In the early years of my marriage my wife and I fought constantly (though never physically like you two - that has to STOP and NEVER be an option - period
), and we finally reached a point out of frustration where I took a job on the road selling for 6 months. I felt I had to do something because we'd already gone through 3 marriage counselors during the past 2 years and the last one recommended we get a divorce (thanks a lot).
Anyway, because every conversation deteriorated to an argument I felt we were stuck in a cycle we didn't know how to get out of. So I wanted "space" between us to try to re-establish a friendship and try to go from there.
Well it worked, but not without a lot of patience and prayer. The first couple months my wife was rather distant because she felt abandoned. Then, after she saw I continued to send her money and support her, plus I continued interacting with our kids with frequent phone calls, she began to see I really was trying and began to trust I'd really meant it when I said I wanted to work things out and had only taken that job to give us enough space to try to become friends again and see what developed from there. It was the last couple months when I started "courting" her again with daily cards or gifts in the mail and other surprises. We actually got back together on our anniversary that year. (Year 10, we're now 2 and a half months away from our 32nd year anniv.)
You have to understand, I've always loved my wife - even during the very worst of times. We just didn't know how to resolve our conflicts. It was so frustrating to be so angry with each other all the time, and for every conversation to end up with misunderstandings and disagreements.
There are so many principles involved in having a good marriage. The first is making a commitment. Without a firm commitment a marriage will not make it through the tough times. The second principle is communication - really hearing
each other (instead of talking and trying to be
heard) and understanding how the other feels and why. The third is compromise. If you're not willing to compromise with each other you'll only have power struggles between you where one is always the winner and the other a loser. Not the recipe for a good relationship. Here's a nice little ebook
that can help you master the 3 principles I just outlined.
I wish you all the best in working things out and hope you can glean a few ideas from our story. All I can say is each year together gets better because we've learned how to give each other space and accept our differences. And to think we almost didn't make it.