Help!

mirsav · 01-28-2008, 05:18 PM

My OH and I have been married now for 11 years. We married against the wishes of my family and he has ever since not felt accepted by my family.

The problem lies in that my husband is constantly insecure and jealous. He does not believe our relationship has worked for this long and feels a need to every now and again try to control me by flying into rages and telling me what to wear and being suspicious about any activity I need to go to that is not in normal working hours. Yesterday I wanted to go and see a play at the school I teach to show support to the students and he thought that I could not wait to get out of the house to be away from him and the children. He said I did not care about them and that I wished I wasn’t married to him.
He accused me of gallivanting and making excuses to get away from him. He works long hours and he mentioned that he works much harder than I do at my job and that I dress much too skimpily according to him. I recently lost some weight and am trying to keep healthy and I don’t believe I dress skimpily I have gained some confidence and want to show it in how I dress. I do not flirt with anyone and have never considered cheating on my husband. But he has this ongoing mistrust in me for years on stemming from the fact that his best friend tried to go out with me in a period when he and I were not together. I did not encourage his friend at all yet he has this continuous insecurity and possessiveness.

What should I do, I love him and I feel sometimes he is just stressed out at work and the long hours and needs to vent and that is why he goes into these rages. But I’m finding it harder and harder to forgive him every time we make up. We’ve been together for years and we have two beautiful boys. I am absolutely shattered after one of our rows and its usually about the same thing. Every time we make it up I pray that it was the final time we fight. HELP!

draconis · 01-28-2008, 06:32 PM

Your husband need professional help. Anytime there is verbal abuse or as you say rage there is a problem. The bigger picture is this is his problem and not yours. He needs to grow up, but I would not expect it from him.

draconis

sarahdale24 · 02-03-2008, 04:07 AM

he is controlling you...and I would not take that! I agree he needs to grow up, and YOU can't help him, only he can help him. Seperation may be the anwser to clear your heads.

Kudos on the weight loss, be proud of yourself and show it!