Need help/strength giving wife her space while we go through counseling
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Family, Marriage and Relationships »General Relationship Discussion » Need help/strength giving wife her space while we go through counseling

General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 07-20-2009, 02:07 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 4
Default Need help/strength giving wife her space while we go through counseling

My wife and I are in our second week of marriage counseling and I'm in need of help and strength to give her time and space that she needs while we go through this. I know I can't be telling her every hour how much I love her, miss her and want our lives back but it's hard to sit back and do nothing.
She is very angry at me and revealed in our last session that every time she sees me she wants to punch me in the face.

Great huh? I can't blame her, I was deceitful about a debt I had when we got married. Didn't want to face it or admit it so I did the cowardly thing of hiding it. She has never been able to get over it, it came to a head about a month ago when I said we needed to be husband and wife again and not roommates like we had turned into over the past two years. After our youngest child was born we began to drift apart.

She tried talking to me during that time, even suggested counseling but I thought everything was ok. Talk about being stubborn. If only I could turn back the clock. I am now saying and doing EVERYTHING she wanted me to say and do the past two years but she is now filled with this anger and hatred towards me that she wants nothing to do with it.

I love my wife and can't bear to think about not being able to kiss my kids goodnight every night. My wife is still here, still wears her wedding band and has stated that divorce is not an option. But I need some advice as to how to act during this period. Do I keep my mouth shut and hope that through time and counseling things may get better? I'm trying to be as strong as I can for myself and for our children but it gets so overwhelming at times.
shanny1441 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 07-20-2009, 02:26 PM   #2 (permalink)
GPR
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 473
Default Re: Need help/strength giving wife her space while we go through counseling

Best advice is to be distant, but available. Makes sense, huh?

Don't ask her questions, or the "how am I doing" stuff. Don't bring up any of your problems or concerns for the time being. But if she asks things of you, be there and be supportive and be open and honest. If in therapy, they'll get to your side eventually and she will bring it to you.

Be polite, give pleases and thank yous, and things like that, but don't be too gushy, etc.

Give her an "I love you" every once in a while, but don't make it too much. Give her compliments only in a situation in which it would be normal and appropriate to give. Too many compliments and weird times, especially in a situation like this, make the compliments seem empty. If she get's dressed up for something (work, going out, whatever) simply tell her she looks very pretty. Don't start telling her how pretty she is when she first wakes up in the morning with her eyes half shut and her hair all over the place.

But yeah, overall, just try to be normal for right now. Try sticking to what you would normally do. And let her come to you if she needs to.
GPR is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-20-2009, 02:26 PM   #3 (permalink)
Moderator
 
Amplexor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Temporary Resident of Earth Lord Only Knows Where Next
Posts: 5,571
Default Re: Need help/strength giving wife her space while we go through counseling

Read Dobson’s “Love Must be Tough” to help you with some aspects. It is normal to try and avow your love and dedication to her but it is falling on deaf ears. Actions speak louder than words so improve on the things you need to help heal the marriage. Don’t dote on her but be there for her if she needs to talk about things. If there isn’t anything new to talk about don’t rehash the same issues. A scratched scab can’t heal.

Been there, done that, it can get better.
__________________
Amp

Confidence Love Patience Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.

"Some of the greatest lessons life has taught me came from my darkest days in it" -Amp
Amplexor is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-20-2009, 02:34 PM   #4 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 4
Default Re: Need help/strength giving wife her space while we go through counseling

Thanks so much for the advice, I really appreciate it.
shanny1441 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
EA and giving each other space (while still living together) lovesdogs Coping with Infidelity 4 06-16-2011 12:03 PM
Giving Space and Time ODR Going Through Divorce or Separation 2 07-15-2010 09:21 AM
Giving her the space she needs ERR71 Going Through Divorce or Separation 7 05-09-2010 07:26 PM
Giving space...where do you find the balance? finallyseewhy Going Through Divorce or Separation 3 05-09-2010 04:17 PM
Giving her space is killing me kuyaeye Considering Divorce or Separation 3 06-27-2009 01:49 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:59 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.