensitive, I felt compelled to reply. Why can't a man be loving, caring, and still be considered "manly." My husband is very unemotional. He mows the lawn. He can bench press his weight and can beat up an attacker if we happen to get mugged. But how useful is that on a daily basis? I rather have a kind husband that is capable of listening and understanding me as a person. Those traits should not be considered unmanly.
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Old 07-15-2009, 11:18 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Manly Man vs. Sensitive Man

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Being sensitive, I felt compelled to reply. Why can't a man be loving, caring, and still be considered "manly." My husband is very unemotional. He mows the lawn. He can bench press his weight and can beat up an attacker if we get happen to get mugged. But how useful is that on a daily basis? I rather have a kind husabnd that is capable of listening and understanding me as a person. Those traits should not be considered unmanly.
I was more meaning the stereotype of "Manly Man".


But that is exactly what I'm getting at. Most all woman want those traits that you described in a man. But a lot of woman still find SOME of the stereotypical "Manly Man" traits very attractive. And that's where it becomes hard for us guys sometimes, to be both at the same time, and figuring out to what degree on each side.
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Old 07-15-2009, 11:29 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Manly Man vs. Sensitive Man

well just being held hugged and a few kisses on the neck go along way !! i love it when my husband buys me flowers for no reason and when he just says sit down ill do dinner

Yet its a big turn on for me when he acts protective and sends crude text messages ...

confusing for men yes lol but doesnt that make it more of a challenge ha ha
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Old 07-15-2009, 11:44 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Manly Man vs. Sensitive Man

Hmmm...

I want a manly man who will look up the bumps in the night, fight off attackers, protect the kids, kill and skin a bear if that is what's required. I like him to tell me I look sexy and cute and desirable.

But when we are alone, just him and me - I like a man who will hold me, love me, and tell me how much I mean to them. Open doors for me, hang out with the boys, do daring things, help me with chores, etc.

Anything that makes me feel cherished I suppose. I feel the most special when my manly man is all gruff and tough in public but loving and open in private.

Kind of a corollary to the Lady in public and the ***** in bed?
How about a tough guy in public and a teddy bear in private?

Flowers, notes, neck kisses, compliments... all good Gosh I miss those.
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Old 07-15-2009, 11:53 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Manly Man vs. Sensitive Man

My H is the best of both worlds, and I love it. He is the one who stays home with our boys during the day, so he is VERY nurturing and senstive. He has not always been this way(to our sons yes, but not always to me), and its really coming out in him now, since we had a horrid start to the year that almost destroyed our marriage. He appreciates me more now, and it shows every day.
So, yeah, I know I can go to him now, looking for a shoulder to cry on, looking to vent, looking to laugh...whatever; and he is there for me. At the same time, he takes care of all the "manly" duties, makes me feel protected and safe, and keeps the sexy, raunchy side of our relationship alive too. Though, its a big turn on for both of us when I take control in the sack....for us, its a good balance!!
For him though, I think the ability to embrace both sides of his personality is coming thru because at almost 30, he is finally starting to figure out who HE is, so he is becoming more comfortable in his own skin, and shrugging off the role his family placed him in for most of his life.
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Old 07-15-2009, 12:19 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Manly Man vs. Sensitive Man

a macho man or very emotional man are common........
2 extremes. Try finding a balanced man, now that is something harder to find and if your not that way yourself, hard to keep.
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Old 07-15-2009, 02:51 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Manly Man vs. Sensitive Man

I've always seen a lot of stuff about being a doormat and/or not having confidence. Anyone have any opinions or examples of that? This is something that I worry that I do sometimes. My wife is very emotional and has some issues with depression, etc. and I get worried that I give in to her too often because it will make her happy.
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Old 07-15-2009, 10:31 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Manly Man vs. Sensitive Man

My husband is sweet, caring and sensitive when he wants to be. He is not afraid of checking out scary noises, doing yard work, some house work and he likes to cook....

But he is afraid of becoming a doormat so he feels as though he has to make the decisions as the MAN in the house. He always tells me, "I think you need someone who will let you walk all over him."

He has controlling issues... And I don't let him control me. So he feels as though he is a doormat.

I want a man who is not controlling, overly jealous, caring, sweet, loving and someone who is not afraid to trust their SO.
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Old 07-15-2009, 11:55 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Manly Man vs. Sensitive Man

Being sensitive, kind, and loving, means that you genuinely want to please your partner and you are aware of how your behavior impacts them. It means compromise. It means considering your partners wants and needs before your own.

Doesn't that sound dreamy?
I can also guarantee that consistently doing those things invites being used as a doormat.
Every relationship explores boundaries in one way or another. If as a guy you demonstrate a willingness to compromise, your partner is eventually going to test how much you are willing to compromise. And at some point it simply becomes capitulation.

If you shift gears as I did - and put a moratorium on compromise and capitulation - you are labeled as selfish and controlling.
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Old 07-16-2009, 07:39 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Manly Man vs. Sensitive Man

[QUOTE=Julie;70872] He always tells me, "I think you need someone who will let you walk all over him."

QUOTE]

yes .. that is what controlling men say...
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Old 07-16-2009, 09:10 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Manly Man vs. Sensitive Man

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I want a man who is not controlling, overly jealous, caring, sweet, loving and someone who is not afraid to trust their SO.
Honestly, we had the exact OPPOSITE problem when we first were together. She had some bad past relationships and had some trust issues when we first got together. I knew that, I accepted that, and we've worked through most of it and we are stronger because of it.

What I didn't expect was how her trust issues could be reversed the other way. What I mean by that was, she would get MAD if I DID NOT get jealous. Her last boyfriend (the A-Hole that was the sperm donor to our oldest boy, a long story) was a raging controlling jealous guy. So when we first got together, she would mistake my trust in her for me not caring. I told her that I worry about other guys, but I don't let it consume me. She had some guy friends that she had for a long time.

The first time we just went out to our local bar, and there were some old guy friends of hers there. We went up, she introduced me, we talked for a little bit. They got telling old stories, laughing at jokes, etc. No big deal. My buddy was a bartender there at the time, and I happened to get talking to him, she was talking to them, all was fine. But afterwards, she was all mad when we were leaving. She asked me if I really cared about her. I was like WTF? Basically, she said that I was acting like I didn't care if she was talking to other guys. I just looked at her and said, "Why, is there a reason I should get worried about you talking to them?" She obviously replied "No, they're just friends". I said "Exactly, so why would I worry about it."... But she still couldn't understand it. She didn't really know what it was like to be trusted. That shows you how much a past bad relationship can screw with you. She thought NOT being jealous meant that I didn't care if she left me for another guy.
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Old 07-16-2009, 03:36 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Manly Man vs. Sensitive Man

Wow look at these things men have to be to make women happy. Caring, loving, gardener, housekeeper, lover, dishwasher, caretaker, bodyguard, boxer, poet, astronaut, you name it. How complicated! Or, women is it because you don't really know what you want in a man? Make up your mind. You can't have everything just like we can't.

Also, to keep your wife happy, men have to be doormats. Sure will say that's pessimistic and cynical but if you have been married for over 10 years then you know what I mean. That's just the way it is.
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