I have a personal problem with trust. I am newly married and a new mother. I became both pretty much at the same time. My husband is a wonderful guy now, however, when we were dating, he did keep in touch with other girls. We were just seriously dating and I understand that we weren't really tied down to each other. Although, I loved him from the start and it would hurt me when I'd find out that he was still flirting around. I knew that he really saw something in me though, and I was someone he was really serious about. I became pregnant and he asked me to marry him after I repeatedly told him that I didn't want him to feel like he was being forced into marriage and that I could raise this child on my own if I had to. He has his morals and knew that he had to do the right thing and marry me. We've been married for 9 months now and we sometimes have the worse fights because of my lack of trust. I always feel like he is going to cheat on me, or wants to. He has always been the charmer and has a lot of female friends due to his college years in theatre. He constantly reminds me that he is so in love with me and that I honestly have nothing to worry about. However, my insecurities have made me a snoop and I've looked at this text messages to these "friends" of his and I don't like what I read. They are innocent flirtatious comments that he sends to them and when I confront him with his own texts he always has a valid reason for why he sent them and that he is just talking to them in a platonic way and that "they know he's married." I really do believe him but this angry voice inside gets the better of me and makes me flip out in anger. I start accusing, I refuse to let it go, and I get myself so mad. He says that he hides his female friends from me because he knows that I wouldnt understand and just be jealous. I feel that he's wrong. The way to handle an untrusting/hurt wife is to keep things in the open. He's done this to me on three occassions using that same excuse of not wanting to start a fight over nothing. He's recently promised to keep his friendships in the open so that I can know what he's doing and that it's purely platonic. We are going to see how that goes. I do trust him deep down in myself...but it's hard to find that trust in me and allow it to prevail in situations like these. I love him so much and do not want to push him away by always assuming and accusing when nothing is actually happening. Teach me how to truly give the benefit of the doubt because I need to start living a happy life. I'm keeping myself down in the dumps if I constantly have a negative view towards my husband's fidelity. Please help. Your advice is very much needed.
When you get angry you tend to say things you do not mean to say. Next time you feel this way give yourself a time out to cool down, collect your thoughts, and say what you really want & need to say.
I've done that recently and it helps a great deal. I seriously had to stop myself, take a breather, and ask "Do I really need to say this or is it just me talking out of anger?" I then realize that the comments that can come out of my mouth are not worth saying and that I need to find another way of communicating my needs to my husband. If I come at him with anger, no matter the situation, even if he's done wrong, it will only push him out of the conversation.
I have trust issues as well. Think about the actions that prove that your husband's dedication is to you. When I do that, it helps me to realize that he isn't doing anything wrong. I also ask innocent questions that help me to understand what and why he talks to who he does without pushing my insecurity on him. Open communication is key..
Also, talking without thinking brings great consequences. Think about what you are gonna say before you blurt it out and start a petty fight. Take deep breaths. That always helps me..
I hope my advice helps you a little. Best of luck to you!
You have every right to FEEL this way, but to act it out is another thing. i suggest you trust your woman's intuition and tell us how it went when openly meeting his female friends.
During my teen years I dated a guy who had a lot of female friends. I knew I couldnt trust him at all with his friends. It turns out that he was dating and flirting with all of them and that I'm glad it is over then. Now I have a guy who's pretty decent, but when I get that feeling of him cheating it's due to him masturbating to porno. I dont know if you're of the Catholic faith, but in the Commandments "Thou shall not commit adultery" porno counts and when I get that strange feeling he does that he admits and it confirms those feelings.
When you feel things from your significant other you have a strong bond with that person and can even feel the other person's intentions, thoughts, feelings, etc. You know what's going on and you dont like it because you want him to be faithful to you, your marriage, and your family in every possible way. You may not be receiving this, hence the snooping and confrontations.
let us know how it went. it's been a month now from your post and hopefully some progress. I am curious to know what has occured!
Learning to Trust
Re: Learning to Trust
