How do I get over all the lies?
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Old 03-26-2013, 07:13 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default How do I get over all the lies?

I am going through a breakup of over 5 year relationship and I keep involuntarily going through all the lies in my head. Literally hundreds. If you had asked me what I valued the most in a relationship, it would've hands down been honesty.

I feel like a total fool, I feel disgusted with myself and the entire situation, I feel jaded and angry. I don't want to be angry.

I am happy to be rid of that slime ball but I cant get over the...nerve...she had to lie so pathologically, the utter lack of conscience, the excuses I know she has in her head for why she lied.

I cant stand living under this dark cloud. I feel so good about myself now until I think back on yet another lie and think ugh omg wtf seriously??
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Old 03-26-2013, 07:24 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I get over all the lies?

There was something wrong with her. You knew it all along and it got worse. You tried to adjust, compensate, placate, fix, ect....... and nothing ever worked because you weren't a professional to understand it.

SHE IS BROKE AND IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!!

Now read this so it won't happen to you again.

https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glo...r_Nice_Guy.pdf

BTW, You're going to be fine. Did you start putting yourself out there?
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Last edited by anchorwatch; 03-26-2013 at 07:41 PM.
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Old 03-26-2013, 07:34 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I get over all the lies?

Basically, you have to start seeing her as the sick broken person she is, understanding and having empathy for her twisted development doesn't absolve her guilt, or mean you forgive, but it helps!
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Old 03-26-2013, 08:10 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I get over all the lies?

It's amazing how clearly we can see once we remove the "love goggles".

Don't beat yourself up over it anymore. You are on the right path now.

Focus on your art, focus on healing, focus on meeting new people. Great things are in your future if you are open to receiving them.
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Old 03-26-2013, 11:42 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I get over all the lies?

Good to hear from you again, a4h.

Those flashbacks of the lies and the anger over the betrayal will eventually wither away and die, believe me-I've been up that river myself at one time.

Do as others say: work on your art, work on you, and make yourself the man that you were meant to be-not the man she "turned" you into. Seek out professional counseling to help you through it. Look in the mirror every day when you get up and every night before you turn in. Say to the man that you see in there: "I refuse to be her ex-boyfriend for the rest of my life. I AM (insert your name here) !"

Again; don't give up! You have way too much to offer this world to let that skank define your future.
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Old 03-27-2013, 01:58 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I get over all the lies?

Hi thank you for the no more mr nice guy, I had it in my home and hadn't read it yet, its helping me a lot. Read most of it today. I am textbook. I find I am now sacrificing my needs for the needs of my pets, the only ones left in my life, and sometimes my roommate. I keep giving her gifts and I spend all day stressing out about if my dogs are getting enough exercise, making them homecooked dog friendly meals, grooming them, shopping for them, etc. I feel sick to my stomach when I leave them alone and they give me that devastating stare and sometimes will cancel the gym just for that reason.

So today after reading a bit, I went to the gym, originally racked with guilt and having a lousy time. Then I got over it and came home in a great mood and was able to take them on a 45 minute walk. If I had stayed home "for them" I would've been depressed and solemn and not taken them on such a long fun walk.

So I am now starting the putting me first....tho its hard not to scoff. Ive recently made purchases for my appearance, trendy sunglasses, fancy hair gel, stuff like that and I find myself feeling like a shallow ******* for doing it.

Like if I put jeans on I think "wow look at high and mighty over here thinks he is too good for his pajama pants. Who is HE tryin to impress??"

and I revert to the book. I got it bad guys


Am I getting myself out there? yes, I am I have a date later this week that seems promising thus far. I also changed my dating profile online to be less about what I have to offer and more about what I want in someone and being direct and honest, and the responses are already way up and the girls who reply dig that I know what I want. I had to fight past the "u stuck up jerk, how dare u have certain standards, no one is going to like you and theyre all going to think youre a total snob" dialogue in my head
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Old 03-27-2013, 02:04 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I get over all the lies?

question, on the date its going to be hard, and by hard I mean downright soul crushingly painful, to not pay for it. I am doing the program which says don't give anything to anyone, so...how do I do that?

I don't want the girl to think im cheap bc its quite the opposite that is my problem. Tips?
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Old 03-27-2013, 04:35 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I get over all the lies?

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Originally Posted by all4her View Post
question, on the date its going to be hard, and by hard I mean downright soul crushingly painful, to not pay for it. I am doing the program which says don't give anything to anyone, so...how do I do that?

I don't want the girl to think im cheap bc its quite the opposite that is my problem. Tips?
What kind of program is this? And perhaps you're not in a position to start dating... I can't imagine going on a first date and not being prepared to pay for my date's meal or whatever...

One option is to find something free to do, like go for a walk in a park or something. But sooner or later, I would expect there to be a conflict.

C
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