General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I seem to have it all regarding my marriage, a great looking, smart, charming woman who is a wonderful wife. We are both very respectful of one another and both care for one another.
But I do not feel satisfied by being with her. This means that even though things are great on paper, I do not feel like she completes me. I don’t have any hard feelings, its just that I do not feel satisfied by being with her. I have had these feelings for most of our 3 year marriage. Does anyone share this same feeling?
Please opine. She urgently wants to start a family and I am having major concerns.
I do not believe marriage is supposed to complete you, that notion is romance TV nonsense.
Mariiage is supposed to give you a life partner. Your supposed to work to complete yourself.
Unrrealistic expectations abound about marriage and that it completes someone is one of those fallicies.
what part is not complete..that is the burning question?..if it's sexual then get to work!...you must dirty talk and make her feel submissive to you..this will turn her on so much you wont want to stop..in turn she will give you what you need..it takes a man to open a woman up!..after that she will do everything with out complaint..if however you don't feel complete because of other reasons..you must discuss it!..you are wasting her time and more importantly yours!..why we do this dis service to ourselves is beyond me..it will never get resolved unless you discuss your concerns..write them down and go for it..you have no kids therefore nothing to lose..no holds barred..go man go!
I feel the same way. My husband and I have our share of past issues...serious issues. However, currently things have been smooth sailing. He's a great guy - thoughtful, hardworking, respectful, intelligent, etc. I just don't feel attracted to him personality wise or looks wise. I thought about it and I never was, not even in the beginning. I started dating him when I was 19 and I was not initially interested in him. He kind of grew on me and I was attracted to his thoughtfulness, stability, etc. I am a passionate person who believes in living life to the fullest with no regrets. I feel empty in this marriage. Sure, on paper, it looks great and sure, I could stay in it and lead a decent life but not be truly happy. He wants kids as well. We've gone through IVF and miscarried 2x. I'd love kids but not with the way I'm feeling. I've gone to see a therapist and talked openly with my husband about the way I'm feeling. He's in total denial and does not feel that separation or divorce are an option. I am so confused. I LOVE him...truly, deeply care for him as a person. I just do not feel any spark - emotionally or physically. I am an idiot for getting married with reservations but I made a mistake and can't go back. I just don't know how to go forth with this. I hope someone can help us both!
oh well if its outdated..ya know what ..you have hope!..you have no kids so you must move on..you must find the strength...you could even get pregnant with another man in a different situation down the road..It will only hurt for a year or less you will have no regrets..
and you will no longer be confused
I do not believe marriage is supposed to complete you, that notion is romance TV nonsense.
Mariiage is supposed to give you a life partner. Your supposed to work to complete yourself.
Unrrealistic expectations abound about marriage and that it completes someone is one of those fallicies.
I agree with this sentiment, mostly, only disagreeing b/c I think to some extent it's an unrealistic expectation to expect for marriage to be about compromise and mutual respect, but mostly just b/c so few people seem to have realistic expectations.
Although this post is quite old and i happened to stumble upon it... and its exactly about the situation that i'm into.
So i thought of posting my views.
When i read "jonmon" & "confused27f" ... it was as if someone was writing about me.
I've the same prob ...I've been married for over 6 yrs with one kid... although I love my wife because she's such a nice person and i really care for her ... i'm just not in love with her ... i dont feel emotionally or physically attracted to her ... I always get these urge to find someone who I can fall in love with..but when i think of the prospect of leaving my wife... i just retract... because I just cant leave her ...she has been so nice to me ... I got married in haste due to family pressure and I didnt really evaluate my chemistry with her before marrying her ... this was the biggest mistake i did .. so that makes me feel even more guilty wen I think of leaving her ... because why should I penalize her for my mistake.
I'm just hoping that i'm able to get over this feeling of incompleteness inside me so that it doesnt bother me anymore. Otherwise I really dont know what to do ...
I would like to hear about "jonmon" & "confused27f" .. if they happen to visit this post ..which is quite unlikely though...
lifezup... if you want input to your issues it's best if you start your very own thread. People will respond here to the OP or not at all because of the age of the OP(original post).
omg. I feel the same way as people who wrote here. I have a nice husband, hardworking, caring and stable but I'm not really attracted to him as a person or physically... I married him at the moment because of my green card (I told him openly that if it wasn't for that I wouldn't be ready for marriage at all. I said that even though we are married it's just because that is the only way I can stay in the country legally. And that we should behave like we are in a relationship, not in marriage. If our relationship would last so will our marriage. But I'm seriously ready to get out of this but have no idea how. I do not want to break his heart.
omg. I feel the same way as people who wrote here. I have a nice husband, hardworking, caring and stable but I'm not really attracted to him as a person or physically... I married him at the moment because of my green card (I told him openly that if it wasn't for that I wouldn't be ready for marriage at all. I said that even though we are married it's just because that is the only way I can stay in the country legally. And that we should behave like we are in a relationship, not in marriage. If our relationship would last so will our marriage. But I'm seriously ready to get out of this but have no idea how. I do not want to break his heart.
I really don't get what is so funny.
My post might look shallow but maybe I didn't explain situation very well. I met my husband just one month after coming into the USA in March 2008. We are from the same country,culture, we speak the same language and are close in age. I'm 29 and he's 27yo. At that time (right after coming) I didn't plan on staying or living in the USA ( I left a boyfriend back in my country to wait for me!!) where I came as an exchange student. I had student Visa valid for two years but planed to stay just one year. But when I met my future husband I fell in love with him. At the moment of my wedding (December 2009) wasn't ready to marry and commit for spending a life together but wasn't ready to leave the country and leave him forever either). So I decided to stay and marry him. (the only reason we married is because my papers would expire in the next couple of months and he didn't wanted me staying illegally. I didn't wanted that either. So instead of being in a relationship and figuring things out along the way, I'm suddenly in a marriage that works (he is a good guy and a good husband I can't complaint regarding anything) but...something deep inside me is lacking...he is good looking guy and that what attracted me to him even before we even get a chance to talk...later he impressed me with his hardworking habits and being always in every occasion a real gentlemen and agenerous man but.....something is missing and that something is killing me...
I feel like ungrateful *itc**, like psycho.....like person that actually doesn't now what she wants in her life. I know I mean a world to him, he uses every chance to show and tell me that, I'm just afraid I'll break his heart if I ever leave him, but if I stay neither of us will be happy in the long run...
...And please if there is still something hilarious in my post, just let me know which part...I could use a good laugh myself...
I really don't get what is so funny.
My post might look shallow but maybe I didn't explain situation very well. I met my husband just one month after coming into the USA in March 2008. We are from the same country,culture, we speak the same language and are close in age. I'm 29 and he's 27yo. At that time (right after coming) I didn't plan on staying or living in the USA ( I left a boyfriend back in my country to wait for me!!) where I came as an exchange student. I had student Visa valid for two years but planed to stay just one year. But when I met my future husband I fell in love with him and at the moment of my wedding (December 2009) wasn't ready to marry but wasn't ready to leave the country and leave him forever either). So I decided to stay and marry him. (the only reason we married is because my papers would expire in the next couple of months and he didn't wanted me staying illegally. I didn't wanted that either. So instead of being in a relationship and figuring things out along the way, I'm suddenly in a marriage that works (he is a good guy and a good husband I can't complaint regarding anything) but...something deep inside me is lacking...he is good looking guy and that what attracted me to him even before we even get a chance to talk...later he impressed me with his hardworking habits and being always in every occasion a real gentlemen and agenerous man but.....something is missing and that something is killing me...
I feel like ungrateful *itc**, like psycho.....like person that actually doesn't now what she wants in her life. I know I mean a world to him, he uses every chance to show and tell me that, I'm just afraid I'll break his heart if I ever leave him, but if I stay neither of us will be happy in the long run...
...And please if there is still something hilarious in my post, just let me know which part...I could use a good laugh myself...
The is nothing funny in your post. The person who posted a was actually reacting to you saying that the only reason you got married was to stay in the country. Your first most makes it sound like you took advantage of a man to stay here and now you want to dump him.
If you want to save your marriage, and it sounds like you should give it a very good try, please look at the books linked to in my signature block below for building a passionate marriage. Your feelings can be rebuilt.
Could you answer some questions?
How many hours a week do you and your husband spend together, just the two doing things like talking, going for walks, dates (no tv or movies).. things where you can talk, hold hands, cuddle, etc?
How many times a week do you two have sex? How is your sex life (w/your husband)?
uffff.....I can answer but you wont like my answer. He is a truck driver (self- employed, he owns a semi-truck). Works Monday (sometimes leave house Sunday night) - Friday( sometimes comes home Saturday if he has a Saturday morning delivery). He is a workaholic. And is very ambitious to save up some money and buy us a house for cash.I work full time on Saturday (10am-6pm) and Sunday (10-5pm). So the time we have for ourselves is literally Sunday night. During the week I drive kids around for one wealthy family (afternoons) and go to school in the mornings. We do talk on the phone a lot an hour for sure often two or three a day...We do communicate. We also went for vacation in February(week) and we just came back from our country last week. I stayed 1 month, he joined me and stayed 2 weeks and we came back together. I have no one here in the States except him. He has his family here (dysfunctional but still a family). I'm starting to be nostalgic, I have no much friends here (my fault, I'm not extremely social person) and my husband is starting to be in a way not very interesting for me anymore. I think in case we had more time together I would be bored....I feel trapped.
we have sex on Sunday night. He initiates...I apsolutely have no wish, but he is extremely unhappy and sad if we have no intercourse so whatever ... I try to make him happy.
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Can an incomplete marriage ever satisfy? 
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