woe_is_me

i'm getting ready to go meet the chaplain to talk about my situation with me and my husband. i'm an emotional type of person and just addressing why i need to talk to him over the phone made me wheepy. yes i can say my husband has been going behind my back to talk to people and before we got married he had responded to craigslist personal ads, but typing it is easier than saying it out loud. i dont know how i can go through our meeting without me being a hot mess. what do i do? i love how people on here are helpful with my situation but for some reason i feel dumb about talking to someone in person about this. especially to the chaplain, even though i know he is there to help people.

Leahdorus

I know what you mean. In the thick of things with my marriage, when things were at their worst, anytime I'd talk about it with friends, coworkers, etc, I would start crying. It's ok to show your emotions. The chaplain will understand - and if he doesn't, find someone else to talk to! But really, it's ok if you get weepy or choked up. Just take your time, take a packet of tissues with you, and make sure you don't have anywhere urgent to be for an hour or so after you are done. I bet you will feel so much better after talkiing to someone in person. And the more you talk aloud about things, the easier it gets. Good luck!

woe_is_me

thanks. i just feel like i'm second guessing myself now about everything. after talking to the chaplain i'm afraid to find out that it's actually me that's the problem. i guess it's easier to talk to people who don't know my husband about what i'm going through. the chaplain knows him so i feel weird talking about our problems to him. i think as the clock gets closer i'm just gonna become a bigger mess than i am now. it's the lack of sleep lol. i didnt get any sleep last night; i spent the whole night crying since i was so hurt

Blanca

when i go to counseling i find myself avoiding the topic of my marriage. i hadnt really realized it but after reading your post i realized that i feel the same; i dont want to break down in front of the counselor. and its kind of embarrassing for me, too. so i feel your anxiety.

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preso

This is why people often go to a counselor, not their church for counseling....

woe_is_me

well we talked for an hour about what was going on and what i wanted to do. i did end up crying at one point when i mentioned a few things that had happened. i put myself together though so i didn't seem like an emotional thing. lol he did end up siding with me on the pen pal issue which makes me glad to know i wasn't overreacting. when the husband gets home it will be his turn to meet one on one, then we will both go in. we are going to be going to a family retreat coming up then a couples retreat which sounds a lot better to me than counseling. when we are done talking to the chaplain we will be looking for a counselor. the chaplain said to watch out because some counselors tend to lean toward divorce as the solution most of the time. he said we should find one of faith and to also start going to church.

IJustDontKnow

It is good you are talking to someone, and chaplains are trained very well because divorce rates are so high in the military right now (I'm assuming military based on the use of the word chaplain and "when my husband comes home").

I have my own relationship issues and things may or may not work out between myself and my wife. I'd just like to caution that if you haven't already, tell your husband you went and spoke with someone and arranged these things. Being in the military myself, if I returned home and my wife had scheduled mandatory meetings and retreats (and they are mandatory once the chain of command is notified, make no mistake), it would make me extremely angry, enough to walk out on her at least for a few hours if not days, and I think most other soldiers as well. Not because of the problems, but because they've just been somewhere where pretty much every moment is governed by a pretty rigorous schedule of where to be, what to be doing, and how to do it. Getting back home is like getting back to freedom.

Anyway, discard all of that if it doesn't apply.

preso

Maybe you can go to your doctor and get some medication to even out your moods before starting to work on your problems.

woe_is_me

he is only in the field right now and luckily has reception where he's at. when i told him i was leaving him and wanted a divorce he was really into talking to the chaplain. he actually called him as well after i made my appointment so he can get an appointment to talk to him when he gets back. he tried talking to his higher ups to let him come home to work things out because we were both sure i was going to leave before he returned. they wanted to wait til after i met with the chaplain to see what to do. he really seems into talking to the chaplain and going on the retreats and counseling to work on our marriage. it's just getting his command to let him go since they are on their workup cycle to deploy(he isn't deploying but they still want everyone to participate in the field ops).

i really hope he means it when he said he is into working things out. i've heard this before but he never followed through. now that his chaplain and higher ups know maybe it will give him a little push to actually get things going. i really hope he is doing this to actually better our marriage and not just the fear of losing his first child.