My wife hates I have a daughter and it is killing me
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Old 07-16-2009, 02:35 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My wife hates I have a daughter and it is killing me

Hello forum,

I registed just to get some feedback from some unbiased people about my situation. I just got married 6 weeks ago and I love everything about my wife except for the fact that in her words, she "hates the fact I have a daughter" from a previous relationship. I pick up my daughter every wednesday and every other friday and try to do fun things with her, but my wife just treats this beautiful 3 year old girl like she is the plague. She won't say hello to her unless my daughter says hello first, she even has admitted to given her dirty looks out of jealously, she hates the fact that I always tell my daughter how cute and beautiful she looks today, and has even called my daughter a "brat", "spoiled", and "ugly" behind her back to me. She also refers to my daughter as my ex's daughter and that my daughter is only 50% mine not 100% because it's with my ex. Her jealously of my ex runs so deep that she even gets mad when my ex's 5 year old daughter says hello to me and wants to give me a hug when I go to pick my daughter up. She then calls the 5 year-old "ugly" and has "huge ears" when we get to my car and gets mad becuase I tell her to knock it off. She also tells me that when we have a daughter that our daughter is going to be the "cutest" girl ever and gets mad at me because I say that I would never call one of my daughter's cuter than the other. It is so childish and petty, but it absolutely breaks my heart to see my little girl getting talked about like this when she does nothing but treat my wife good. She is an innocent child. I love EVERYTHING about my wife EXCEPT for this, but it is a MAJOR EXCEPTION. We keep having arguments about it because I ask her why the hell did she ever even date me(forget marrying me) when I told her the first 15 minutes I met her that I had a daughter and loved her so much. I spoil my wife so good and do everything for her, but she simply can't accept the fact I have a daughter and it crushes me. I feel like a bad father because I am even scared to shower my little girl with love and compliments when my wife is around because I don't want to see her get mad, roll her eyes, or ignore me all day. It is really a terrible situation and it is waying on my conscience so bad. I really feel like a bad father because I don't even have my little girl sleep over my house because I don't want to deal with the moodiness from my wife over it. It really sucks and I want to be a great dad and have my daughter grow up loving me to death. I am blessed to have a good financial situation and I'm even scared to buy my little girl things here and there(even though I can afford it) because my wife thinks I pay too much child support. Any advice would be appreciated. I'm seriously thinking of divorce because I can't deal with this much longer. She keeps telling me she will change, but I never see it. She rags on my ex 24/7 daily even though I don't even talk to my ex ever. Sorry for the long post, but I needed to get everything said.
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Old 07-16-2009, 02:48 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife hates I have a daughter and it is killing me

Kick your wife out the door and continue to be the best dad ever. Your daughter comes first and please do not have children with your current wife. She is not mature enough for parenthood.
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Old 07-16-2009, 02:48 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Deal killer for me

Why in God's name did you marry this woman?

Your daughter's happiness and well-being are being sacrificed for this marriage.

Your wife is stunning in her cruelty towards her.

If I were you, I'd get this marriage annulled and protect my daughter from this diatribe.

It will never improve. Your wife is a nut.
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Old 07-16-2009, 03:03 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife hates I have a daughter and it is killing me

Your daughter is only 3.......... not like some terrorizing, immature loud mouthed punky teenager with a bad attitude, which is the case with my husbands adult daughter.
I can't stand my husbands daughter either but she has done many things to both me and my husband, has many unrealitic expecations, is immature, aggressive and demanding since I met him when she was 15...
now that she is an adult we have distanced ourselkves from her due to her behavior...
BUT IN YOUR SITATION, since your daughter is only 3..........
I'd say your wife is being very unrealitic and MEAN !!!
My gosh your daughters only 3 !

If you choose to stay married, its going to be a bumpy ride for you.
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Old 07-16-2009, 03:23 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife hates I have a daughter and it is killing me

Unfortunately, I think you guy's are right. I mistakingly thought marriage would change her knowing she had security, but even that did not change a thing. Plus, the last thing in this world I would ever want to do is to have another daughter and have my 1st daughter think I loved my 2nd daughter more because my wife treats her like gold and my daughter like she doesn't exist. It really sucks and it has gotten progressively worse since she moved in with me over a year ago. She even had the audacity to say to me "what happens if something happens to your ex and your daughter has to live here". I mean, she thinks I'm going to not take my daughter in? We have 4 empty bedrooms for goodness sakes. The thing that really stinks is I even let her 18 year-old brother sleep over almost every weekend to make her happy thinking she would at least treat my daughter good when I pick her up every wednesday, but even that does not get her to change her ways. I've tried everything. It's so bad that I bought my daughter two barbie dolls last week at Walmart for $20 and my wife, who is 25, wanted me to buy her the $50 barbie doll. She used to collect them, but it was obvious to me that she just wanted me to buy it because she was jealous I was buying my daughter a couple dolls. I understand being a little jealous that I have a kid with an ex, but I just can't understand why it has to be like this.
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Old 07-16-2009, 03:24 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife hates I have a daughter and it is killing me

I met my stepdaughter when she was 4, and I dated 4 years before marrying my husband, because I knew I had to accept that this daughter will always be a part of my husband's life. I was deeply mistaken that she would be independent at age 18, and now she is the root cause of our financial troubles. I have always been jealous that my husabnd would jump at every chance she gets to see his daughter. Even after having two sons with my husband, I still feel he devotes more time to his daughter. I also think this girl is not my daughter, and I treat her like any other child. I think it is showing respect to not invade her mother's territory and act motherly to my stepdaughter. Are you sure she actually hates a 3 year old, or is she just hating the fact that she is a product of your previous marriage?
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Old 07-16-2009, 03:34 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife hates I have a daughter and it is killing me

I believe you knew your answer even before you post it. Your wife knew you had a daughter and if she is acting like that, then just dump her a** out.

I have a friend that when thru about the same, in his case he left his 1st wife and 2 kids for the 2nd wife, and the 2nd wife hate it the kids with a passion, he could not even have them for half the summer because she will mistrwat them. Until my friend just paked up and left without looking back.

Leave before is to late, and please, please please, do not have a child with your wife, she will make you suffer for it.
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Old 07-16-2009, 03:38 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife hates I have a daughter and it is killing me

How can anyone hate a 3 year old so much?
Kids at that age are sooooooooooo cute.

?
your wife has some serious issues. I agree to not have kids with her.
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Old 07-16-2009, 04:02 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife hates I have a daughter and it is killing me

Very sorry for you situation. You're not going to change the way you feel about your daughter, and you'll NEVER change your wife's attitude towards her. All you can change is your relationship with one of them, and based on your description it sounds like an obvious choice, although certainly not an easy one.

I'm sorry if you came here looking for some magic bullet that would make everything turn out swell. You know what you have to do. Do it.
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Old 07-16-2009, 04:10 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife hates I have a daughter and it is killing me

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Originally Posted by 2beagooddad View Post
I really feel like a bad father because I don't even have my little girl sleep over my house because I don't want to deal with the moodiness from my wife over it. It really sucks and I want to be a great dad and have my daughter grow up loving me to death. I am blessed to have a good financial situation and I'm even scared to buy my little girl things here and there(even though I can afford it) because my wife thinks I pay too much child support.
Wow. This makes my blood boil.

You are sacrificing your daughter for your wife. YOU are allowing your wife's actions to dictate YOUR actions towards your daughter. Your wife is an adult, and it is time you stand up to her and expect her to act like one, or kick her out the door. TODAY.

Your daughter doesn't get to stay the night at your house because of your wife? ARE YOU SERIOUS?? Wife's brother stays the weekend but your very own 3 year old daughter doesn't stay the night???? Grow a set of balls and use them! BE A FATHER! You will not get this time back with your daughter. You are missing out on so much, and unfortunately, your daughter is losing.

Eventually your daughter is going to be old enough to understand what is going on. She will KNOW that her father chose another woman (and possibly more children) over her. She will know that she was not important enough to her father for him to fight for her, do what is right for her, or even consider her his priority.

There is so much more I could say....this is just totally insane to me. Don't allow this to happen another day. Either your wife grows up (IMMEDIATELY) or she's gone. Enough time has gone by already. Don't allow this woman to damage your daughter, or your relationship with your daughter any more than she already has. Don't leave your litle girl behind. Your wife had the option and made a decision to be a part of this family....your daughter didn't have a choice.

PUT YOUR DAUGHTER FIRST!
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Old 07-16-2009, 04:43 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife hates I have a daughter and it is killing me

I dont even know where to begin..

My mom and dad divorced when I was only 4-5 months old..he remarried, had my lil sister with this other woman, divorced her serveral years down the road, remarried, and started raising my sister, and his 3rd wife's 2 kids as if they were his. I had to call and ask him to come pick me up, NEVER did he call and ask if I wanted to come spend the weekend, NEVER did he show up to a school event, NEVER was he there for my birthday.. why?? Because of my step-mom... He's had more to do with her kids then he has me.. and its due to her...she says jump and he'll ask how high.. Dont do this to your child, dont let your wife have the last say so, put your daughter first, have a relationship with her..dont let her grow up filled with hate and anger because her daddy put another woman first. Let her be greatful that her dad is in her life while shes growning up.. My dad didnt start coming around until I was out on my own and able to care for myself... Dont be that kind of dad...grow a back bone and stand up to what you call a wife.. she knew what she was getting into when she said "I do".. if she was any kind of wife/woman she wouldnt treat a 3 year old that way.. be a man... be a FATHER and stand up to her..shes just running you over, and is goin to continue doing so until you grow some balls.
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Old 07-16-2009, 04:44 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife hates I have a daughter and it is killing me

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PUT YOUR DAUGHTER FIRST!
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Old 07-16-2009, 11:54 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I dont even know where to begin..

My mom and dad divorced when I was only 4-5 months old..he remarried, had my lil sister with this other woman, divorced her serveral years down the road, remarried, and started raising my sister, and his 3rd wife's 2 kids as if they were his. I had to call and ask him to come pick me up, NEVER did he call and ask if I wanted to come spend the weekend, NEVER did he show up to a school event, NEVER was he there for my birthday.. why?? Because of my step-mom... He's had more to do with her kids then he has me.. and its due to her...she says jump and he'll ask how high.. Dont do this to your child, dont let your wife have the last say so, put your daughter first, have a relationship with her..dont let her grow up filled with hate and anger because her daddy put another woman first. Let her be greatful that her dad is in her life while shes growning up.. My dad didnt start coming around until I was out on my own and able to care for myself... Dont be that kind of dad...grow a back bone and stand up to what you call a wife.. she knew what she was getting into when she said "I do".. if she was any kind of wife/woman she wouldnt treat a 3 year old that way.. be a man... be a FATHER and stand up to her..shes just running you over, and is goin to continue doing so until you grow some balls.

Dude, not for nothin', but she just told you to grow some balls. And she's right. When you chose to have a child (gratz btw kids are awesome) you pretty much gave up certain rights you used to have. Like in this case, you dont have the right to put someone before your daughter. You dont have the right to marry some woman who could hate a 3 year old. What woman hates a 3 year old girl? I question your judgement of character. Sounds like your daughter is going to be cinderella and you married the wicked step-mother.

Here's what ya do. Get an annulment, or a divorce if need be, and get your own place. A two bedroom place. Make one of the rooms your daughters room. Paint it pink. Put up flowery girly things. Dolls and princesses, unicorns and carebears or whatever it is girls like these days. Then, get as much custody as the state allows of your daughter. After that you devote the next 18 to 21 years of your life to being the best dad you can possibly be. Commit yourself to raising the best little girl the world has ever been graced to have walked upon it. After that, go back to doing what you thought you wanted to do before you did the best thing with your life you could have possibly done.

You'll find in the end, nothing else matter but that little girl. She needs you right now. NEEDS you. You owe it to her. Now, as the woman I quoted said, grow some balls and do it.


John
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Old 07-17-2009, 05:07 AM   #14 (permalink)
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ECHO ECHO ECHO Divorce this woman immediately. You should NEVER EVER married her in the first place. My father sacrificed his own children's happiness to be with the witch he is with now. My mother died when I was 4 years old. I HATE this woman with a passion to this day and I'm 35 years old. I also resent the hell out of him for making the choice. Don't do this to your daughter. Skanks come and skanks go. Choose your daughter. Kick your wife to the curb. She should be FRIGGIN ashamed of herself.
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Old 07-17-2009, 06:40 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife hates I have a daughter and it is killing me

Please keep in mind that not all women are destined to be great mothers. If you truly loved your wife, there is no reason why you can't reach an agreement. Maybe she can take a trip to her mother's while you spend one-on-one time with your daughter. When you buy gifts for your daughter, why is it such a burden to also buy a gift for your wife? I think your wife wants some attention, and she knows this daughter, although an innocent 3 year old, is totally capable of sapping every last bit of attention from you. If you do get a divroce and want to remarry, you will always run into the same problem. Not all women can be a Mrs. Brady. Blended families need work. There is nothing wrong with your courage because you love and respect your wife. Many successful marriage place the husband and wife ahead of the kids.
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