Obsessed Neighbor
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Old 07-27-2009, 11:21 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Obsessed Neighbor

I have been married for a little over 10 years and over the last 2 years I began to have problems. My wife and I began to have issues in our marriage not long after we started spending time with our neighbors who also are married and in their 40ís. When we first started to spend time with them it was fun and they seemed like good people. At the time the only problem that I had with them was the fact that they drank a lot and had gotten us to drink with them as well. Mine and his friendship started to end when I found out that he began lying to me about a lot of things and he always needed me to do him favors and lend him all sorts of things. The real problem began when I realized that the man next door wanted more than a friendship with me and my wife. I suspected things back then but now have proof of what was going on. I got phone records for my wifeís phone and was very upset with what I found. This man would call my wife about 300 times a month; I also found a secret phone that he had purchased her so they could continue to communicate without me finding out. The phone records showed multiple instances of him calling my wife minute after minute, sometimes 10 calls in a row. He would call her many times while he was at work. I found text messages that he would send saying miss you, love you, and one that said ďcall me back on the private phone Iíll be at work so itís safe.Ē I really donít think his own wife knows what is going on. You would have to almost be blind not to realize your husband being obsessed with another woman, but she is a very simple person. With us being neighbors it is very easy for him to affect my life. He will drive by me and my boys on the road and give them the finger. He even crashed into my truck when I was at a stop sign while he was trying to recklessly drive past me. This causes me to fight with my wife in turn bringing my wife closer to him. I feel like other people that are involved in this situation should be enlightened. I want peopleís advice on a few things. Should I reveal to this manís boss that he is spending hours a day calling my wife while he should be working? Should I show the phone records to his wife? Also, what is wrong with this man? Is he obsessed with my wife or am I the only one who thinks that? Does he have some kind of mental problem?
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Old 07-27-2009, 11:30 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Obsessed Neighbor

Yes, show the records to your wife. Don't get angry, just be matter of fact. Don't fight. Let her know you love her but know about this and it will have to stop.
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Old 07-27-2009, 11:38 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Obsessed Neighbor

Move. the guy sounds crazy and you and your kids could be at risk. But also, where is your wife in all this? How much is she texting/calling him? Why does she even have the phone? Talk to her--maybe he has her scared to death. I know I would be if someone called/texted me like that.

Talk to the police, too, and start documenting the events with him. You may need a restraining order if you move and he seeks you out. Do NOT play his game, try to expose him at work, etc. You need to take this seriously, regardless of whether or not your wife is willingly or unwillingly involved. She may have been enjoying what she thought was a "harmless" flirtation (although I don't think there is any such thing) and it turned ugly on her, but she couldn't extricate herself. You need to know if he has threatened you and/or the kids to her. He may be controlling her that way. Regardless, you should act FAST to find out what's been going on and, even if your wife stalls, call the cops about the phones and texts. It is way too much, IMHO, for a healthy person to be doing.

Be prepared, though, for whatever your wife says. Remember, your marriage is a separate issue from the safety of you and your kids, and the driving recklessly crap, etc., MUST stop. Deal with the marriage issue later, once you are safely away from him.
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Old 07-27-2009, 11:43 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Obsessed Neighbor

Divorce, she is having a affair with him, she is to blame as much as him.

Tell his wife of the affair and divorce her and move and have her move out, she should make him move out as well.

Sorry

leave teh boss out of this, this is strictly personal
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Old 07-27-2009, 12:10 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Obsessed Neighbor

Yeah I think she is not that innocent in any of this. It is something for you to bring up to her just to see what she says. Next I would talk to his wife when he is not around. The only reason is that he could get way out of control with you or his wife. Make sure when you talk to her you bring everything you have with you & meet her in a place away from the homes. She will either admit to having an idea of this or be in for a shock. Next I would find a good lawyer for either a legal separation or divorce. Lastly get a restraining order put against the neighbor. That will protect you & your kids from him crossing the line. If he does then it will be jail for him.

I know you will get better advise from others on this bb so take everything in & you will know which way you want to go.
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Old 07-27-2009, 12:14 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I would get a good lawyer first, this is divorce worthy in my book, protect your kids.
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Old 07-27-2009, 02:21 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I would file a police report for harrassment and give the police all the records, not his emoplyer. I'd let the police handle it from there as they will go and arrest him.
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Old 07-27-2009, 02:49 PM   #8 (permalink)
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the police wouldn't arrest him.

Your wife is having an affair, no quams about it, dump them both and save your kids from this mess before it gets worse.

Yes tell his wife.
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Old 07-27-2009, 02:56 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Obsessed Neighbor

I just continue to be amazed at the lengths people will go to - would have never considered a "secret phone" - but it seems obvious now.

I would start documenting for the police. Does your phone have a camera? Use it.

And talk to your wife - he really could have her scared.
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Old 07-27-2009, 02:58 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Obsessed Neighbor

Quote:
Originally Posted by GAsoccerman View Post
the police wouldn't arrest him.

Your wife is having an affair, no quams about it, dump them both and save your kids from this mess before it gets worse.

Yes tell his wife.
If he is calling and calling that is harrasment and they will arrest him but in order to press charges, will need proof he is.
Phone records should take care of that.

Phone harrassment and excessive calls is harrasment.

I had a crazy neighbor one time.. bipolar or something and the only thing that stopped that neighbor from harassing me was the police. She was mad I worked a lot and had no time for her.
So, she started screaming, trying to get into my house. I vodeo taped her and showed the police and they arrested her for harrassment. Nothing is as irritating to people as having to pay legal fees and get arrersted, and most will stop when they see your serious in your not going to take their c r a p.

according to wilbert; Qoute:
I got phone records for my wife’s phone and was very upset with what I found. This man would call my wife about 300 times a month;
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Old 07-28-2009, 08:01 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Obsessed Neighbor

but Preso...he isn't harrassing willberts wife, he bought her a private cell phone to call her, she is accepting these calls in private.

AKA she is having an affair with him.

that isn't illegal.

what part of that don't you see, this guy is completely blind his wife has been screwing his neighbor for some time now.

Divorce her and move out with the boys.
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Old 07-28-2009, 08:37 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Obsessed Neighbor

Yep, kick her out. Get a divorce, get your kids out of there. Definately drop a copy of whatever records you have off with his wife.

OR, you could hire a private investigator...get a couple months of information. You might get lucky and get some proof about her endangering the kids during the affair. It would help with the custody battle.



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Old 07-28-2009, 08:43 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Obsessed Neighbor

They are having an affair....or WERE. Could be she ended it, and he has gone off the deep end about it, but since she still has the "private phone" it does not sound like its over. While it sounds like he may have a screw or two loose, it sure does not sound like she was rejecting him or his behavior.
What has the wife said about all of this?
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