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Old 04-24-2013, 08:47 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it ok for husbands to watch porn magazines?

My thoughts (as a guy who watched porn)... If he truly has an addiction, he needs to actively seek help to deal with it. But I'd say the vast majority of guys who claim to have a porn addiction just use it as an excuse for their actions. "It's not my fault I watch porn; I have an addiction".

So the real question is, what is he willing to do to overcome this? Trade in his smart phone for an old-school cell? Give up Internet access? See a counselor?

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Old 04-24-2013, 09:26 AM   #32 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Cosmos View Post
Most addictions are potentially damaging, and if your H thinks he's addicted to porn he needs help with it. If it's an addiction (as opposed to a habit), over time it might have the tendency to escalate and impact on your physical intimacy. You're not OK with porn, so it's unlikely that you're going to be "cool with it," so you both need to tackle the issue sooner rather than later.
I see no distinction between an "addiction" and a "habit". A habit is simply an addiction that is being labeled as a habit. Things that are pleasurable are "habit forming", or "addicting".

The problem I've found with porn (I'm a guy who has been addicted) is that it is like many other addictions in that to get the same "rush" from it, you have to experiment with new doses. As a teen, just seeing a nude pose in a magazine could get me off. Then when videos entered the scene, the bar was moved to another level. Then there was the kind of videos. Softcore was plenty enough at first. But then hardcore was even more fun. Then kinky. Then group sex. On an on it can go. Sometimes the search for just the right sex scene was almost as much of a turn on as finding it.

What I was worried about was where that slide leads. I was at times tempted to look at live sex cams, which moves into interacting with real people in real time. That isn't the same as "doing it for real", but it is about as close as one is going to get and I do see this as actually cheating on your spouse (like phone sex with a real person or live sex chat with a real person, or even writing sexy letters back and forth with a real person... all forms of cheating).

Then there is the temptation to find a sex partner through an escort service or some other way (casual encounters through a variety of windows).

Of course, not all men go this route, or will go this route. But it is one possible (and natural) progression.

I was addicted to porn, never did any of the "live" options. I thought of porn as my own little supplement to my wife's low libido. It was like she only needed one meal a day but I needed three (not literally here -- this is just for comparison-sake). Her sexual appetite was being satisfied and mine wasn't. And so I masturbated to porn usually when I made a sexual advance and was turned down because she wasn't in the mood, had a headache, or whatever other excuse. I remember her saying once, "But you just had sex yesterday... how could you want it again so soon?" To which I replied, "You already ate yesterday, why do you want breakfast today?" She couldn't understand that my libido would go in waves where I would desire her for a few days in a row (especially if I was in a stressful situation at work) and then be okay for a few days.

She would also use sex a a weapon. If I said something or did something that bugged her, she would not be "in the mood" and would basically blame me for being a mood killer. So as long as I was behaving like she wanted and performing well, she would sometimes even initiate sex. But one screw up and no sex that night -- which was a perfect excuse for me to get off to a pile of bodies humping each other like crazy in a video when she wasn't home.

When I would initiate sex and get rejected, I used it as an excuse for porn viewing later.

However, now I'm in the process of becoming "un-addicted". I'm focusing all of my sexual and emotional energy on my wife. She doesn't even know I was addicted to porn (at least she doesn't seem to know at all). But I'm taking the plunge and manning up.

I hope the best for you and your husband. Like all the rest of the posters here, you need to communicate with him and really communicate, not just shame or act disgusted. It will only push him away from you if you do that. If you don't want him into porn, and it is a deal breaker for you if he is, tell him. If he is addicted, you will need to force the issue of getting help. If he doesn't want to get help, you have no choice but to find another man or remain single.
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Old 04-24-2013, 09:24 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it ok for husbands to watch porn magazines?

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Originally Posted by Pame View Post
So we just been married for 3 months (not a long time to think he needs "something" new) plus we were in a long distance relation ship for more than a year, so I was thinking he would not have eyes for other women . He is 28 and I'm 24.
2 months ago I opened his ipad and saw picts of "legal teens" which pissed me off. It made me feel like I was not enough for him, (I don not have a great self esteem, that he needs another type of visual stimulation.
I told him how I feel about this, and he says this "art" for him, he appreciates the beauty of the women body, nothing sexual, he would not do it again.
He told me he has been downloading magazines like playboy, maxim since he liked the articles they post there, and some sports magazines and magazines for me But today when I opened the app, he got 2 porn magazines, one of legal teens (they masturbate and show absolutely everything. I think is kind of sick, they look really young) and another with guys and girls having sex and cumming in each other mouth.
I fell like we have a great sexual chemistry, I wonder if Im just making a big deal about this... It just does not feel right for me. Should I talk to him again or just let it pass. I'm sad, worry, we are just starting our lives together...
Suggestions plss!!!
It doesn't bother me at all. I think if a guy enjoys the mags, he'll just hide them from you if you demand he not look at them. Many couples look at porn (mags and movies) together and it enhances their sex life. Btw Playboy isn't porn and there really are good articles there. I've been reading my husband's Playboy mags for years.
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Old 04-24-2013, 09:30 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Does his art ever depict fat, ugly women? Guys are visual creatures and the normal ones among us like to look at attractive, naked women. Now, does the activity add anything positive to a marriage? Not as far as I can tell. Seems like a juvenile, useless waste of time to me. It doesn't make your husband a pervert and it doesn't mean you're "not enough" for him. It means you married a heterosexual male. I do find his explanations to be pretty lame and more than a little funny. He reads this stuff for the intellectual articles. Hah! If I open a magazine and there's a photo of a woman with sperm around her mouth, I just know I'm in for an intellectual feast if I read the associated articles. At least he could be honest about who he is. He's a guy and he's a horn-dog. He's a horn-dog because he's a guy. Some of us grow up. There are about a million better uses for his time.
My dad subscribed to Playboy from the 70's until 2005. He really did read the articles. My mom wasn't bothered by it at all. They were married 53 happy years.
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Old 04-24-2013, 09:53 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it ok for husbands to watch porn magazines?

What one fills their mind with is what they will obsess over. Today it's porn. Tomorrow it's a hooker, the girl next door, someone at work. It's a slow march toward infidelity. You can be the "cool" wife and let it be, or you can take advantage of the fact that you don't have any kids, so it would be good to take the exit, and leave him to his glossies, hand cream, and Kleenex box.
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Old 04-24-2013, 10:23 PM   #36 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it ok for husbands to watch porn magazines?

Porn is ok in a marriage if both spouses agree it is. If one party does not, or neither party does, it isn't.

It really is that easy and simple.

Porn is NOT ok in my marriage. I have a healthy sex drive...I'm known as a bit of a perv actually...but I have a lot of issues with the porn industry, and I think it hurts people.

Not everybody agrees with me. That's ok. But my husband does. And so it works for us.

My ex-husband liked porn. This was a major source of hurt for me. More damaging than the hurt was that I lost an enormous amount of respect for him...I viewed him as a liar because he hid his like of porn, said he hated it to appease me when he should have allowed me to know his mind on the matter and let me decide if I could accept it...instead he tricked me...it's hard to be turned on by a man you feel is doing something wrong, doing something that hurts you and lies about it and hides it...though he's seen the pain it causes. It's hardest of all to accept a husband who you just don't feel respect for anymore.

It's one thing to like porn. It's another thing to like porn enough that you're willing to hurt your spouse's heart in order to view it. If he knows it hurts you, he should demonstrate his love for you by not viewing it. That's a small thing to do for the woman he loves above all else, isn't it?

Be reasonable. Act in love. But by all means, stand up for what you need and what you value. If this hurts you, you're not wrong. He's not a bad man for viewing porn, but he is doing a bad thing by viewing porn if it hurts you.
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Old 04-24-2013, 10:52 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it ok for husbands to watch porn magazines?

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Originally Posted by unbelievable View Post
The only males who don't enjoy looking at naked women are gay, dead, or lying
If you mean that as in watching porn...you're wrong. If you mean in general, you are correct... and some actually stick to looking only at their spouses. Shocking, I know.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Theseus View Post
A lot of women don't realize that they have their own version of porn. They read romance novels, watch soap operas, or read erotic books like 50 Shades of Grey. Or they fall in love with famous actors. The rich, tall, handsome men in these things can also make husbands feel insecure. What if he asked you to give those up? Would you consider that a fair request? Or would you consider that too controlling? If you think that would be an unfair thing for him to ask, then maybe you need to re-examine your own demands.
So many keep bringing up romance novels and it's really getting old. Many women DON'T read that trash any more than the men who choose not to watch porn. Whether people wish to believe it or not, we DO exist.

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Trust me, they all watch porn.
I'm really getting sick of this. Not every man watches porn. And I know, so many will say "yea, keep telling yourself that." It really is insulting that people insist that everyone does this when in fact, that is false. I know, there is nothing that can be said that will convince you otherwise. But this blanket "all or nothing" crap is getting old. Not everyone watches/looks at it. Not everyone has that desire. And those who choose not to are not always lying about it.
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Old 04-24-2013, 10:56 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it ok for husbands to watch porn magazines?

Nothing wrong with porn here and there. It shouldn't replace your bedroom life though.

I likely look at porn more than my husband does.
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Old 04-24-2013, 11:02 PM   #39 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Maricha75 View Post



I'm really getting sick of this. Not every man watches porn. And I know, so many will say "yea, keep telling yourself that." It really is insulting that people insist that everyone does this when in fact, that is false. I know, there is nothing that can be said that will convince you otherwise. But this blanket "all or nothing" crap is getting old. Not everyone watches/looks at it. Not everyone has that desire. And those who choose not to are not always lying about it.
*applause*

No, not every man watches porn. MANY men watch porn, but also many straight men with healthy sex drives do not watch porn. Whether it be that it doesn't turn them on, for moral reasons, not to hurt their wife...there are SO many reasons that some men just don't watch it. There are a lot of men who actually would like to watch porn, but they don't because it's not important enough to them to hurt their wives.

I don't think a man is bad because he watches porn. Or likes porn. I think there's a natural appeal to most men. But men, contrary to popular opinion, are not animals. Many CAN and DO simply elect not to watch it.

Saying "Aw he's a man...he's gonna watch porn" is a cop out. If a man loves his wife...and it bothers his wife...he is going to cease watching porn if it upsets his wife. This is his WIFE. If she minds, he should stop. It's called love. It's called respect.

Good post! :-)
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Old 04-24-2013, 11:09 PM   #40 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it ok for husbands to watch porn magazines?

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Originally Posted by Maricha75 View Post
If you mean that as in watching porn...you're wrong. If you mean in general, you are correct... and some actually stick to looking only at their spouses. Shocking, I know.




So many keep bringing up romance novels and it's really getting old. Many women DON'T read that trash any more than the men who choose not to watch porn. Whether people wish to believe it or not, we DO exist.



I'm really getting sick of this. Not every man watches porn. And I know, so many will say "yea, keep telling yourself that." It really is insulting that people insist that everyone does this when in fact, that is false. I know, there is nothing that can be said that will convince you otherwise. But this blanket "all or nothing" crap is getting old. Not everyone watches/looks at it. Not everyone has that desire. And those who choose not to are not always lying about it.
I agree with you, not every man watches porn, and not every woman fantasies about movie stars.

But 95% do...
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Old 04-25-2013, 12:46 AM   #41 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it ok for husbands to watch porn magazines?

Internet Pornography Statistics

Internet users who view porn 42.7%

(source Pornography Statistics)

Outdated info, from 2006, but I think is has only grown with faster connections and more computers, tablets etc. everywhere.

I think you can safely assume women are less into watching then men, there are a lot of children who use internet but are restricted in watching porn, so the % of men will be quite high.
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Old 04-25-2013, 02:24 AM   #42 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it ok for husbands to watch porn magazines?

I don't read trashy romance novels, and my SO doesn't watch porn. I do read novels with romance in them, and we do read and watch things with sex scenes and romance in them, but we don't seek them out for sexual gratification nor use them for masturbation purposes.

I do think that anything that bothers the other person shoud be examined and the other spouse should think seriously and take action to give up whatever hurts their spouse.

It seems like any other issue that bothers a spouse is taken seriously, unless its porn, then it's "how dare you even suggest such a thing". Porn as we know it currently, is relatively new, it brings with it so many issues. And just because its related to sexuality does not mean we should over look it and give it a free pass. Just because we may enjoy it, doesn't mean it's good for us or enhances our relationships.

I mean unless your spouse is legit carazy and is yelling every 15 minutes " I hate purple buttons, how dare you wear them" and "I don't like drinking water, so you are never allowed it again" or other such nonsensical rubbish, then think carefully about how if your actions and wants are reasonable and more importantly do the enhance your relationship.

Moreover if you see porn as a need then you probably can't see it objectively and need to step back.
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Old 04-25-2013, 02:53 AM   #43 (permalink)
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*applause*

No, not every man watches porn. MANY men watch porn, but also many straight men with healthy sex drives do not watch porn. Whether it be that it doesn't turn them on, for moral reasons, not to hurt their wife...there are SO many reasons that some men just don't watch it. There are a lot of men who actually would like to watch porn, but they don't because it's not important enough to them to hurt their wives.

I don't think a man is bad because he watches porn. Or likes porn. I think there's a natural appeal to most men. But men, contrary to popular opinion, are not animals. Many CAN and DO simply elect not to watch it.
About 30% of adult men don't watch porn.

It is interesting to me that you say that you don't like porn because the 'the porn industry hurts people' and then you go on to imply that men who watch porn are 'animals' who lack respect and that your exe's porn watching 'hurt' you.

If you have an emotional issue with men watching porn why not just say that? Why do so many porn-haters feel they have to come up with medical, scientific or social reasons why porn is bad instead of just saying they hate it?

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Originally Posted by SouthernMiss View Post
Saying "Aw he's a man...he's gonna watch porn" is a cop out. If a man loves his wife...and it bothers his wife...he is going to cease watching porn if it upsets his wife. This is his WIFE. If she minds, he should stop. It's called love. It's called respect.

Good post! :-)
So is a spouse obliged to stop doing anything that the other is bothered by?
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Last edited by johnnycomelately; 04-26-2013 at 12:37 PM.
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Old 04-25-2013, 02:59 AM   #44 (permalink)
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About 70% of men admit that they look at pictures of naked women. 25% lie about it. 5% are gay.
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Old 04-25-2013, 03:27 AM   #45 (permalink)
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So we just been married for 3 months (not a long time to think he needs "something" new) plus we were in a long distance relation ship for more than a year, so I was thinking he would not have eyes for other women . He is 28 and I'm 24.
2 months ago I opened his ipad and saw picts of "legal teens" which pissed me off. It made me feel like I was not enough for him, (I don not have a great self esteem, that he needs another type of visual stimulation.
I told him how I feel about this, and he says this "art" for him, he appreciates the beauty of the women body, nothing sexual, he would not do it again.
He told me he has been downloading magazines like playboy, maxim since he liked the articles they post there, and some sports magazines and magazines for me But today when I opened the app, he got 2 porn magazines, one of legal teens (they masturbate and show absolutely everything. I think is kind of sick, they look really young) and another with guys and girls having sex and cumming in each other mouth.
I fell like we have a great sexual chemistry, I wonder if Im just making a big deal about this... It just does not feel right for me. Should I talk to him again or just let it pass. I'm sad, worry, we are just starting our lives together...
Suggestions plss!!!
Statistics show that at least 70% of men regularly use porn. I personally don't know a single man of my generation who doesn't. Most of my male friends are happily married, family men. They are not monsters and they don't all think that their wives are 'not enough' for them.

Your husband is lying when he says that it is 'art' for him. That excuse has been trotted out ever since porn was invented - on the walls of caves thousands of years ago. He is wrong to lie. It is cowardly, but it comes from a good place. He knows that you are hurt by this and he wants to reduce that hurt. Another lie is when he says he won't do it again. He will. He will probably just try to hide it better.

Masturbation is universal amongst men. It is healthy and important. Porn is a masturbation aid that is used by most men who have access to it. There is no reliable evidence that moderate porn use causes harm. Nor is there reliable evidence to suggest that it has a negative effect on mens' attitudes to women in general or their partners specifically.

I personally would not tolerate my wife trying to control my masturbation/fantasy life or my using a legal medium to help me masturbate. She is free to masturbate and to use whatever legal medium or tool helps her to do so. She favours cucumbers and written erotica.

It is unrealistic to think that we (men and women) are not attracted to others or to the idea of sex with others. This is hard to accept at 24 but it is an inescapable fact of life. To fight against our biological wiring in that way is irrational and counter-productive. Porn and masturbation is the way most men choose to deal with those urges. Many women do too and many choose other ways. Why take away an outlet for our natural urges? Do you think that banning porn will reverse millions of years of human evolution? Will those desires disappear?

Did you make it clear before you got married that porn was unacceptable to you?
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Last edited by johnnycomelately; 04-25-2013 at 03:40 AM.
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