Wife's ex-husband
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Old 04-29-2013, 03:23 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Wife's ex-husband

Please tell me I am wrong and I will drop it. I married my current wife 3 years ago. Before that I was married for 20 years and had three children. My current wife has two kids from her prior marriage. Most of the time we are doing great,recently we have started to have issues. The issues center around kids and her ex-husband.

I feel she has too much communication with her ex-husband. They have remained friends, "for the sake of the kids." She is in communication with him on a weekly and sometimes daily basis. All communication is about her children. I don't have a problem with that communication. Although,when I hear her on the phone laughing at his jokes,etc. I become jealous. On one occasion I became fairly upset. One of her daughters was treating her very badly and the first thing she did was call him. I could tell from the conversation he was comforting her. I also have complained about the way she communicates with him. It's like they still have this connection. Granted,the communication is always about the kids but it appears they are too connected.

She has on more than one occasion told me that they became better friends after the divorce than before. He would be at her apartment constantly fixing things and doing stuff for her. All the while,he was remarried. That did stop after I met her.

My wife asked me a couple of weeks ago to take off work in one month so I could take my step-daughter to get her license. I took off that day and was planning to take her. This morning she informed me her ex-husband was going to take my step-daughter for the driving test in two weeks. Since she is learning to drive with our car she was planning on him taking our car. Am I wrong to be upset about this? I really don't want him taking our car. If he wants to take her let him take his own car. I should probably say,he has not taken her driving since she started learning. My wife and I have done all that.
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Old 04-29-2013, 03:37 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife's ex-husband

how old are these kids from her previous marriage? are they technically minors still? so parent involvement a must>? or the late teen early 20's where parent contacting isn't neccasarily so needed? I think its a little rude to ask you for the license thing, but after all, if dad wants to be involved, that's his right. I hope you'd feel the same way about your own child if a step mom was asked to step in, in your place. I guess its not that big a deal overall, but i'm not really seeing what your seeing or hearing. Sounds like you might have a small trust/jealous issue. Any reason for that, that u didn't share? previous marriage did u get cheated on maybe?
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Old 04-29-2013, 03:45 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife's ex-husband

How much attention is she paying YOU? How often during the day does she talk to YOU? I think if you were more secure in your relationship with her, you wouldn't see an issue with her and the ex in regards to the kids.
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Old 04-29-2013, 04:05 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife's ex-husband

Thumper, the kids are mid to late teens. I suspect my ex was having an affair but there was no real proof. I do have trust issues with my current wife from lots of things I've heard about in her past and some current incidents that I'm not sure I should share.
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Old 04-29-2013, 04:09 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife's ex-husband

A But Much, I've always felt like I've persued her.
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Old 04-29-2013, 04:14 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife's ex-husband

well if you cant prove an affair DONT mention it. Theres lots you can do if you think that's going on. VAR voice activated recorder in car, check cell phone records, check history on your home computer.

But, since you mention it, the trust issues, and her past, its hard to help with more advice without that information. I fully understand if you don't want to share it as well.

the 180 technique: The Healing Heart: The 180
might be worth a try if you think its gotten to that point thou.
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Old 04-29-2013, 04:16 PM   #7 (permalink)
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This sounds weird to me too. I know every divorce is different, but I think your wife has issues with boundaries. I'm on good terms with my daughter's dad, but any kind of friendship with him ended when I got serious with my current husband. Obviously we still talk about our daughter but I wouldn't call him for comfort if she was misbehaving.
That's odd and what she should be talking about with you. As for the driver's license thing-- it's his right as the dad, but she should have talked to him before asking you to take the day off work.

It seems like you have underlying issues of trust-- you and your wife should talk about boundaries and how she can make you feel more secure.

Good luck!
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Old 04-29-2013, 04:22 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife's ex-husband

Drummer

It sounds like your concern about the driving test are the tip of the iceberg.

I hope you share and let us assist you.

If you taught your step daughter you or your wife should have taken her to the test.

If you had already taken the day off your wife should hve at least apologized to you or her Ex should have thanked you in advance for your efforts.

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Old 04-29-2013, 04:22 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife's ex-husband

Quote:
Originally Posted by drummer66 View Post
Thumper, the kids are mid to late teens. I suspect my ex was having an affair but there was no real proof. I do have trust issues with my current wife from lots of things I've heard about in her past and some current incidents that I'm not sure I should share.
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I'm just going to put this here:

Just divorced...my story
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Old 04-29-2013, 04:38 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife's ex-husband

My personal experience - My ex and I get along well for the sake of our kids but I wouldn't call us "friends" in the sense of hanging out together, talking about life, etc. We only communicate about the kids (who are 8 and 5) and that communication is usually in the form of email or text. I rarely (maybe 3-4 times a year) talk to him briefly on the phone if it is easier to coordinate something that way.

If one of my kids was being rude to me, I would talk to my husband, not my ex unless it specifically had something to do with him. If they are talking on the phone regularly, I would definitely see why you would have a problem with that.

The kids are teenagers so there probably needs to be a minimum of communication but there shouldn't be that much and it doesn't need to be as "intimate" as regular phone conversations.
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Old 04-29-2013, 04:48 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife's ex-husband

Before we met...

*Several one night stands,
*talking with an old boyfriend about a relationship she was having,
*two months after filing for divorce she was having a relationship while still living with ex,
*sexting with someone she met online while dating someone else.

Those are the things she told me about. Why she told me I don't know. She told me after we were married.

After marriage...

*She got drunk at a party and was hanging on a gay co-worker and telling him she had a crush on him when she first started working there. I've since told her, no more drinking.
*There was a former co-worker she had a relationship with before we met. Her friend told me. I told her I didn't want her to have anything to do with him. She was upset because she wanted to remain friends.

I'm very concerned about going on business trips because I'm concerned she'll go party with friends. When ietell her of my concerns she tells me I'm too paranoid and anxious.
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Old 04-29-2013, 04:51 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife's ex-husband

No. Your gut is telling you something not good.

Listen to your gut. Trust your gut.
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Old 04-29-2013, 04:51 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife's ex-husband

So she's always been an attention seeker? Bottomless pit in that area? It sounds like she's got poor boundaries, so yep, I would be worried.
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Old 04-29-2013, 04:54 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife's ex-husband

Gonna keep this strictly about the driving test

No, he should not take a car of yours! This is a HUGE risk and exposes you to so many liabilities it isn't even funny!

Trust me, I used to do fleet management for a insurance company!
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