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about to be back from deployment... me and wife are sperated

1K views 9 replies 4 participants last post by  Corpuswife 
#1 ·
so long story short, I have been gone from my wife and daughter for over 6.5 months. In July my wife decided to seperate with me but we are both willing to work on our marriage. I was wondering if i could get some input on how i should act with the homecoming. She is coming to my place with my daughter the day i return(which is next week). I dont know how I should act... like hugs, kisses, ect... I am trying to deal with this the best way i can ... thanks

Matt
 
#3 ·
God blesses the soldiers for freedom. thank you for your service. the free people of the world also thank you.

let your heart steer you. how you conduct yourself with your wife at your homecoming should come straight from your heart.
 
#4 ·
thank you so much...

Im so scared to do anything though.... I just got off the phone with her. I damaged her emotionally, mentally, ect... I was verbally abusive to my wife without even knowing it. I got to one sided thinking of myself only.

I wish I wasnt so stupid.... At least she has some still left in her to fight for this marriage. She says a lot of her has left but she still is here and that is why she hasnt filed for divorce.

This is going to be a very hard time for me
 
#5 ·
I can tell you really want this. What I woudl suggest is just backing off. I know this may be hard, but you can do it. Just pace yourself, and allow her the space to come back to you. I believe that she will, if you let her.

If you push, chase etc, she will likely run further.

I would suggest you hug her, maybe kiss her on the cheek. I would not suggest being over affectionate, not trying to hold her hand, put your arm around her. If she wishes to have more affection she will let you know, she will clue you in, and warm up to you.

If some of her is still left, she can come all the way back, just allow her to do that but giving her the opportunity to. Make sense?

I hope things work out for you :)

And thank you for your service. :)
 
#7 ·
Thank you so much for the replies...

I have already started to schedule counseling for myself for when I get back to help me with my problems. The one thing that I am afraid of is that i do try and push to hard... I have been holding myself back and it seems to be working even better with me and her. The more space I have been giving her the more she seems to be coming a little bit closer... i am just taking this all step by step. She said that I already sound like I have changed through my tone in my voice and reasoning on the phone. Which is a plus for me because I have been seeing counselors and chaplains out here in Iraq. I just have to keep praying eachday for me and her.

Im pretty much letting her guide the things that are going on and I am feeding off of it. I hope this works out!
 
#9 ·
so I have talked to my wife a few times so far and usually it goes real well and It seems like everything went real well... but then it seems like the next time I talk to her she is frustrated or I am frustrating her. Should I stop calling or emailing her... Im still in Iraq so I usually try and call once a day. Should I stop... and once I get back should I call her regularly or let her call me... all this is so confusing... I feel like im on a cliff and if i say or do the wrong thing im gunna fall off.
 
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