Not gonna sugar-coat it: you fvcked up BIG TIME...and YOU KNOW IT.
1.) She is 100% right when she says that if you truly cared, you would have turned this problem around YEARS ago. You didn't want to. You were MORE COMFORTABLE being your easy-going LYING self, than taking yourself in-hand, manning up, and fixing YOUR problem. She's angry, and I don't blame her. She's FED UP, and I don't blame her.
2.) You need to acknowledge that IT MAY, in fact, BE TOO LATE to save your marriage! You can kick and scream and fight against it ALL YOU WANT, but YOU ALONE cannot turn this marriage around. You've driven her to the point of divorce and NOW you're sorry! Sometimes 'I'm sorry' isn't enough. Sometimes 'I'm REALLY GONNA TRY THIS TIME' isn't enough. Sometimes 'I really MEAN IT.' is too late. Is it too late for THIS marriage? Only time will tell.
3.) Never mind Marriage Counseling! In my HUMBLE opinion, *THIS* isn't a 'marriage' problem; this is a "PLUMBOLT" problem. And PLUMBOLT, himself, needs to FIX IT. By HIMSELF. With INDIVIDUALIZED COUNSELING to get to the CORE ROOT of *WHY* you are so afraid of admitting your faults/weaknesses to your partner; why you'd rather LIE than say..."this is me, I'm not perfect, but I trust YOU and TOGETHER WE
can achieve a great life!"
4.) Tell your wife that YOU UNDERSTAND that you have pushed her beyond her limits. Tell your wife that YOU UNDERSTAND that she gave you CLEAR BOUNDARIES and that you overstepped them, again. Tell your wife that you TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY for disappointing her again; that you're disappointed in YOURSELF and that you are FIXING THE PROBLEM with yourself. Show her the counselor you have lined up for IC (when you interview one over the phone, explain that you LIE COMPULSIVELY). Tell her that you are determined to FIX this SERIOUS CHARACTER FLAW in yourself. Tell her that you understand that she doesn't believe you, and that you understand she SHOULDN'T believe your words. Tell her that you will SHOW HER you understand, you are taking it seriously, you are addressing the problem, and that you take FULL RESPONSIBILITY for ALL THE LYING you've done. You will SHOW HER by FAITHFULLY showing up for counseling EVERY WEEK. You will SHOW HER by DOING ALL THE WORK the counselor assigns with an open mind AND a willing spirit. You will SHOW HER by doing this for a minimum of 6 months UNLESS YOUR COUNSELOR tells you earlier that YOU have a handle on your problem. Tell her she SHOULD NOT believe your words, but she should believe your actions!
5.) If your wife wants to separate/divorce, then ACKNOWLEDGE that you understand her position (and God help you, I hope you REALLY DO understand her position...your initial post indicates you do). Tell her that REGARDLESS of whether you two divorce, you are going to fix this problem of yours because YOU want to be a better man, SHE DESERVES a better man, and both of you will have a better future (alone or together) when YOU become a better person who doesn't LIE and take the easy way out!
The reality is that a divorce will take a minimum of 6 months no matter WHERE you live! During that time, you will have the opportunity to show your wife REPEATEDLY the man YOU ARE BECOMING. Man-up NOW while you still have a chance.
- Are you physically in shape? If not, GET BUSY. If you can't afford a gym, buy a bike or go running. No excuses, get healthy!
- Do you do YOUR SHARE around the house? If you don't know *how* to run the washer/dryer, how to clean, etc. then ASK YOUR MOM or FIGURE IT OUT! IF you haven't been upholding your 1/2 of the tasks and you both work outside the home, then YOU'VE BEEN LAZY and a non-contributing partner!
- Do you have an addiction to tv/videos/games/whatever? Get your nose out of whatever and LIVE YOUR LIFE!
- Did your wife have other LEGITIMATE complaints about you? Then get busy and FIX YOURSELF.
You have a golden opportunity (and all the incentive in the world) to turn your life around and BE THE MAN YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE! Be a man YOU admire. Be a man SHE can admire. Get off your ass, quit being comfortable, shake up your life and DO WHATEVER YOU NEED TO DO to get your life in 'success' mode!
Good luck! Hang tough! Keep coming and posting on THIS EXACT thread (it makes it easier for people to find you, understand your backstory, and keep the chronology/progress of your story straight).
I'd LOVE to see you make one HELLUVA SUCCESS out of yourself (not monetarily...emotionally!) and this marriage.
GO DO IT. Do something CONSTRUCTIVE EVERY DAY (whether it's physical exercising, working your therapist's exercises, learning a new skill, etc.)
GO! Go! Go! Do! Do! Do!