There's other types of sex besides the one where you enter her.
You could also try anal and if that doesn't work then she at least can pleasure you orally and you could do the same for her.
If she declines that, well then it's probably safe to assume the "pain" is just an excuse.
At the risk of sounding feminist (which I am certainly not):
A woman who doesn't want to give oral or anal MUST be using pain as an excuse if she's saying vaginal is painful? Some women have moral or other boundaries which prevent them from giving oral or anal sex. I don't think this is a safe assumption at all, unless the wife has previously been excited about oral or anal sex.
My two cents for F-102: Talk to your wife - but I don't mean you should just talk about how you feel and how you miss sex. I think that can end up in the "same old" category, and any previous arguments can end up resurfacing if you reenter the same territory.
Try talking about her. Ask her what's exciting, and if she masturbates, and how she's been feeling. Tell her you want to make her feel good. If you make it about her, it's not only more romantic; it also indicates that you're taking her needs into consideration (over your own).
You can also try doing some more physical romantic things without sex - like kissing and hugging, and snuggling. If you're more physically affectionate, it's possible it could make her more likely to think of initiating sex herself.
Another idea might be to try the romantic evening thing. But, instead of dinner and roses, you can try to spark something different - like events you would have gone to when younger, or something else nostalgic. Something that would be fun to do again, or something that would be fun to try, which you wouldn't normally do.
I think people tend to want sex less when they're either stressed/anxious or depressed (and sometimes people seem like they're quite calm when they're not). It's possible this is true in your wife's case.
I've been with someone who had a much lower sex drive than me, and I know it was exacerbated by 1) their stress and 2) my frequent attempts at initiation. With that person, it helped to back off, which gave him a chance to initiate eventually. I still didn't get a lot, but I got more than when I was trying to initiate and he was pushing back, as it were. Stress is a bit tougher... but if you work towards remedying any causes of stress or depression, that can go a long ways towards a better sex life as well. Also: Lube.
Lube is good stuff.