Counseling - I don't know 100% if my wife is committed to this marriage. The counseling would be for her sake, to find out what is "blocking" her from her emotions to me.
There are usually two reasons for wives to fall out of love with their husbands. The first reason is that they're focusing on other men. The second reason is that their husbands have become less attractive. That usually means not enough alpha behaviors.
It may be something else, but my money is on one, or both, of those reasons.
And, if no other man is involved, don't expect your wife to be able to articulate her reasons for wanting to leave you. Most women truly believe the hype about just needing a husband that is more sensitive, helps more around the house, etc. But the harsh reality is that doing laundry is appreciated, but not attractive. And doing even more laundry will only result in more appreciation, and never any attraction.
Here is a good post from Dalrock on how he changed his behavior and his wife finally felt loved. She felt unloved. | Dalrock
I am still not sure about dropping the help. Yes, I agree I don't want to be a Nanny BUT, dropping everything I usually do (housework, laundry, etc.) will make things crazy. Maybe I drop some of it, and keep doing other things.
That is reasonable. You want to make sure that you each contribute to the marriage in comparable amounts. If she is spending 50 hours a week on her job and childcare/housework, but you're spending 80 hours a week on your job and domestic duties, then you're out of balance. So you should cut back.
Athol had a good post about hooker math. Good Beta, Betaized, Butler and Hooker Math | Married Man Sex Life
And I wouldn't count her degree work as a family contribution. If she were planning to use the increased money to contribute to the family, then yes. However, she has stated that she plans to ditch you once she finishes her degree. So the degree is strictly for her benefit alone.
Unbelievable (in another reply) stated Did you promise to love her only on the days she was lovable? Your duty as husband isn't contingent on her performance. Be the best husband and partner you know how to be. I tend to agree with him. I'm not going to be a pushover, but will continue to love her and be a good husband. I'd love your thoughts again. Thanks. GH
First, you can't "nice" a woman into being attracted to you. Over at the MMSL link I posted, Athol Kay uses two broad categories of behavior. Alpha behaviors are attractive. These are earning a good salary, being in shape, dressing well, being assertive, etc. Beta behaviors are comforting. These include helping around the house, being a steady provider, being a good father, supporting your wife in her endeavors, etc.
So, women like a balance. Beta behaviors can be vital to the success of a marriage, as long as you have that alpha edge. If you are too beta with too little alpha, then you are the nanny. This seems to be how your wife sees you. And it is impossible to fix a lack of alpha by ramping up your beta.
Now, if your marriage were going through a 4-week, or even a 4-month funk that promised to be temporary, then I would say to just love her more and power through it. But that's not your situation. Your marriage has been in a 4-year funk. And you wife has told you that she plans to move on without you when she has finished bettering herself.
So, starting four years ago, your wife's 5-year plan seems to have been to work hard, earn a degree, let you be the nanny and do the hard work on the domestic front while she was busy improving her earning potential, then ditch you and hook up with Mr. Plan A. That sounds like a great plan for her. But it's a lousy plan for you. And the way you deal with that is not to reinforce her view of you as Plan B. If she really wants to ditch you, then she can do her own damned laundry and make her own damned breakfast. And she can be the childcare for you when you're out with your friends doing fun and exciting things.