New on the board and need help...
Good morning all.
I found this website searching for help in my marriage. I hope I can find it here. I will try to be short but can’t promise.
I have been married almost 7 years. We both married young; 24 years old. Our fist years were great. He was studying and I was working. We moved quite a lot around the country but we loved it. 4 years ago we settled in a brand new city and wanted to start thinking about family. I found a job right away but he was struggling. He hoped to find something in his field (he is musician) but nothing happened.
To cut if short in the 4 years we have lived here he had 2 jobs 7 months each. In the mean time he had time to record an album and travel around the country for his music. We were fortunate enough that I make enough so we never had to worry. But I always pushed him to find something since we could save all of the extra income but he always had excuses. So after a while and a lot of fighting on that topic I gave up and realized that he does not want to work.
But now all that changed. We had a baby 6 months ago. I went back to work and he stayed at home since there was no job for him to go back to. I thought that was going to be great since out baby is fortunate enough to stay with a parent at home. Unfortunately I was really wrong. He started to be mad at the world because he couldn’t do anything anymore and I started to be mad at him for being that way. I would work 9-10 hours and come home to find him playing with the baby and my house in a complete chaos. He wouldn’t even wash the dishes. It was expected from me to do all the work. So basically after I would come home he would give me the baby with the words “I am really tired” and I would have to clean, watch the baby, and make dinner. After couple of weeks I tried reasoning with him that I can’t do it anymore. That I am also tired that he needs to help me but he only said that he is taking care of the baby and that is enough of work. We started fighting a lot. I became very miserable and tired person. And on top of that, with me being on maternity leave for 3 months, our money was getting tight.
Now 6 months after our baby was born we are fighting constantly or we don’t speak to each other at all. I still work and clean and do all house work when I come home while he watches the baby during the day. Sometimes I come home and he didn’t even wash the baby’s bottles. I am begging him to find a job since we are in a lot of debt ($20000) but he still thinks that him looking after the baby is work enough.
When we fight we throws me words like “if you don’t like it get divorced” but I really don’t want to do that. I have never wanted to raise a child separated or divorced. He started to be very aggressive when we fight. He throws thing, breaks things.
I don’t want to say I am innocent in all of this, I am not. I am still miserable and depressed. I don’t see a future living like this. I can’t live from paycheck to paycheck with a little baby. I am afraid that something is going to happen and we won’t have money to cover for it. Our CC are maxed out and sometimes we are even late on our mortgage payments. And he still does not see a reason to look for a job.
Please I hope that you can help me figure out what I should do. Is divorce the only option here?
I am really at the end of the rope and I am sinking even deeper.
Thank you very much.