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What about fat husbands?

14K views 136 replies 40 participants last post by  Machiavelli 
#1 ·
I see a lot of posts by husbands not attracted to their wives any more due to weight gain. Just wondering what the women think about their husbands. I think women are far less shallow than men when it comes to physical appearance. It is common to see an attractive women with a balding, overweight older man, but uncommon to see a very attractive man with an older woman who is overweight.

I prefer hubby to be fit, but if he gained weight I don't think it would change the way I feel about him all that much, and I would still be interested in sex. In fact, I prefer hubby to be less attractive to other women so I can have him all to myself. The only thing I worry about is his health because I want him to live a long time and the less he weighs the longer he will probably live.

If your hubby gained weight would it change the way you feel about him?
 
#2 ·
It is a tricky one, I don't like the look of overweight men and really think it would put me off them from a sexual POV.
I have always been with fit men, never experienced an overweight guy.

SO is a big, broad man, he is very muscular but does have a bit of a round tummy. This doesn't bother me at all because overall he is muscular. I would still love him if he gained weight but I would at the same time encourage him to up his exercise.

As for wanting him to be less attractive to other women, nope not here. He is a very hansom guy, he is all mine and other women can look if they want.
 
#7 ·
My husband did gain weight and it didn't change the way I felt about him. Therefore I assumed weight would never be an issue and I'd be wrong. When he hit 30 pounds I felt twinge of being turned off by the size of his belly and double chin. He's not a big guy and does not carry extra weight well. I still had sex with him and never stopped loving him but am grateful he didn't stay that size for long. :)
 
#9 · (Edited)
I believe… but most of people here think it all BS… so I believe there is sexual chemistry that is not a temporal fog but ideal resonance. And there is may be only one (may be few) species of the opposite sex that are in resonance. Some are close to the resonance but not exact at the resonance, and looks like these are those that we marry most often. If it would be a perfect resonance it doesn’t matter how does he change - the resonance is still be there. But if it is a close to the resonance it is matter because if you changes you could go farther from the resonance, sorry. For me, I am a female, sex without that chemistry( or that “fog”) is like hitting a nerve, you get sorta convolutions without any pleasure. But I still could be friends without sex with a sexually unattractive person.
As too me I know only one guy that changes without losing his charms on me. Well he can gain weight, but actually I never liked skinny guys. He would never get bold just due to his genetics, but I liked him the same with long hair and with shaved hair and with normal hair. But I never was attracted to bold guys or to skinny guys, for example. I believe we can’t force ourselves to be attracted to someone, we can be friend or remain friends after physical attractiveness and chemistry gone.

And I am extremely shallow, I bet I take the cake here for shallowness. For me the main and only reason for sex is the chemistry, that is a result that the person is physically attractive for me. If I never actually was attracted to a skinny guy doesn’t mean physical appearance is not important to me. It is important, and skinny guys are just not attractive for me.
 
#10 ·
The minute my cards were down and I started to gain weight my wife took it upon herself to fantasize about a man she works with. eventually this fantasy led into her asking me if I would be willing to have a threesome with a married man that has three kids. She never actually talked to this guy it was all cooked up in her head and I said hell no. We both have our issues, but... when I started to gain a little weight myself, instead of her constructively trying to help me she decided to look toward other men.

Just sayin'

(I understand all women are not the same. I also understand my wife's thoughts can tend to be a little out there, as I believe she suffers from BPD, but the point was.. it does go both ways.)
 
#17 ·
I tried to explain but you, guys, just keep missing it – physical attractiveness is not equal to model look. There could be model look but you could not be attracted. It is the chemistry. How it appears I don’t know. I know approximately the type I am attracted too. And this type is a little bit overweight actually. A little beer belly with muscles actually turns me on, not off. If the guy appearance doesn’t hit my brain right he could be mister universe and super model and he could knew all the sex technique from kamasutra and I will not have sex with him.
Chemistry doesn’t relate to personality. Sorry. It doesn’t relate to how great person he is. Sorry.
Now if the personality is great I sure will feel ANOTHER kind of love for the person. The love that I would feel to a brother or a sister or mother or father or to a friend. It is a friendship. But why I would want sex?
 
#23 ·
Well, see that's the difference between you and me. I was attracted to my husband when he was 220 and I am attracted to him now, when he's pushing 300. It is HIM I am attracted to, not his specific body type. I have been attracted to tall and thin as well as short and stocky. For me, what matters is the MAN... his personality, the qualities I find attractive are what make him attractive TO ME.
 
#18 ·
My wife was 300 when we first got married. Lost ALOT and now fluctuates between 175-185. Yet when her monthly visitor comes and I'm left to my own devices, half of the time, I still find myself rubbing one out to the 300 pound version. Don't get me wrong, I'm still as attracted to her as ever. I totally lust for the new version, but I lusted after the old one too! So, there's gotta be more to it than just weight.
 
#19 ·
My ex gained a lot of weight and it was disgusting to me. However, we had many other problems so I doubt it was just the weight gain that made him unattractive. But I do believe weight gain can play a part especially if it is because he is lazy and eating a lot of junk and maybe depressed. That's not attractive in itself.
 
#20 ·
"Chemistry doesn’t relate to personality. Sorry. It doesn’t relate to how great person he is. Sorry."

I like a person who knows what she wants and can defend it. Thats sexy. :D

Seriously - for me 'chemisty' goes well beyond the harmony of well matched physical desires between 2 people. I have had that, and it is not enough. The 'chemistry' you describe creates a fire and a good one... but the whole person - indeed 2 people - provide the raw material for making a furnace that burns much, much longer.

My grandparents had this, and they operated at a slow simmer for 60 years. It was groovy to see.
 
#21 ·
Good question. I've never had to deal with it. For the 30 years I've been with my husband, dating and married, he's always been fit. He has always worked out or played a sport. He eats pretty healthy too. His employer encourages staying in shape and healthy. Employees get a small additional raise in pay if they go to their annual physical.

I think my main concern if he gained weight would be his health not really if I was attracted to him. I really can't say though because I've never been there.
 
#24 ·
I think women are far less shallow than men when it comes to physical appearance.

I don't think 'being shallow' is specific to either gender. What makes one shallow is expecting your spouse to look like Barbie or Ken while letting yourself go.

H gained a few 'happy' pounds after we met; the last couple years he's been working on taking better care of himself and is now back down to the same size. My love for him never changed.
 
#26 ·
For me it is very rare that I don’t like somebody’s personality. All of us have some moments and well… ok, I can admit that there are few people that are just too negative about everything that I try to avoid. Or too controlling, have lack of tolerance. But there are not so many of them and usually they prefer to avoid me too LOL. So basically I accumulate only right type of people around me LOL. But basically look (not the model look but a right type of the look) was more important. Ok, maybe not just a look, I guess I like how person talk, again not what exactly he say but his voice, intonation. How he moves is important but it is basically – look. And very often I notice that the same jokes are funnier if the person that I have the chemistry with said it.
 
#27 · (Edited)
I see a lot of posts by husbands not attracted to their wives any more due to weight gain. Just wondering what the women think about their husbands. I think women are far less shallow than men when it comes to physical appearance. It is common to see an attractive women with a balding, overweight older man, but uncommon to see a very attractive man with an older woman who is overweight.

I prefer hubby to be fit, but if he gained weight I don't think it would change the way I feel about him all that much, and I would still be interested in sex. In fact, I prefer hubby to be less attractive to other women so I can have him all to myself. The only thing I worry about is his health because I want him to live a long time and the less he weighs the longer he will probably live.

If your hubby gained weight would it change the way you feel about him?
I really don't think that mindset is healthier than wanting a person to keep a nice figure. I hope I can find a shallow who woman will encourage me to stay attractive and not really care about how much money I have.
 
#28 ·
Personally I don't understand the need to pretend we don't care at all what a partner looks like.

I was turned off when my H gained a belly and just let it hang out, and it would be perfectly reasonable and natural of him to be turned off if I gained a bunch of weight.

If looks didn't make any difference, you would be equally attracted to everyone.
 
#31 ·
Who says we're pretending? :scratchhead:

Ok, so you weren't attracted to your husband when he gained weight. That doesn't mean EVERYONE feels that way about their spouses. For some, it isn't all about physical appearance.

And no, the "if looks didn't make a difference, you would be equally attracted to everyone" is incorrect. If a man is an @$$hole, I am not attracted to him, whether he has rock hard abs or a flabby stomach. If he is intelligent, articulate, and actually a caring man, I AM attracted to him... whether physically fit or overweight. And that's what keeps me attracted to my husband... his personality and the fact that he cares about me and the family. Am I concerned about his health? Absolutely! But that doesn't change my attraction TO HIM.
 
#29 ·
Ok, call me shallow. When my husband gained weight I was definitely less attracted to him. When he was thin, I found him sexier.

I don't like too much fat on a man. When I grab love handles and flab it's a major turn off. I won't sleep with an overweight man. I don't like BEING overweight and I don't feel sexy when I have extra pounds on.

That said, I'm not turned on by my STBXH anymore and it has nothing to do with his appearance.
 
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#32 ·
You know honestly, each to their own. But if I got married and my wife gained a bunch of weight just by sheer laziness and then told me that my love for her should make my physical attraction to her unwavering.... I would feel trapped, lied to and resentful.

My best friend dated a girl who in the course of their 3 year relationship gained about 60lbs. He is slim and active. Once they got comfortable in the relationship, she just didn't want to do anything or go anywhere unless it involved shopping. She was a sweet girl but obviously they didn't have the same values. Eventually they went their separate ways.
 
#35 ·
Hygiene, no. He has to bathe regularly, etc. He knows this, too. I make allowances for illness... Ordinarily, he showers. But when sick, he gets really dizzy, so basically, sponge bath, sitting on the toilet, with my help. But yes, hygiene is important. Why do you ask?
 
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