Actually it's not such an unusual situation as some people might think. In my time on different forums, I have come across many, many women who are living in sexless or near sexless marriages, not by their own choice. It seems to me from that experience - although of course I haven't exactly done a study on it - that women are far more inclined to remain in the marriage, regardless of the lack of sex, than men are - all other things being equal (i.e. no abuse, no infidelity.)
I am in a marriage where sex is rare, and my husband's desire - although high during dating - after marriage all but disappeared. I joke (to myself) that if I hadn't conceived our child before we married, I probably wouldn't have ever had one. For several years, sex was something that happened about every 2 months. It took me a year to actually talk to him about it - which sounds pretty sad, but there were all kinds of reasons for that. When I did finally pluck up the courage, he made all kinds of excuses (lies) and invented all kinds of reasons why he just wasn't in the mood or didn't feel like it, or was so tired, etc. I just got tired of hearing it, you know? How long does it take to have sex, after all? As a guy pointed out on another thread - who is in the same position as me and the OP - it's not "just" sex. It's the intimacy and closeness that come with a regular and good sex life. I always felt closer to my husband at that time, than any other time, and we always got on much better for the few days after sex .. until I started to realize, yet again, that I was going to have to wait 2 months until the next time.
I did, at one point, find out that my husband was addicted to porn (by his own admission). It seems that he dealt with that, I don't know for sure. But it didn't improve our sex life any.
So, we have been married for 13 years last November, and intimacy is still not 'normal' so far as I understand it from previous relationships/one previous marriage/other people's marriages - but then comparisons aren't always wise! It's a bit of a minefield, because I want him to desire me, and he doesn't really. So, OP I really and truly DO know how you feel and what you are going through.
In my case, I decided that 1) I will not cheat. This is really important to me. There have been occasions when I could have cheated. Men have come on to me, and I have turned them down and discouraged them from approaching me again. I don't believe that cheating will help, because it's not "just" sex that I want - it's intimacy with my husband that I want. 2) I will not divorce him. We have three kids between us, the first two of which already survived his divorce from his first wife (who
did cheat on him), and who don't deserve to suffer through a second divorce, and our own kid who I will not expose to the trauma of divorce. Sure, he might decide one day to divorce me, and if he does, then I will have to do the best I can to cushion the kids, but at least I know that
I won't have initiated that trauma.
You can certainly try counseling. We have been to counseling twice, but I found it hard to actually say what the biggest problem was in front of the counselor, because I didn't want to embarass my husband. I don't know how you feel about that. I did seek counseling for myself, but unfortunately my counselor was of the opinion that I shouldn't stick around - and that wasn't what I went to hear - so that didn't help me either.
I'm sorry that you are going through this. I wish I had some way to help.