I'm starting to hate my husband, please help!!
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Family, Marriage and Relationships »General Relationship Discussion » I'm starting to hate my husband, please help!!

General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

Like Tree36Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 02-01-2013, 12:55 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 29
Default I'm starting to hate my husband, please help!!

We met thru facebook, dated and got married. He has an 8 yrs old daughter and I have a 7 yrs old son. We've been married a year now.

The problem started out with him telling me that a wife comes and go but his daughter stays. Meaning I'm not as important as his daughter. To me, once married a husband and a wife "two become one", he supposed to be someone I trust my life with, someone I grow old with, over all the most important person in my life. Then kids that we both love and adore.

He barely touch me, whenever I touch him he either pushed me away or complained that he has to work the next day. He works from 7am-3pm. That's not the only obstacle, he allowed his daughter to sleep with us, left my son all alone. Eventually, I learn to suppress my feeling and cried myself to sleep night after night. Not that we've never done it, we did it but it's all about him. When he's got what he wanted, he just turned away and sleep left me all alone. He said he afraid his daughter might hears us. So, I guess we're just not gonna do anything as long as she's here. Yes, maybe he hugs me but how is that gonna help me? He thinks that hugging and cuddling is enough for a married couple.

When I first moved in I noticed his ex-wife pics were all over the house, I felt hurt. Yep, once again everything was for his daughter. I also found the wedding video DVD. At this point, I ask myself "what am I doing here?", "why am I interferring their live?". That's not enough his family started telling me how good his ex-wife was.

More and more, he was also involved texting and phone conversation with other women behind my back. I confronted him and he promised to stop. Nope, he didn't. He was still talking and texting but he deleted the phone numbers and texts when he's done. He would called me on the way home from work and rushed off the phone said he's driving couldn't talk. However, he called that girl and talked till he gets home. He can't call or having text conversation from work, that's what he told me, but he did all that with her. If I didn't check AT&T phone bill, I'll never find out. I was hurt, lost my trust and faith in him. That's when I started to hate him.

No that's not all, my son found a letter written by his daughter saying how much she hated me and my son being here. She said my son and I destroyed her life. I've done nothing but nice and treated her like my own. At this point I lost my closeness with her, I still take care of her needs but I can't be close to her like I used to. I hate how she bosses my son around and being mean to him. As for my husband, he's not very nice to my son but he's not that bad with him either. He's sweet with his daughter but the opposite with my son.

I also caught him messaging with girls on fb using words that only couple would use. And he has to check that girl profile every otherday...he has to know how she's doing. Why? She's not family.

I tried talking to him, but he doesn't like communicating. He promised to change. However, our sex life suck...he cum then he just goes to sleep. Left me all alone...

That's how I come to hating him, not wanting him around...I know all he cares about is his daughter. Help me please!! I feel lonly and all I want is the relationship that a husband and a wife suppose to have. I feel so much pain and anger toward him and his daughter...I just want stab myself. I'm still waiting for all the promises he made me before we got married.
Heart broken is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 02-01-2013, 01:06 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
TheStranger's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Dubrovnik
Posts: 268
Default Re: I'm starting to hate my husband, please help!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Heart broken View Post
The problem started out with him telling me that a wife comes and go but his daughter stays. Meaning I'm not as important as his daughter. To me, once married a husband and a wife "two become one", he supposed to be someone I trust my life with, someone I grow old with, over all the most important person in my life. Then kids that we both love and adore.
Absolutely not. The kids must come first. If you told me that you should come first and then kids that we both love and adore I'd leave you in a heartbeat.

Having said that it's clear that your relationship is seriously broken and his daughter has nothing to do with it. This is between you and him. I'm not sure what can you expect if he thinks you 'destroyed' his life.
TheStranger is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-01-2013, 01:24 PM   #3 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 29
Default Re: I'm starting to hate my husband, please help!!

Thanks for your replied. Based on your oppinion what is the caused of this broken relationship? FYI, putting the kids first ... I agree and thought so too, so I adjusted myself to his needs and his daughter's needs. And yes, always his daughter first...and somehow I feel no love or need from him. I feel like an intruder. Should I walk away?
Heart broken is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-01-2013, 01:28 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Zatol Ugot?'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 522
Default Re: I'm starting to hate my husband, please help!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheStranger View Post
Absolutely not. The kids must come first. If you told me that you should come first and then kids that we both love and adore I'd leave you in a heartbeat.

Having said that it's clear that your relationship is seriously broken and his daughter has nothing to do with it. This is between you and him. I'm not sure what can you expect if he thinks you 'destroyed' his life.
In my case, I would show you the door. I agree with OP. When you get married, it is the coming together of two hearts, souls and bodies. The two become one and should put each other above all others...including children. And please don't be ridiculous enough to think that means ignoring, neglecting or otherwise mistreating your children. As a parent, you should obviously cherish and love your entire family.
Also, this is not an excuse for all spouses who beat their children and their partner just look admiringly at them while paying no heed to the evil behavior.
Zatol Ugot? is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-01-2013, 01:29 PM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
chillymorn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,876
Default Re: I'm starting to hate my husband, please help!!

I don't know what putting the kids first means..... but alot of times it means spoiled kids!

parents are people also and ample time should be dedicated to both spouce and child.

if someone who has children remarries and then says their kids come first I would be pi$$ed. if thats how they feel. then they should wait until their kids are grown before getting into another marriage.
chillymorn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-01-2013, 01:30 PM   #6 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 29
Default Re: I'm starting to hate my husband, please help!!

If he choose to walk away, things would have been a lot easier for me. I hate feeling like an outsider. When a couple get married it is because of love in't it? That's what I want, that love...that feeling. Is it too late or is it inappropriate?
Heart broken is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-01-2013, 01:30 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Zatol Ugot?'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 522
Default Re: I'm starting to hate my husband, please help!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Heart broken View Post
Thanks for your replied. Based on your oppinion what is the caused of this broken relationship? FYI, putting the kids first ... I agree and thought so too, so I adjusted myself to his needs and his daughter's needs. And yes, always his daughter first...and somehow I feel no love or need from him. I feel like an intruder. Should I walk away?
It doesn't sound as though he was ready for a marriage. Rather, he was looking for a bed partner and some adult companionship around the house. You need to assess what you both want out of this relationship and act accordingly.

I went back and reread your entire original post....you need to pack this in. This is not a marriage. Much of his behavior is totally unacceptable and if he has not had an affair yet, he will.

Last edited by Zatol Ugot?; 02-01-2013 at 01:34 PM. Reason: more info
Zatol Ugot? is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-01-2013, 01:34 PM   #8 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 29
Default Re: I'm starting to hate my husband, please help!!

Chillymorn: You made me cry for saying that. I agree, and kept asking him if that's what he wants. Anything his daughter wants, she want a babysister he then wants a child, she want a house we bought a house. If only he tells me his true feeling.
Heart broken is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-01-2013, 01:34 PM   #9 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 17,705
Default Re: I'm starting to hate my husband, please help!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Heart broken View Post
That's how I come to hating him, not wanting him around...I know all he cares about is his daughter. Help me please!! I feel lonly and all I want is the relationship that a husband and a wife suppose to have. I feel so much pain and anger toward him and his daughter...I just want stab myself. I'm still waiting for all the promises he made me before we got married.
You are not going to get the relationship you want from this man...ever.

Why are you still with him?

How old is his daughter?
__________________
Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters
EleGirl is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 02-01-2013, 01:35 PM   #10 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 17,705
Default Re: I'm starting to hate my husband, please help!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Heart broken View Post
Chillymorn: You made me cry for saying that. I agree, and kept asking him if that's what he wants. Anything his daughter wants, he want a babysister he then wants a child, she want a house we bought a house. If only he tells me his true feeling.
He has told you his true feelings... look at his actions. Believe actions before words. This man does not want the kind of marriage you want.
__________________
Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters
EleGirl is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 02-01-2013, 01:41 PM   #11 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 29
Default Re: I'm starting to hate my husband, please help!!

I'm with him because of love and hope, thinking and hoping he'll change. I'm paying the mortgage and he pays the utilities. If I leave him it would be hard for him to afford this house. And I don't like leaving and starting with someone else...I want to grow old with this man. Only he'd shows me love. However, I'm ready to rethink things through...and open to any suggestion.
Heart broken is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-01-2013, 01:46 PM   #12 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 29
Default Re: I'm starting to hate my husband, please help!!

I'm lost and really don't know where to go.
Heart broken is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-01-2013, 01:47 PM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
Zatol Ugot?'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 522
Default Re: I'm starting to hate my husband, please help!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Heart broken View Post
I'm with him because of love and hope, thinking and hoping he'll change. I'm paying the mortgage and he pays the utilities. If I leave him it would be hard for him to afford this house. And I don't like leaving and starting with someone else...I want to grow old with this man. Only he'd shows me love. However, I'm ready to rethink things through...and open to any suggestion.
As cold as it sounds, leaving him with a house payment is not your main concern (and really shouldn't be any concern for you and your son). I know that you are scared and don't like the idea of starting over but you are setting yourself up for a world of regret if you try to stick it out with this guy. You may want to grow old with this man, but he has anything on his mind but that. This relationship cannot be a one way street. It's not really a marriage.
Zatol Ugot? is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-01-2013, 01:47 PM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
Zatol Ugot?'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 522
Default Re: I'm starting to hate my husband, please help!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Heart broken View Post
I'm lost and really don't know where to go.
Do you have family or friends that you could talk to?
Zatol Ugot? is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-01-2013, 01:50 PM   #15 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 17,705
Default Re: I'm starting to hate my husband, please help!!

His daughter is 8. It's really wrong for her to be sleeping in a bed with him, much less with the two of you every night.
__________________
Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters
EleGirl is online now   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Tags
broken heart, hurt, husband bad in bed, husband cheated, husband has low sex drive

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I'm starting to hate this phase.... Z-Man General Relationship Discussion 0 10-30-2012 09:13 AM
Starting to hate my MIL BrittyBea36 The Family & Parenting Forums 5 06-16-2012 07:23 AM
I feel like Im slowly starting to hate my husband kcc01 General Relationship Discussion 2 07-12-2011 09:06 PM
Starting to HATE Facebook!!! mrsbroken Coping with Infidelity 7 04-15-2010 08:21 PM
i am starting to hate my husband.... Coco General Relationship Discussion 25 06-14-2009 02:31 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:15 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage