no attention

James · 01-27-2008, 01:16 PM

My wife and I have been married for 15 years and basically i'm happy. The problem is that my wife doesnt know how to show her love in a physical way. Sex is always started by me unless she can tell I'm miffed because it's been so long. She never wants to just snuggle or anything even if it doesnt lead to sex. We have been to a counsellor 2 or 3 years ago and her and the counsellor both agree that she has a problem. Please dont think that I think I couldnt be part of the problem because I am open to any advice. My wife was sexually abused by her father(a minister) from age 6 until she left or college. So I have been very understanding and open for anything I should do. I am just trying to do the right thing but I feel lonely and unloved. I have written my feelings to my wife and have expressed these in words but have not succeeded in getting results. We have a wonderful 11 year old daughter whom I love greatly. Without sounding jealous (which I am honestly not) I can say that my wife has all she needs in our daughter. She would rather sleep with her, etc. I am told that I look younger than my age and I exercise and try to stay fit and attractive but nothing seems to help. Sorry if Im rambling but it is a huge problem for me and I need advice. Thanks.....James

draconis · 01-27-2008, 08:39 PM

First considering her back ground it may always be hard for her because she doesn't see sex as a beautiful thing. She missed the first rule of fixing a relationship which is fix yourself first.

However I do have a suggestion. Make everything a physical contact. Before you go to work give her a kiss or better several. When she is doing dishes give her a hug, thank her and help. Go for regular walks with her or shopping and hold her hand.

draconis

sarahdale24 · 02-03-2008, 04:17 AM

Its great that you are being understanding about her past. That has to be a very difficult thing to go through...I agree show her that you love her no matter what even if sex isn't involved...let her know your ready when she is. You knew this past problem b4 you married right? Sadly it will take alot on your part, the best thing you can do is help her feel confident with herself!