I've been married for 7 months. From time to time we have our problems-but who doesn't? Right now I'm going through some things and I'm not very happy at all-but I do remember my promise. I remember OUR promise. And because I remember those words, I feel a sense of security in knowing that trials and tribulations won't destroy us if we both remember our vows.
I called the reverend that married us, and asked him to give me word for word what was said at our wedding. I'd like to share this with all of you, and hopefully this thread will be great because we can express what we're going through, but in "black and white" be reminded of what our promise was. Perhaps the words will help us get back on track. I've edited this only by removing our names.
(Groom's name), will you take (brides's name) to be your wife. Will you commit yourself to her happiness and her self fulfillment as a person, and to his usefulness in God’s kingdom? And will you promise to love, honor, trust, and serve her in sickness and in health, in adversity and prosperity, and to be true and loyal to her so long as you both shall live.
(Groom says)I will
(Bride's name), will you take (Groom's name) to be your husband? Will you commit yourself to his happiness and his self fulfillment as a person, and to his usefulness in God’s kingdom? And do you promise to love, honor, trust, and serve him in sickness and in health, in adversity and property and to be true and loyal to him so long as you both shall live.
(Bride says) I will
Rings ceremony:
(Husband says): (Bride's name), with this ring I pledge my life and love to you in the name of the father and of the son and of the Holy Spirit.
(Bride says): (Groom's name), with this ring I pledge my love and life to you in the name of the father and of the son and of the Holy Spirit.
(Repeat together facing each)
Entreat me not to leave you, or to return from following you, for where you go, I will go and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people and you’re God, my God.
(Reverend says)
Since they have made this commitment before god and this assembly, by the authority of God and the laws of this state-I now declare you husband and wife.
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Seek God BEFORE "all else fails", not WHEN "all else fails".
Now, having posted this, I have to say that even though I'm frustrated right now, I am still committed to my vows. I think that right now I'm feeling that he's not committing himself to my happiness and his self fulfillment as a person, but other than that he's doing the rest of it. And at some point, I've got to also understand that he can't control my happiness and self fulfillment-only I have control over that. He can only help nurture it or neglect it.
I'm feeling a little bit better now that I've had this to look at and analyze.
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Seek God BEFORE "all else fails", not WHEN "all else fails".
I'v always found it terribly sad when couples who made vows like these, intending them to be in force forever at the time, then seem to completely forget them, the moment things get a little tough in the marriage.
When two people share their lives 'forever' there are going to be periods when things are not all rosy and sunny. Getting through these sometimes terrible things, TOGETHER, is what makes you both stronger, and bonds you closer and closer.
In years past, when divorce was not such an easy thing to do, and had shame and stigma attached, couples worked much harder at getting through bad patches, sometimes emerging from the other side, stronger and closer than they were before.
So remembering those lovely vows you took MrsLV, is the right thing to do and you WILL get through your current bad patch, stronger and closer
When My MD first set in I had lost about everything I had real estate, cars, my job and what little I had I gamble on opening up a store. My wife stood by me through it all. A few years ago when she decided to go to college I took to moving my schedule around and taking on most all of the household duties to free her up, I studued all her books and was her study/quiz partner and still am. I enjoy being the one my wife leans on and asks for help. Yes the rough times do bond couples or shows the weakness of them.
When My MD first set in I had lost about everything I had real estate, cars, my job and what little I had I gamble on opening up a store. My wife stood by me through it all. A few years ago when she decided to go to college I took to moving my schedule around and taking on most all of the household duties to free her up, I studued all her books and was her study/quiz partner and still am. I enjoy being the one my wife leans on and asks for help. Yes the rough times do bond couples or shows the weakness of them.
draconis
I give you a HUGE thumbs up for that! It's nice to see a husband who realized that marriage is about more than ourselves, but its about putting our spouse before ourselves. When couple harness and share this attitude, which tends to be manifested in their actions, you get what I like to call "the glue" that makes it continue to stick.
Thanks for being a REAL MAN and letting people know that you have to value your significant other for their needs. I know your wife couldn't be happier with you. Congratulations and thanks for the encouragement.
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But yes Marriage is teamwork, through thick and thin.
I am sure everyone here has said, what int he world was I thinking when I married this person, I've said it. but her parents did warn me...lol
But there are ups and downs through marirage, good and bad...just have to work through the tough times.
Marriage is not easy, if it were there would be no divorces.
But I wish you all the best, you are in the feeling out stage anyway, these are times were lifestyles clash and you both have to compromise on living together and comming up with a mutual agreement to how you want to live.
I write this with a completely broken heart and with tears running down my face. I so desparately believe in the vows that I made to my wife 8 years ago. She does not. I read her diary last night, and I found out that she has not broken off her affair despite telling me that she had 4 times, and that she was falling deeper and deeper in love. I read through the weeks as she replaced me in her fantasies of the future with him. She won't break it off because she can't let go of the feelings she has for him. She feels the passion and excitement that she felt was missing in our marriage. She loves him so much she will not give us a chance. She has refused counseling and has requested a separation.
Why do good people do bad things? Why do people give up so easily? Why do I have to have my life ruined by her selfishness? She did a bad thing and she will end up with what she wants. I did nothing but love her the only ways I could and told her I could change but she was so far gone she wouldn't hear it. I was the good person, and I lose everything.
I know right now it feels that she's getting everything she wants, but you know all too well she is jumping into this way too fast and has some of her own issues that she should be dealing with instead. She might even feel she has all she wants in the short term, but eventually, her inner issues will resurface and she will be in the same place.
Whether you lose her or not, the damage has already been done. The trust has been broken. You are left with either working to regain her trust or working to rebuild your life without her...and even that is not your choice at this point if she won't even try, you are just forced to pick up the pieces of everything she shattered and move forward. Yes it's bad. Yes it sucks.
What do you have? You have gained some insight here...what to look for/avoid in relationships going forward. You have continued to take the high road through all of this and while you may feel more broken than you ever have, don't let it change who you are and all of the good qualities you have. You deserve someone that appreciates you and gives you the same in return. Don't settle for less than that from her or anyone else. You will get through this and come out on the other side with your head held high.
Remembering the promise-for married couples
Re: Remembering the promise-for married couples
