kaitchu

Hi everybody!
I'm Kai 20 years old, living in Finland.
I don't drink neither smoke
Never dated or even kissed
Going to write my "story" just to let it out of my system. If anyone got same kind of experiences I would be happy to hear. You can tell me what you think if you want (all comments are welcome). Are you ready to start reading?

I met this girl on the Internet. She is from Thailand. She is 25 years old. We have been chatting with each other about 7 months now (at yahoo messenger). We both got webcams, so we know what the other person looks like. We chat allmost everyday and we have also sent some letters to each other. This all began at one dating site. I wasn't looking anything serious then just one day she sent me a message at the yahoo messenger. First time I saw her at webcam, I felt something. I didn't realize it then but now when I think it...it was something special. We just began talking all kinds of things and it just went deeper. Then we got about 5 weeks pause (without seeing each other) because she was moving. That time I noticed that I was thinking of her a lot. I made a couple of videos for her (with my digital camera) where I was telling her how I feel. Then she told me that she has been thinking of me too. I also remember that she used the word love much earlier than I. I have never said the words: I love you, to anyone (because never felt even close to this feeling). Then I sent my first letter to her (if I remember correctly it was October). It content was: 1 hand write letter, 1 picture of me and 1 half heart (I got the other half) the heart got text: I love you, then our initials). Also on October was my birthday and she did birthday card for me. When she got my letter she was so happy (I just love to see her smile and her eyes...something magic).

Then came December she had a birthday, so I sent her letter. She also sent me one. Days went by we chatted and I realized how much I really care for her. Couple of times have been crying when listening some love songs because immediately my thoughts are in her. I get her mail at the end of December. She had been talking about sending her T-shirt to me with his "smell" (as she told me). When I got it, I was pretty surprised because it wasn't "smell" it was scent (and very good scent too). Then the year changed. I sent my T-shirt to her + letter. I also called to her for the very first time. She was so surprised and I was so nervous (as usual). I record our phone call and now that I have been listened it couple of times I like her voice. At first I was surprised because I thought she would have different kind of voice. Maybe it's because of accent but my English isn't so good (my spoken English is so terrible). So that is also one of the "fears" that I have. Because we both got different languages and sometimes we don't understand each other. Now we have been chatting almost 7 months. I know our feelings are real and so strong. Of course you don't know other person that well by meeting on the Internet.

That leads to my biggest problem. I'm unemployed and got very little money (and living with my parents). So I can't travel (I don't even have to courage to travel but no money also). She has job but the pay isn't that high. She works hard and try to save money to travel here. In December she told me that if I could wait. Then I asked her what she meant. She talked something about 3 years and saving money. She also live on her own. I just feel myself so kid, not an adult at all. Still I know that this is something special because she is so sweet,funny,pretty and I can talk with her about...well everything. Sometimes I'm mad to myself to fall in love with her (and that she have fallen love with me) because I'm afraid that I can't offer her what she deserves. I have told her that also and she said that she doesn't care about my money or anything else like that. She just care about me. I believe her and I have also saw her emotions through webcam. This all just feel so wonderful even though our distance is long. No one can't predict the future but I try to live day by day. Maybe one day we will meet...Time will tell.

If you read all that, thank you and have a nice day.

draconis

Being 20 the best thing I could say if you are not in college is to get a job at this point any job until something you want comes along.

Best of luck to you.

draconis

kaitchu

Once upon a time there were two pandas. One from Europe (the Nordic to be little more accurate) and one from Asia (South East Asia to be little more accurate).
The Nordic panda was different than all the other pandas in that area. He liked to be alone (he was shy and quiet). He liked to just eat and sleep.
He wasn't happy even though he liked his boring lifestyle. Other pandas didn't mind him and he didn't mind or cared other pandas (expect his friends and family).
In other side of the world the second panda was living her life. Lots of pandas around her and her life was so much different than the Nordic panda.
These two pandas didn't know about each other and both lived their life on their own way.

Then one day the wind was blowing differently. It bringed different kind of air.
The wind was whispering. In that whisper the Nordic panda felt something. He decided that he should answer the wind calling. So he whispered and hope that someone would hear his voice.
Other side of the world the second panda heard the wind calling. He decided to answer it.
The wind was moving around the world...

...But somehow it found the Nordic panda. He felt something but couldn't believe it. He whispered back to the wind and hoped that the same kind of wind would come back.
That same second panda heard it and whispered back to wind and hoped that it would deliver her message to someone who was out there.
One of many choises the wind decided to come back to the Nordic panda. He was surprised and little bit of cautious but whispered back.
The South East Asia panda get the message and so it started.

The whispers turn into talk and day by day more sweeter. South East Asia panda was more into it but also quite busy. The Nordic panda began to like it and this was his first time.
All around them the world was different but they felt something. The Nordic panda was more of an thinker and tried to take things easily.
But even he wasn't able to resist the feeling what the other panda had awaken in him. It was something like never before.
He didin't want to admit at first but then he realized it... It was love.
As crazy as it sounds the panda was fallen in love for the very first time.

Months passed and the feelings growed more and more stronger. The Nordic panda couldn't get the second panda out of his mind. He saw her in every different panda.
Every day when he looked up to the sky and watched the clouds. When he was watching the clouds he formed image of the second panda from them.
Every night when he looked up and watched the stars. He was watching the stars and formed the picture of the second panda.
Somedays the wind took little bit longer to reach the other panda. But even with couple of days silence they still didn't forget each other.
They couldn't see each other but they felt something very special...

...The Nordic panda thought the possibilities. He thought and thought all day long. He wanted to stay positive but the reality was little bit different.
He told his feelings to the second panda. She didn't want to think about it. She just wanted to live on the moment and worry later.
The Nordic panda was so different and thought all the things that could go wrong. He would wanted to live at the moment also but his brain thought the realist things.
He tried to live day by day but the feeling was so strong. He wished every day that maybe someday he could see that second panda.
But what if he would see the second panda. Would they feel the connection between them also in real or would it be just an imagination.
The Nordic panda just got one thought... What if...


Part 2 (Two roads)

Road 1:

Wind was still moving their messages. One day the Nordic panda just wanted to let go. Not because of his sake but because of her.
So he told to the wind that he wanted to let go because he loved her so much and only way he knew that she would be happy.
The other panda didn't want to believe it. Next time wind delivered the message to the Nordic panda he just ingnored it.
Everyday second panda tried and tried but no answer. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months.
Soon she forgot the Nordic panda. Her heart was broken but she found someone much better. They loved each other and raised a family together.
But she didn't know that the Nordic panda couldn't forget her. He just thought her everyday and night.
Slowly he began to die. He still couldn't get her out of his mind. He felt that his last moments were at hand. He took a deep breath, opened his eyes wide open.
Then he watched straight ahead...what did he saw? He saw the love of his life front of him and thanked the feeling that she bringed.
He close his eyes and let his breath out. He didn't felt any pain...just happines. So he went to eternal sleep...somewhere better place.

Road 2:

Months went by. Then the magic day comed. The other panda got transfer to the Nordic. After the Nordic panda heard this, he was so excited.
It only took couple of days and then she was there. He was so nervous but also happy. When the day finally came and he saw her. It was something special.
He didn't know what to say or what to do. But luckily the other panda did. Very first moment they saw each other they knew it.
The Nordic panda saw that special look in her eyes for the very first time in real. He had some dreams about it but even the dreams weren't half the truth.
Days passed and they felt more and more love towards each other. Time flew so fast. All what they were dreaming becomed in real.
Soon they started family of their own. As the saying goes: They live happily ever after.