Rant: hubby's mom is a leech - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 02-15-2013, 06:26 AM Thread Starter
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Rant: hubby's mom is a leech

Well, the other day we are texting each other and she asks me about a debt my hubby has; she wants to know how it is going with paying it back, I tell her he hasn't even paid half of it back and he should give his coworkers their money by may the latest.
She says she wishes she could help. She's hasn't worked for about 30 years, always depending on others.
I tell her don't worry, we will make it.
A few days later she texts him moaning about her phone that is broken and basically wanting him to pay for a new one, which he is more than willing to do.
She doesn't need a smartphone, all she does is texting and calling but she will get one.
What I wonder is this: she knows he has a debt to pay for and goes and asks him once again for money; every month we struggle but whenever his mom visits he is ready to give her money for everything (she spends money every two days on booze and cigarettes) not thinking about us and his plans of saving up.
I tend for example to go for unbranded items when possible to save money but she goes shopping and buys for example branded washing liquid and fabric softener, when I have a lot at my house already. Why go and squander money that's not hers like that? (because of course she goes shopping with my hubby's card)
She will text him and say: I know you have bills to pay and I don't like to ask, but could you spare a few bucks?
Is it reasonable to expect him not to provide for her when he has me to think of first and when his mother could get off her a@@ and earn the money she wants? I am forced to give up lots of things because he has to spare money for her

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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 02-15-2013, 03:13 PM
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Re: Rant: hubby's mom is a leech

A simple solution would be to discuss with your husband the idea of giving her a certain amount of money each month. And then agreeing together not to go over that amount.

Since his mother seems unable to budget appropriately, it might be best not to send her a check each month but to send her the amount she requests until she has reached the limit for that month. At that point her next request during that month the automatic and PRACTICED response is; "Gee Mom, I can help you out, but can't swing anything until next week (or whatever time is left in the month) I promise to send you some money then."

This will allow you feel a little more in control of the money she's being given, allow him to respond to his mother in the way that she has trained him, and avoid the topic of his irresponsible mother. A topic that is emotionally loaded and clearly he isn't ready to look at. This will also allow you to step out of the judgements and frustration you feel about her use of his money.

Also realize that you are blaming her for doing what she has always done and for not stopping her normal pattern of behavior. You cannot control other people, you can only set boundaries for yourself so their behavior doesn't affect you.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 02-15-2013, 03:21 PM
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Re: Rant: hubby's mom is a leech

What would you do if it were your mother?
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