Husband-Female Coworker/Friend Help
My husband works with an attractive female who I have met a number of times. We've gone out together before as part of a group and I know her quite well. To be honest, I'm not her biggest fan - she's married but likes to flirt excessively with other, often younger, guys (she's in her 30s, they're usually in their early 20s). She'll even go so far as to lie about the fact that she's married when talking to these guys. Nothing ever happens (I know, I usually end up driving her home), but it bothers me that she behaves this way, even if it's not with my husband (then again, I'm always around at these group outings). However, a couple of weeks ago, we all went out and my husband ended up VERY drunk and texted her to make sure she got home. During this text conversation, he told her she looked good that night, then that she looked hot. Her response - "that's why your my work husband!" I found this text the next day as I was on his phone for another purpose - wasn't looking for it. We had an argument about it - well, I yelled, and he apologized profusely, telling me that he didn't even remember it he had been so drunk.
After coming across that message, though, I decided to look a little bit further at his texts and our phone records and I found that they had been texting on a daily basis for quite some time. Now, these messages are not inappropriate - in fact, the "you looked hot" was the worst thing said by far. Most of them focus on the gym, if they worked out that day, or some other small detail and are usually only one or two back and forth. However, knowing that she's the type of person she is (flirtatious), it's very difficult for me to accept even these texts. I've talked to him about it for the past few weeks and he admits the one text was inappropriate and knows why it hurts me. However, he won't stop texting her because he believes the rest aren't inappropriate and she's his closest friend and doesn't want to ruin that friendship (he has his own issues with insecurity and, to be honest, he does not have many close friends). While I don't want to cause him pain and cost him a friend, I also can't accept that that's more important than our marriage. Am I wrong for this? Am I reading too much into their friendship? To his credit, he has been very honest about the whole thing and shows me all the messages that are sent. I'm just not sure that I can accept his best friend being this person who obviously does not respect her own marriage and who he feels so strongly about (obviously, since he won't stop the texting).
I apologize for the somewhat rambling format of my post, but any advice or comments are appreciated!