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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-16-2009, 03:25 AM Thread Starter
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Wife's friend

My wife and I are married for 21 years and she had a best lady friend for the last 5 years. I do not see eye to eye with this friend but endure her for my wife's sake. My wife spends a lot of time with this friend and has many times came back home after 12 at night after visiting with her. We have talked about this and then for short periods she would spend less time with her friend. Her friend has recently gone through a divorce where she basically walked out with nothing. My wife now wants us to accommodate her in our house for an indefinite period of time. In the past we have allowed her to stay over but every time my wife would spend more time with her than with me and the chidren. Should I allow her to stay over at our home or will I be selfish not to allow her? Is it healthy for the marriage where one spouse has a relationship with a friend but the other spouse does not feel comfortable with that relationship? The worst years and most volatile were the last 5 years of our marriage. I am now considering leaving home if my wife insists her friend come and stay with us

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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-16-2009, 03:29 AM
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Re: Wife's friend

You are considering leaving wife (of 21 years) because she has a long term FEMALE friend who needs a place to stay?

Why are you negative/jealous regarding this woman? What is the rest of the story?
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-16-2009, 03:12 PM
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Re: Wife's friend

depends on many things... do you have the extra room for her to stay there, can you afford the extra expenses ( water bill, etc)..
does this friend have a lot of stuff she wants to bring ( furniture etc)
will the friend be coming alone or does she have kids she is also bringing? does she plan to date while there and bring men over?
Will her ex be coming over? does she have a job? how long will she stay? are you going to draw up a formal lease in the event things go terribly wrong so you have some legal protection?

there is maybe more than just this too but this is a good start as to what needs to be considered.
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-16-2009, 03:29 PM
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Re: Wife's friend

Back about 15 years ago I had a old friend who I had NOT seen much of in many years want to move in with me. She offered no real explaination except that she was not happy in her marriage.

I thought the request was kinda odd as she hit me up while I was visiting my family on vacation as to this. When I asked her what was going on all she would repeat was that she wasn't happy.

After I got home she began to call me and tell me she wanted to live with me. Here she was... married with 5 kids, all under 18, no job skills, no real employment, no money...
When I asked details I got nothing, she even had her mother call me ( a woman I had not seen much of since 8th grade) as to ask me why I didn't want her to live with me?
I asked her mother what she planned to do with her kids? and about a job? and there was dead silence.
I told her mother I worked most of the time and did not want a bunch of kids in my house and that I was single, dated and sometimes had company and wanted my privacy.
They both ended up getting reallllly mad at me because I didn't welcome the situation with open arms like some stupid person.

I tell you, that was really something to ask someone you haven't even seen in the last 15 years or more.
I have no regrets, better than her moving in with her brood and ruining my life. Chances are she wouldn't be happy here either and I sure wasn't going to be supporting her or living with all those kids....
and she was going to move like 1500 miles away?
she was outta her mind !!! ( very unrealisitc)

no regrets.
You need to start asking lots of questions and before agreeing to anything, get all the details of what the arrangemrent is going to consist of IN WRITING !
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-22-2011, 05:29 PM
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Re: Wife's friend


**** No.

Mother ****ing no.

Divorce is contageous by the way.
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-22-2011, 05:51 PM
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Re: Wife's friend

The original post was more than two years old. Most likely, things have been resolved since then...

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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-22-2011, 05:52 PM
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Re: Wife's friend

This friend who is now single, is probably gonna be looking for guys soon enuff----that right there is a problem, so your wife needs to cut time with her friend-------

If she wants to continue with the friend---they do not go to bars, meat markets, strip places, dance places----they go NO WHERE, your wife can be hit on.

If you wanna be real nice---you could allow the friend say, 2 months, while she gets herself, back on her feet

Make sure your wife, and her friend know that after 2 months, she is out---NO MATTER WHAT

Make sure none of your marital assets goes to help the friend---giving her a roof, is enuff.

If your wife doesn't like your terms---tell your wife to leave with your friend---and do not be nice about it
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-22-2011, 07:08 PM
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Re: Wife's friend

Originally Posted by hubby63 View Post
Her friend has recently gone through a divorce where she basically walked out with nothing. My wife now wants us to accommodate her in our house for an indefinite period of time. In the past we have allowed her to stay over but every time my wife would spend more time with her than with me and the children.
Your wife is selfish to even asking to have this person stay over for an "indefinite time". This is all for the benefit of her and her friend at the expense of you and your children. You must say no for any time frame, because once in your home you cannot trust that she will leave as planned.

You have a right to say no and you should. This lady living in your home will take away the normal intimacy that you and your kids have a right to enjoy when you are home. This will hurt your family for sure. Better to take the abuse and pressure now for saying no, than the abuse and pressure you will have once the lady is living with you, especially with the other lady aligning herself with your wife against you.

BTW, call the lady's husband to find out why they are divorcing. If it was for cheating on him (with males or females) when out with the girls, you should know this.

Be strong now or you will regret it later.
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-23-2011, 04:28 AM
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Re: Wife's friend

Yes, for your relationship, you should say no.
You will thank yourself later for this.
Patricia B. Pina is offline  
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